It looks like another one of Leroy's deceptions to give the illusion that he can read has been called out by Loretta again. Loretta has quickly caught on to Leroy's scheme of pretending to read the novelizations/the original source materials of movies he has already seen. Apparently his pantomimed reading of "The Lovely Bones" wasn't good enough to deceive Loretta. At the very least, Leroy can take faint comfort in the fact that this discovery was a private embarrassment rather than in front of their friends and neighbors at a cocktail party (although it's more than likely that Loretta will mention this anyway at the next cocktail party). Loretta gets the point.
The snooty salesman sarcastically giving the paper or plastic option is probably not familiar with dealing with Leroy and unaware that he will actually opt for a paper or plastic ring if given the option. As things are now, unless Loretta has some sort of extreme blackmail influence over Leroy, it's highly unlikely that he'll be buying any piece of jewelry of value for her. The salesman would be better off hoping that Loretta comes in alone at a future time so she could make her purchases without Leroy's consent. It's another push.
A lazy, chocolate munching Loretta single-handedly setting back the modern women's movement a few decades and Leroy is unfortunately not around to capitalize. We all know that between the bad driving and shopping addiction, Loretta is far from the contemporary liberated woman but in this scene she makes Cathy look like Gloria Steinem. All her pointy-haired friend can do is look on in incredulous, grotesque, awe at just how many pieces of chocolate one human being and cram down their gullet in one sitting. Push.
Loretta must be engaging in some serious subterfuge to make these occasional trips to the local gym without Leroy finding out. There can be no other possibility to explain why Leroy isn't with her, feasting on all the low hanging insult fruit. It's such a fertile environment for mocking Loretta that even she can't help herself from making fun of herself! This is a dangerous activity you're engaged in Loretta. It's only a matter of time before these scenes turn from harmless pushes to victories for Leroy. For now it's a push.
Shouldn't Leroy be totally grateful that the thoughtless telemarketer has interrupted another disgusting dinner of brown goo with Loretta? Shouldn't he be trying to delay returning to the table for as long as possible, encouraging the solicitor to thoroughly explain to him all the ins and outs of their calling plan? This scene seems to indicate that Leroy would rather eat an awful meal with Loretta than listen to a telephone sales pitch. Those must be some pretty horrible telemarketers. It's another push.
For all the bizarre eccentrics, offensive trolls, random penises, and all manner of general human freakishness that one may randomly come across on Chatroulette!, the sight of a filthy, bleary eyed, unshaven Leroy in his underpants may be too much for even the most jaded internet user to bear. Props go to Loretta for utilizing that new-fangled computer and "internet" to humiliate Leroy in front of a worldwide audience. Loretta scores the first point.
For maximum awkwardness and discomfort, the Lockhorns frequently like to invite just one person over to dinner and have them sit right between them as they spend the entire evening sniping each other over a table full of piping hot garbage. Why anyone would accept such a strange and suspicious invitation to dinner remains a mystery. Loretta's cooking hits a new repulsive low and whatever foul, horrific concoction she has created has, as Leroy points out, achieved a unholy life of its own. Leroy ties the score 1-1.
It must be a pretty awful bimbo-less shindig for Leroy to want to go home before he gets dangerously drunk or thrown out after offending the hosts. Whatever the issue with the party is that's making it unbearable for Leroy, you can be sure that Loretta has had a hand in orchestrating it. Leroy has the look of utter defeat and complete capitulation in his eyes as he desperately waives the white flag in surrender to Loretta. With that Leroy surrenders the point and ultimately the day by giving Loretta a narrow 2-1 victory.
Loretta's zinger is ostensibly a "Leroy is lazy" insult, but really anyone familiar with the warning signs of clinical depression would likely agree that most of Leroy's lethargy in the scene is related to his despondent mental state. Of course that's not going to stop a champ like Loretta from further pushing down on Leroy's throat while he's down. While anyone with a quantum of human empathy would have mustered some sympathetic feelings while delivering bad news to the already suffering Leroy, Loretta just sees it as another chance to launch an insult. That's why Loretta is the defending champion, that's why she has the lead, and that's why she earns another point.
Fresh off his recent "firing" from "Celebrity Apprentice 3", indicted former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has apparently decided to pay a visit to his good friends the Lockhorns. Leroy consoles the disgraced ex-governor by giving him some of his time tested words of marriage wisdom. His lesson for today: any sort of contact with your wife immediately destroys a good mood. Blago does not seem impressed, perhaps he's just wondering why Loretta and Leroy have yet to offer him coffee or who that weird woman is walking off in the distance. Leroy gets the point.
