Thursday, December 31, 2009

December 31, 2009

After a year of misery, loathing, anger, resentment, and spite; the Lockhorns find themselves kicked out of their local New Years Eve party and stuck once again with their unbearable selves; how utterly proper. While the details have always been left ambiguous, whatever Leroy's views are on politics, sports, or religion they must be quite extreme and controversial for him to alienate so many people and be such a pariah in the community. After multiple decades of getting banned from parties I don't know how many more homes are left on Long Island for the Lockhorns to be welcomed in. Perhaps a few more years of this and they'll have to seek greener pastures in Westchester or even New Jersey. Push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 111
Loretta - 145
Push - 109

***

With that final push, the foregone conclusion for the past two months finally becomes official: Loretta Lockhorn is the inaugural 2009 "Lockhorn vs. Lockhorn" Champion! Through 365 grueling, excruciating days demonstrating the darkest, ugliest corners of the human condition, Loretta emerges from the abyss as the undisputed champion. For Leroy, hopefully he can learn from his miscues and missed opportunities from this unsuccessful year and find a way to challenge Loretta rather than the Push for positioning. Also, for all the readers out there, thank you all for accompanying me through this harrowing journey through the twisted world of the Lockhorns. Things got a little backed up and rushed at times, but we made it through the entire year (just barely) and I look forward to archiving another 365 round prize fight in 2010 between everyone's favorite loathsome couple: The Lockhorns.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

December 30, 2009

It's good to see that Leroy is back on his feet again after a rough start to the week. Ironically when it comes to Leroy, nothing cures his funks better than Loretta's poisonous cooking. Here, Leroy doesn't even need a fully cooked meal to get an opportunity to serve up some spite, he dumps this criticism at the preparation stage; right in the kitchen. Actually, going into an uncontrollable tearing phase is one of the the milder side effects one can suffer from consuming Loretta's cuisine. A few tears shouldn't be your first concern, it should be surviving until morning. Leroy serves himself a point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 111
Loretta - 145
Push - 108

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

December 29, 2009

There's something creepy and unsettling about this Leroy-less scene with the empty chair at the marriage counselor's office. While it's supposed to show how Leroy has problems committing to things including scheduled marriage counseling sessions, it also sort of looks like Loretta actually murdered Leroy and is making something up to throw off the suspicious counselor. However, if it comes out that Loretta really did murder Leroy, I doubt Pullman would even care. His vacant glassy eyed appearance indicates that that for this session, like most of his other sessions with the Lockhorns, he is obliviously high. It's a push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 145
Push - 108

Monday, December 28, 2009

December 28, 2009

As expected, Loretta's brutal assault on Leroy on Sunday night has landed Leroy in the intensive care ward. While most people would be concerned about receiving immediate treatment for their life threatening bodily injuries, Leroy is preoccupied with far more important concerns like giving the doctor an unnecessarily hard time. Leroy's really relying heavily on that Hippocratic Oath to protect him from any spiteful reprisals by the staff. Also, is anyone else a bit freaked out by the size the pillow Leroy's laying on? It's enormous! Push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 145
Push - 107

Sunday, December 27, 2009

December 27, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • Nothing like a good old fashion home cooked meal to kick off the last Sunday Showdown of the year, technically of the decade. Leroy gives our poor first time dinner guest (I don't think there are any second time dinner guests) a quick overview of the rituals involved in eating Loretta's dangerous cooking. Leroy should also mention all the praying that many guests usually engage in during the meal as they pray for some higher power to end their gruesome suffering. Leroy takes the first point.
  • Loretta shows off some of her extensive collection of "I'm With Stupid" t-shirts, or as she likes to refer to them "formal wear". It's a quality rank out by Loretta but we all could have been spared the grossly objectionable sight of her in a tank top. With the end of summer, I thought we were all in the clear regarding seeing Loretta in anything less than a conservative matronly dress. How terribly wrong I was. Loretta ties it up 1-1.
  • I'm having an extremely difficult time processing this scene. So this scene is implying that Leroy just told Loretta he "loved" her and Loretta is reciprocating by giving him an affectionate embrace? Well, the universe hasn't imploded into itself so at least we know that the Lockhorns haven't completely put aside their decades of hatred and started "loving" each other. I'm going to assume, to prevent myself from suffering a fatal aneurysm, that this is all part of some elaborate long con by Leroy to get back at Loretta and that Loretta's showing of affection is actually totally born out of spite to make Leroy feel as uncomfortable as possible. This situation is far too complex to award either side the point, let's call it a push and just hope that everything returns to normal.
  • I've never been more happy to see the Lockhorns involved in a pointless push. The more distance we put between us and that prior horrific display the better. While it's usually Leroy who is the one having problems appreciating high culture, today it's Loretta who seem to be so baffled by modern art that she suspects a trash can may be some sort of installation. Leroy, alas, cannot capitalize on this situation since he's just as confused himself. It's another push and everybody remains tied.
  • Now this is the sort of physical contact between the Lockhorns that I fully approve of! Apparently Leroy's liquored up flirting has reached such an objectionable point that Loretta is now ready to "derail" Leroy, probably with a furious series of left and rights from those monstrous meat hooks she calls hands. It looks like another visit to Dr. Blog is coming up on the horizon. I wonder if Leroy will mock the poor quality of service or the high price...or maybe both! With that pounding, Loretta snatches the last Sunday Showdown of the year, 2-1.
Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 145
Push - 106

