Loretta kicks off the Sunday with a pretty cold blooded move. Despite having shown no indication that she could even set a VCR clock, she somehow manages to manipulate the parental controls in the living room TV to block out all sporting events. It just goes to show, when Loretta really wants to hurt you, she will go all out! She looks down right evil sitting smugly in the kitchen delightfully soaking in Leroy's panic and agony. A well deserved point for Loretta.
Leroy earns some extra style and creativity points by objecting to the grey sludge that Loretta calls yankee pot roast with just the wearing of a Boston Red Sox cap (perhaps he prefers some Boston baked beans?). It's a rare display of real life product placement by the Lockhorns that doesn't involve local shops and restaurants in Nassau county. Also, is that the same framed piece of blank paper hanging on the wall from the previous panel or do the Lockhorns just enjoy putting these things up in every room? Leroy ties things up 1-1.
I find these insults by Loretta where she initially acts like she's being supportive of Leroy only to backhand him with the punchline to be, in some ways, meaner than a devastating insult to the face or an overtly cruel action along the lines for the first panel. I think the dull witted Leroy needs a little time here to process Loretta's little turn of phrase. He knows that there's something insulting about it but he needs time to connect the dots. It's just going to be doubly painful when he figures it out. Loretta takes the lead 2-1.
Past instances on the golf course have made it quite clear that Leroy is a pretty terrible golfer, however, going by his surprisingly impressive form, he may be a halfway decent fencer. Of course, this matters little to Loretta who takes this opportunity to coolly mock Leroy's ridiculous situation from afar (she even threw in her friend's husband on the burn as a freebie). Loretta clinches the day 3-1.
For someone who probably just got into wireless phones, Leroy is getting awfully technical with his operating system/marriage analogy. It's, predictably, a fairly weak joke. It doesn't really say that marriage is bad per se, just that it's different (and that the difference is implied to be negative). I shouldn't even be reading this much into one of Leroy's anti-marriage lines, they should be plain, simple, and direct to the point that: marriage = bad. I'll still give him the benefit of the point but Loretta still takes the day 3-2.
Despite his terminally square middle-aged suburbanite appearance, Leroy is actually sort of a rebel in his own right. He has shown time and time again his eagerness to brazenly mess around with authority figures like police officers and the IRS. Whether this constant rebelliousness is motivated by a genuine desire to stick it to the man or just a desperate ploy to get arrested so he can be separated from Loretta is still up for debate. Regardless, Loretta cashes in on it today for the first point.
The Lockhorns seem to be constantly renewing their vows, or at least proposing to renew their vows, every other week. I think it's just this warped, twisted game of spite by both parties. While each would be undeniably happier without the other, they hate each other so much that they'd rather be miserable together than see each other happy apart. Here Leroy would appear to be ecstatic about the possible expiration of his marriage vows, but really he knows he would never give Loretta the pleasure as well of being out their their toxic marriage. He still gets the point though and ties things up 1-1.
There's plenty of space in the bottom part of the empty room, but for some reason Loretta has to resort to the unsettling caption box to make her zinger; not a fan. Although Loretta has been accused sometimes of exaggerating Leroy's faults to give extra effect to her insults, here she is totally valid. Leroy's sloppy, chaotic, results thus far at the relatively simple task of painting the walls makes me wonder not just about his painting skills but whether he is even capable of properly holding a brush at all. On the plus side he is well dressed for the occasion in his stellar all white painter's ensemble. Loretta takes the lead 2-1.
The Lockhorns trapped in the middle of the ocean in a small motorboat without gas; this premise is ripe for a suspenseful maritime thriller in the vein of "Dead Calm" or "Open Water" (that couple did argue a lot). The fact that Leroy's incompetence has led to their inconvenient situation is great for Loretta but she should take note that Leroy may realize that there are no witnesses around, Loretta has no life jacket, and a he is holding the paddles. Loretta clinches the day 3-1.
At least when Loretta's dishes come burnt to a crisp, one doesn't have to worry as much about salmonella as usual. I found this to be one of Leroy's more clever criticisms about Loretta's food. It's good to see that even though Loretta locked up the showdown in the previous panel, Leroy didn't just quit and packed it in. While it'll only give him a close loss, he'll have some momentum to build upon going into the upcoming week. Leroy takes the point but Loretta holds on to win 3-2.