By "increasingly judgmental" does Leroy mean "increasingly insane"? I'm not sure if I should characterize Loretta's actions as displaying an admirable dedication to antagonizing Leroy or just looming signs of dangerous instability; maybe it's a little from column A, a little from column B. I'm still going to have to side with Loretta on this one. Objectively, Leroy is the one that is most upset by this whole crazy situation, so it would appear that Loretta won. As for Counselor Pullman, he just looks plain weary...so very weary. I rule Loretta gets the point.
Another home repair issue, another opportunity for Loretta to belittle Leroy's lack of repair skills. This situation will no doubt end with Leroy stubbornly capitulating and calling someone who actually knows what they're doing, but in the meantime Loretta can continue to pile it on. In Leroy's defense, it would be exceedingly difficult for anyone to fix a clogged sink when there are no cabinet doors below the kitchen counter. Perhaps when he's looking through the phone book Leroy can also find someone to finally install doors in their kitchen cabinets and slots in their gigantic cinder block of a toaster. Loretta gets the point.
For many reasons Leroy probably could do without looking at himself in the mirror, but surprisingly he manages to take a pro active approach and turn it into a criticism about Loretta. Leroy's phrase, if uttered by almost any other husband about their wife in a similar situation, would likely come off as an affectionate dig. Of course in the toxic, loveless void of the Lockhorns' marriage it comes off as, like all comments, mean-spirited and derisive. Leroy better be careful, Loretta may be tempted to tighten that tie up a bit more. It certainly doesn't look like their friend would mind all that much. Leroy gets the point.
On the eve of one of the most exciting yearly events in all of televised sports, Loretta faithfully breaks out the classic stereotypical nagging housewife routine. If you think about it, her objection to Leroy's March Madness watching is completely ungrounded and wholly inexplicable. Maybe if Leroy was so obsessed with the tournament that he was punting all his responsibilities or if he was gambling away all their money on his brackets Loretta would have a point. Here Loretta's objection, as with most of her other objections to Leroy's personal actions, stems from the fact that she has to immediately destroy any activity that may give Leroy way sort of enjoyment. Mission accomplished. Loretta scores the point.
How hopelessly self deluded could Leroy be to have bought that hair piece and not suspected the immediate, merciless response Loretta had in store for him? While I expected something a tad harsher from Loretta, the carpet world query is still quite solid. Call me crazy, but I think the rug doesn't look all that bad on Leroy. For me, anything that covers up that disturbingly flat mesa of a head is a huge improvement. Personal opinions aside, Loretta gets the point.
The obvious reaction to this scene of Leroy watching TV amid the sick and hurt of the local ER waiting area would be that it's another example of Leroy's absurd cheapness. However, if you recall his stint at the hospital from earlier this week, he's actually diligently following his doctor's orders. As ridiculous as it seems, he's just fulfilling his physician recommended dose of premium cable programming. Loretta still leads 1-0.
Loretta gets Leroy right below the tool belt by implying that he would have more success as a musical saw player than attempting any kind of simple carpentry. If I were Loretta though, I don't know if I'd be making such insults while Leroy has a potentially lethal weapon in his hand. Judging by that contemplative look in his his eyes, he's probably wondering if his current saw has the tensile strength to cut through human bone and various layers of fat. Murder and dismemberment aside, Loretta still goes up 2-0.
The extended struggle between Leroy and high culture continues with seemingly no end in sight. This time, it appears that high culture has won today's battle with the orchestra drowning out Leroy's attempts to interrupt and distract them with his cell phone. This is only a minor setback for Leroy, who'll no doubt have plenty more ways of ruining future plays, operas, ballets, and generally any presentation without explosions, sports, or breasts. It's a push.
Loretta better start placing the order in for that custom fitted shock collar if she and Leroy are going to continue going to parties with towering super bimbos like this. Leroy's current object of interest is by far the most soaring, toothy, freakishly disproportionate amazon yet! It would appear that they are evolving at a tremendous rate. Eventually it'll be impossible for Loretta to reign a randy Leroy in without a few hundred volts of help. Loretta tacks on another point to complete the 3-0 blowout and take the day.
Oh snap, Leroy! I'm no expert on womens' culture but isn't pointing out their dye job a major social faux pas? If the famous Clairol catchphrase from the 1950s was any indication ("Does she...or doesn't she? Only her hairdresser knows for sure.") that may be the case for at least older women (of which Loretta is obviously one). In any case, Loretta looks particularly miffed by Leroy casual revelation and their two acquaintances seem to look fairly awkward and uncomfortable in the scene. If Leroy's not careful, he'll be getting an hors d'oeuvres plate to the face pretty soon. What he's definitely getting is a well deserved point.