Saturday, December 26, 2009

December 26, 2009

Leroy apparently does all his Christmas shopping at the same kitsch filled flea market/auction house that he does his personal lamp shopping. Unfortunately for Leroy, he gets the same uniformly negative reaction from Loretta. Judging by Leroy's look of genuine disappointment, I think deep down he actually thought that Loretta would not find his gift so objectionable. This may have actually been a legitimate giving gesture, free of spite and bitterness. Of course whatever flickering ember of goodwill that may have existed was quickly snuffed out with prejudice by Loretta's comments of disgust. Leroy you weak romantic, when will you ever learn? Loretta gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 144
Push - 106

Friday, December 25, 2009

December 25, 2009

This has got to be the most depressing Christmas party I have ever seen. Of the four people present three can either be categorized as explicitly unhappy or completely bored. The only one with anything resembling a smile is Leroy, who is obviously bombed out of his mind on Christmas "spirits". Regardless of whatever presents Loretta received this year, her true gift was the incredibly generous amount of opportunities that arose over the holidays for her to criticize how cheap Leroy was. Her poor friend must be getting so sick of those "Leroy is a tightwad" punchlines. She obviously hears Loretta's puns everyday, but at least before there was a bit more variety in her comments. At least tonight Loretta has the benefit of having Leroy present so she can get a point out of it.

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 143
Push - 106

Thursday, December 24, 2009

December 24, 2009

The Lockhorns' ongoing struggles with the Lenharts seem to have reached a sort of d├ętente with both sides mutually agreeing not to invite or attend each other's party, leading to the only possible scenario where the Lockhorns would be given a thank you note for doing anything. While it looks that an uneasy peace has been temporarily established, the pessimist in me suspects future flare ups between the Lockhorns and their off screen nemeses. The two anatogonistic couples seem to be busy fixtures of the same Long Island middle aged drunken cocktail party scene and tensions still run fairly high. It's yet another push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 142
Push - 106

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

December 23, 2009

Two days before Christmas and Loretta is getting started on shopping for her gift to Leroy. Why is this not shocking in the least? With the year end title having been locked up for weeks, Loretta is just showboating, tossing out vitriol left and right without any regard for Leroy being there or not. It's quite an embarrassment of riches on the part of Loretta when she can just burn through quality snipes like this just for her personal enjoyment. On the flip side, Leroy's weak overall performance this month seems to give all the indications that he has quit on this year and is thinking ahead to 2010. He really should try to put up some kind of strong finish if only to build momentum for next year. It'd be quite embarrassing if he loses out to "push" for the year. Push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 142
Push - 105

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

December 22, 2009

Loretta will utilize even the most minor and esoteric subjects into some sort of put down about Leroy; even excessively generic anti-crime public service announcement posters she passes on the streets. That sort of single minded dedication and focus is equal parts admirable and disturbing. Of course the cardinal Lockhorn rule of two prevents Loretta from cashing in on this quality rank out. Perhaps she should later take an intentional walk with Leroy down the same street so she can actually get credit for hurting Leroy's feelings. Also, I didn't know Long Island had such a big problem with stubbly, capped, masked, robber caricatures running around. Where are the Keystone Kops when you need them? Push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 142
Push - 104

Monday, December 21, 2009

December 21, 2009

It's obvious that Counselor Pullman has never had to suffer the traumatic experience of eating dinner at the Lockhorns'. If he had eaten before, he would have no doubt found his suggestion that Leroy attempt to compliment Loretta's cooking to be beyond unreasonable. However, given this impossible notion, Leroy masterfully flips it into a deft backhanded compliment that really nails Loretta right between the eyes. It's a pretty commendable piece of insulting, Leroy mocks Loretta's cooking without even a meal present; one of the best jabs of the year. Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 142
Push - 103