Loretta cannot expect her miniskirt wearing friend and us to believe that it takes the Lockhorns an entire year to fill that modest swear jar. Realistically, they should be using multiple large empty water cooler containers. Perhaps they constantly replace these small jars over the course of the year and they just have some closet that is completely stuffed with jars of change. The possibility that the Lockhorns are paying their taxes every year with countless jars of loose change would give a possible explanation for the IRS's hostile attitude towards them. Push.
Loretta didn't even have to start singing while playing for Leroy to swoop in and mock her lack of talent. He even goes the extra mile and incorporates a little physical element to his diss by getting down on the floor; this is quite an effort given is reputation for extreme laziness. Also, I know I'm over thinking this, but wouldn't Beethoven, who became deaf in the latter half of his life, be incapable of hearing Loretta butchering his classics (putting aside the fact that he is also dead)? Leroy goes up 1-0.
One would expect that Leroy would ask for a dictionary here, but I guess a thesaurus would also suffice. Then again, if this is some sort of snooty French restaurant, as the stereotypical waiter would imply, then wouldn't Leroy want a French to English dictionary? Interestingly if Loretta requested the menu and the thesaurus on behalf of Leroy it would come off as a point in her favor, but here it's more a cranky Leroy complaining about the overly obscure menu. It's another push, Leroy still leads 1-0.
It seems the Lockhorns take the idea of marriage being a contract far too literally by negotiating really specific terms and obligations. Leroy's attempts to sneak in some more favorable terms in their renewed wedding vows is thwarted by the sharp eyed Loretta. Why neither of them ever put this much work in securing a long overdue divorce will be a complete mystery forever. For Loretta's attention to detail, she gets the point; 1-1.
Leroy is in truly rare form tonight as he manages to swiftly alienate everyone in their white void cocktail party in record time. Loretta of course is right there to congratulate him as soon as possible. If I where Leroy I would start hustling towards the exit immediately, it would appear that everyone else at the party is conspiring to murder him. That couple on the purple bean bags look particularly malicious. Loretta excels down the stretch and pulls out the tight 2-1 victory.
Let's just all hope that Loretta is referring to the similarity between the posing of Leroy and Rodin's "The Thinker" and not to the state of undress. Loretta's quality rank out however is once again all for naught due to the unfortunate absence of Leroy (who showed last week that the only kind of art he's into are ugly clown paintings that annoy Loretta). I can't blame Loretta for jumping the gun, sometimes when the inspiration hits, you just have to insult. Also, is that lady in the back admiring a side profile portrait of The Penguin? Push.
I have to give it to Leroy, even while groggy and disheveled, with most likely a raging hangover from a night of hard drinking, he still manages to shoot off an insult to Loretta about her coffee. It's a good thing he got his barb off in time, since Loretta would have been right there to make fun of his slovenly state. Hopefully he is awake enough to quickly dodge the scalding hot pot of coffee Loretta is about to throw at his face. Leroy goes up 1-0.
I'm not sure what good the ankle monitor will do at the party. Loretta doesn't have to track him over a wide area, they will probably be under the same roof for the whole night. Perhaps if there was some sort of electric shock collar situation keeping him from the open bar or roaming bimbos, it would make more sense. Still, there has to be something said for embarrassing your spouse at a party in front of all your friends by forcing him to wear an ankle monitor. Loretta ties it up 1-1.
This really is a perplexing dig by Loretta. What exactly does "the call of the wild" have to do with Leroy being a slob in front of the TV? Is she implying that he has become so unkempt and uncivilized that he is being called out to nature? There were so many better ways Loretta could have have gone with this scene. She could have said it was opportunity calling and it was on hold or maybe that life was calling and it was passing him by. Heck, I would have preferred to have Loretta say the jerk store called and they were running out of Leroy. I'll still give her the point, but it's definitely not her finest moment. Loretta leads 2-1.
Apparently the Lockhorns have one car that has survived Loretta's destructive driving habits to live up to the ripe old age of 180,000 miles. I suspect that this might be Leroy's personal car and that he has actually made numerous modifications to it inside and out, including rolling up the odometer, to make it as unappealing a ride as possible for Loretta to keep her at bay. It's sort of like that old SNL parody commercial about a luxury car that looks like a clunker to prevent theft. Of course it still won't stop Loretta from using it to mock Leroy. Loretta takes the final three points to cruise to a 3-1 victory.