As if the Lockhorn home wasn't enough of a sad, joyless void, the fact that for the first three months of the year they continue to put up the dried, withered husk of their Christmas tree adds an extra layer of bleakness. Speaking of the Lockhorn house, given its completely disorienting depth perspectives, it must have been designed by fun house architects. This wildly disproportionate living room scene is either a total optical illusion or Leroy has literally shrunk to half his size. I could imagine the deluge of short jokes Loretta would unleash if that really was the case. For now, Loretta should be content with the point.
Wouldn't being switched from a basic cable channel like ESPN to a premium cable channel be an upgrade? Then again why is the doctor even prescribing cable channels in the first place? Here's what I think happened: Leroy may have suffered a heart attack while watching one of his teams on ESPN and the doctor is now suggesting that, to prevent the possibility of future heart attacks, he switch to HBO. I'm not quite sure why the doctor picked HBO. I guess movies and episodes of "Entourage" are heart healthy? Is this guy even a real doctor? It's a perplexing push.
I'm not sure why Loretta would be so mad at Leroy. It would appear that he is just coming home, tiny suitcase in hand, after spending another day slaving away at the office to earn money for Loretta to squander. It's still light out so it wouldn't appear that he was out late with his co-worker. It must be for some previous, off-screen, transgression. Then again, does Loretta ever really need a reason to be angry at Leroy? To be all Zen about it, Loretta's anger just is. Leroy, at least makes the most of a bad situation by suggesting an Andy Capp-like plan to run off to the local bar. Props for continuing to shake the angry tiger's cage. Leroy gets the point.
Is this all that unusual a scene? In this modern age of ubiquitous cell phones it is completely plausible that there are people opting for texts over the traditional dinner call. I recall when I was at home my dad once called me over via cellphone because he didn't fell like yelling upstairs. Apparently in the frozen mid-20th century universe of the Lockhorns, the idea of Loretta announcing dinner via text message is comically absurd. Perhaps tomorrow, there'll be a ridiculous scene of Loretta inviting her neighbor over via email. In the end, Leroy really doesn't need any announcement for dinner, the permeating foul stench of whatever brown colored slop Loretta has "cooked" emanating from the dinning room is all the announcement Leroy needs. It's a push.
The harsh light of the new morning finds Leroy and Loretta in a awkward standoff over the events of the night. Leroy, suspecting he may have uttered his secret plan for murdering Loretta while having an intense dreaming, flippantly asks Loretta if she heard anything while simultaneously trying to cast doubt in her about the seriousness of it. Loretta, who may or may not have heard Leroy's clandestine scheme, stares at Leroy with burning suspicion, intensely reading his body language to get a better answer herself with revealing her thoughts. The tension is unbearable. What an utterly appropriate scene for the Ides of March. Push.
What small iota of self confidence Leroy may have temporarily gained from checking himself out in his new suit is immediately snuffed out courtesy of Loretta. Leroy reaction to Loretta's comment appears even more heartbreaking than usual. I think he really allowed himself to gain a measure of pride when he initially evaluated the suit. Maybe because he isn't black out drunk in them but frankly, the modern, tie-less, open collar look works for him (at least more than his usual outdated formal suits). Still Loretta gets the point, 1-0.
I haven't looked in a telephone book or had a home phone line for years, so I'm not sure if Loretta's complaint is a legitimate one shared by people with unlisted numbers or just an example of the Lockhorns being unlucky with telemarketers. I have to suggest once again that simply signing up with the government's successful "Do Not Call" registry would solve most of these issues. However, then we wouldn't have all these great scenes of the Lockhorns complaining about solicitors. Loretta maintains her 1-0 lead.
This is really just another, silly, ultimately meaningless scene of the Lockhorns struggling with the constant annoyances in their lives. There really isn't a point to be gained from either side. However, there is one distant but nevertheless horrifyingly disturbing inference that could be drawn from the scene. The blue colored floor of the Lockhorns' bathroom has a disturbingly similar tone as certain notable erectile dysfunction pill. Quickly, let's move on with a push.
Leroy puts together a fine performance in this scene. He no doubt went to the elaborate trouble of putting together a formal wine tasting, inviting a guest, and purchasing a selection of expensive wines, all so he could make that specific crack about Loretta's cooking. I feel like just as soon as he learned that wine tasting involved spitting the wine out, he immediately went to work so he could use that perfect comparison to Loretta's cooking. Leroy ties things up: 1-1.
It's a victory all around for Leroy. Not only does Leroy get to bid farewell to his hated mother-in-law after what appear to be nearly a two week stay at the house, he can also upset Loretta by comparing the whole affair with hard time in prison. As an extra bonus, I'm sure Loretta will also be quite angry that Leroy has ruined their living room wall by writing on it. While you don't actually see Loretta's reactions to Leroy yet in the scene, it's pretty set that she will. Leroy gets the point and pulls of the late rally to take the day, 2-1.
Traditionally Girl Scout cookies have not been in much competition with indigestible or poisonous baked goods so Leroy is definitely accurate in his assessment. It is commendable on the part of Loretta that the cookies she baked actually look like edible cookies. Given her track record, I was expecting the cookies to be misshapen piles of ambiguous green matter or. at the very least, burnt to a crisp hockey pucks. The cookies are still undoubtedly unfit for human consumption, but you have to give credit when credit it due. With that being said Leroy still earns the point.
I'm not quite sure how one avoids bill collectors by speaking Spanish. If Leroy is pretending that he doesn't understand english to avoid bill collectors he doesn't really need to know another language to pull that off. In any case, lack of english knowledge is certainly not enough to avoid actions by creditors. Disturbingly though, based on Leroy's success and his satisfied reaction, Loretta's comments about him almost come off as a compliment. Of course knowing full well that the act of complimenting is physically impossible for a Lockhorn, I'm going to give Loretta the benefit of the insult. Loretta gets the point.
I have to admit it took me slightly longer than usual to get Leroy's witty little statement about Loretta's shopaholism. First I thought that Loretta intentionally made deceptive promises not to be in the store for a minute and not to spend a dime, with the obvious intention of spending more than a minute and more than a dime inside. I then figured out that it makes far more sense for Leroy to be making those conclusions about Loretta's honesty than for Loretta. In any case all this is moot since Loretta's not even around to be mocked Leroy's statement. It's a push.
Funny. I don't recall Dr. Blog hiring noted former domestic, Amelia Bedelia, to be his receptionist. I just hope he doesn't ask her to babysit his kids. The conclusion that could be drawn from this scene is that Dr. Blog's beady eyed assistant is exceedingly mean or exceedingly stupid (perhaps even both). You can't really blame the good doctor for trying to defer his appointments with Leroy. Despite the steady amount of work and the excessive fees, it's still an appointment with Leroy Lockhorn. Push.
Loretta's indictment of Leroy's laziness takes on quite a dark perspective if you apply her observation of him into the broader context of his life. Leroy is in almost all respects leading a miserable broken life. The implied possibility that there is an actual choice for potential happiness adds an extra tragic dimension to Leroy's situation; he is so apathetic and disinterested that he chooses not to fix his horrible state. Of course, you also have to sort of ponder a chicken and the egg situation: does Leroy choose not to fix his broken life out of his own free will or has his broken life deprived him of his free will by breaking his spirit? All this really then goes to the great universal question: is there even such a thing as free will?
Who says the Lockhorns aren't deep? Loretta earns the point.
For Leroy, any opportunity to introduce Loretta to a new acquaintance is a new opportunity to mock her in front of an audience. Leroy really goes above and beyond today by actually bringing his poor, unfortunate new friend into Loretta's boudoir to make comments about her in an exceedingly vulnerable and unflattering state (which is really saying a lot). I predict that Leroy will continue along this path until one day he brings a new friend over to see Loretta in the shower, subsequently blinding the individual and leading to a substantial personal injury lawsuit. Until then, Leroy gets the point.
It's really a lost opportunity for both Lockhorns that they aren't in this scene together. Obviously, Loretta would have benefited by getting a point for mocking Leroy in front of an audience. However, Leroy could have also had a chance to get a quick zinger in on Loretta who is looking quite vulnerable scrubbing the dishes. Unfortunately we can only dwell on the what could have been. The showdown starts off with a push.
An exemplary piece of insulting by Loretta. With one well crafted line, she makes light of Leroy's laziness (his TV couch potato lifestyle), stupidity (confusing a police procedural drama for some sort of show about beer), and alcoholism (the overwhelming preoccupation with beer). The fact that Loretta is also ripping Leroy in front of celebrity friend Nora Dunn is just delicious icing on the cake. On a tangential note, judging by his extreme proximity to the television, Leroy may be in dire need of glasses. Loretta goes up 1-0.
It's really a shame, after having witnessed that excellent effort by Loretta in the previous panel, that all the potential momentum is immediately quashed by yet another lazy, neutral Lockhorn scene. I have this odd feeling that I've seen almost this exact scene with Leroy and the call center before. It's probably just a reflection of how played the joke is. We move on with a push.
What Loretta specifically meant by "death by chocolate" is "death by all the rat poison I put in the chocolate". Being the disturbed sadist she is, Loretta wants to first subject Leroy to the extended torture of one of her awful dinners before finishing him off with the tainted dessert. Merely dying before dinner would deprive her of that sweet pleasure. As for Leroy, he must be completely delirious from malnutrition to actually look upon a cake baked by Loretta as lip-smackingly delicious. It's either that or he thinks that Loretta actually went out and bought a real chocolate cake. Loretta goes up 2-0.
With the Lockhorns finding themselves once again stranded at the airport, Leroy does what he does best: breaks out an air travel joke so well worn and tired that even the Wright Brothers would have found it passe. It's apparent that Leroy has been camped out at Gate 7 for quite a while but I'm not sure what's been keeping him up. As uncomfortable as an airport bench is, it couldn't possibly be as uncomfortable as sharing a bed with Loretta. It's a push. Loretta takes the relatively quiet Sunday with a stifling 2-0 win.
Leroy's stubborn self denial of his illiteracy is truly heartbreaking. Instead of taking the courageous first step in admitting that he has a problem, he continues to engage in pathetic charades like trying to do a crossword puzzle on a sudoku, leaving himself wide open to Loretta's cruel barbs. While he has somehow managed to graduate from at least high school and maintain a piddling office job, it's only a matter of time before his secret shame will catch up to him. Of course when that time comes Loretta will be right there beside him ready to mock him again. Loretta scores the point.
Today we find Leroy getting the best of Loretta and earning some unexpected style points in the process. Leroy's commentary on Loretta's stereotypically cluttered purse is pretty standard fare, but it's his chill, laid back delivery that I find most interesting. Leaning back on the wall with his one foot crossed, hand in pocket, danging the keys in the other, Leroy exudes a sort of languid, early 50's, Brando-esque sexuality (well as much Brando-esque sexuality as Leroy could exude) while mocking Loretta. In the shadow of Leroy's rare display of casual cool, Loretta can't help but look even more helpless and defeated . Leroy gets the point.
All Loretta's poor friend wanted to do was to come over and watch the latest "Dancing with the Stars" episode in a empty void of a room on uncomfortable wooden chairs with minimal conversation. Unfortunately, as soon as the title credits emerge she is subjected to one of Loretta's classic strained turns of phrases (so Leroy keeps hitting her when they dance? Does he step on her feet and she gets those cartoon stars around her?). If only Leroy was laying on some nearby couch or despondently shuffling past the room; then at least Loretta would have gotten a point out of it. Push.
After years of trying to murder Leroy through poisoned meals and induced falls down stairs, Loretta has turned to the dark art of voodoo in her endless homicidal quest. As terrible a homemaker Loretta with regards to cooking, she appears to be quite a whiz at sewing and stitching. That is a pretty impressive voodoo Leroy doll. It really captures all of his distinct elements: the specific baldness pattern, the perpetual scowl, the prominent beer belly, even the classic shirt color. If she wanted to, she could probably make some nice scratch selling those handmade Leroy dolls on Etsy. I know I'd sign up for one. Loretta conjures up a point.
The only thing older and more obsolete than VCRs are jokes about VCRs. In today's scene, Loretta turns on the way back machine and brings everyone straight back into the middle of a late 80s sitcom with her ossified dig about Leroy's failure to program the VCR. Perhaps she'll follow up with timely zingers referencing cassette tapes, "Miami Vice", or the Iran-Contra affair. The Lockhorns walk an extremely fine line between timeless jokes and old jokes; here's a great example of them sadly tripping into the latter. However as dated the insult may be, it's still an insult nevertheless. Loretta gets the point.
So despite burying the household in debt every time she goes to the mall, Loretta is suddenly a thrifty coupon clipper when it comes to buying food at the supermarket? I find this as wildly incongruous and inconsistent as the Lockhorns' car model. As for the coupons themselves, given the fact that Leroy will gladly accept any sort of food that is actually edible and nonlethal, Loretta's coupons must actually be for an assortment of rat poisons and harsh household cleaning chemicals. It's hard to blame Leroy for not liking that in his diet. Also, is Loretta using one of those tiny toy carts they have at to supermarket for kids to use while following their parents? Leroy continues his streak with another point.