Sunday, December 20, 2009

December 20, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • Leroy's tale of how he was chased out of his home and into the gym by Loretta's unbearably awful singing and instrument playing would have been a bona fide point but without Loretta around to be insulted it can't be officially counted. Actually Loretta's absence may be an unexpected benefit for Leroy. The sight of a miserable, sweaty, Leroy struggling on a treadmill with apparently no shoes on would be a prime opportunity for her to unleash a bitting quip of her own. Also, what sort of bizarre gym places a treadmill directly in front of the weight machine so both users can't avoid awkwardly staring at each other? It's a push.
  • I guess Loretta's suggestion of personal infidelity is supposed to offend Leroy? While Loretta may be a bubbling cauldron of rage and jealousy every time she sees Leroy drunkenly flirting with bimbos or ogling girls at the beach or coming home suspiciously late, somehow I don't think Leroy would be all that heartbroken if Loretta left him for another man. I think this fisherman would be all too happy to be throwing this catch back out onto the sea. Regardless of Leroy's final reaction, it's still a good insult on paper; Loretta goes up 1-0.
  • I don't get it. Obviously Loretta's persistant reminding of Leroy is textbook nagging, so I'm not sure what Loretta is trying to do by characterizing her nagging in a different manner. She's not even using any sort of euphemism, she's just detailing her nagging. Is this supposed to be some sort of slight on Leroy? All I know is, Leroy's unhappy and Loretta is continuing to nag him so the winner here by default is Loretta. She takes a 2-0 lead.
  • Leroy finally gets a point on the board with a grand toast at the dinner table to the eventual death of his tastebuds. Almost every time Leroy found himself in an extended funk this year, it was usually Loretta's vile homecooking that got him an easy rebound. Regretably, there was only so many meals for Leroy to exploit this year. For Loretta, the tastebuds aren't the only parts of Leroy that she wishes would stop functioning. Leroy cuts the lead down to 2-1.
  • The story may be that Leroy was so absentminded that he managed to accidentally arrive at the opera in his full face painted fan regalia, but I suspect this was all a deceptive ruse diabolically carried out by Loretta to trick him into coming to the opera house looking foolish. I'm not really sure what team or even sport Leroy is so fanatically rooting for here. It almost looks like a weird amalgam of the NY Giants and the Jets colors, but he also looks dressed more for baseball. Confusion aside, Loretta scores a decisive point and takes the day 3-1.
Official Count:
Leroy - 109
Loretta - 142
Push - 103

Saturday, December 19, 2009

December 19, 2009

For a household that has an unfathomable amount of debt, an abysmal credit score, and little to no earning power, the Lockhorns sure are the target of a lot of telemarketers. It's probably all due to Loretta's constant purchasing and proclivity towards signing up for costly scams. Despite Leroy's most spiteful of efforts, there doesn't seem to be any end in sight between the countless groups of telephone solicitors and the Lockhorns. The endless war rages on, with us the general public being the true casualties. Push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 109
Loretta - 141
Push - 103

Friday, December 18, 2009

December 18, 2009

The Lockhorns finally get around to picking up their annual Christmas tree (with only a week to spare). Unfortunately for Leroy, his plan to utilize optical illusions in a totally pathetic attempt at yuletide frugality is already being relayed by Loretta to her friend for the purpose of ridiculing him. I'm not sure why he would tell Loretta about his Christmas tree plan, it sort of takes all the effectiveness out of the deception. Perhaps the original plan was a decoy and he really intends to bring in the walls of his living room to make both the tree and presents look bigger. Regardless, Loretta gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 109
Loretta - 141
Push - 102

Thursday, December 17, 2009

December 17, 2009

Leroy comes home from a late night out to the always formidable sight of a disgruntled Loretta. Considering how she was denied an opportunity to serve him a disgusting dinner of piping hot garbage and to take (and immediately belittle) his paycheck, it's no surprise to see that Loretta is infuriated. However, despite her incensed nagging and intense interrogations about forbidden poker games with the guys or secret canoodling with bimbos, Leroy remains boldly defiant in the face of the ever strengthening storm. For his crack about her questioning, Leroy deserves a will earned point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 109
Loretta - 140
Push - 102

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

December 16, 2009

It seems that the Lockhorns survived their long encounter with Dr. Blog's hideous mutant receptionist only to be rewarded with yet another unreasonably steep bill for his special brand of inattentive medical service. While it used to be that the always financially insolvent Lockhorns were his most commonly defaulting patients, it seems that the economic downturn has made it more difficult for the good doctor to gouge the rest of his clientele. Until the state of the nation improves, it looks like he will have to reduce his fees from "unconscionably expensive" to merely "unreasonably expensive". We all have to make sacrifices in this new economic reality. It's a second straight doctor's office push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 108
Loretta - 140
Push - 102

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

December 15, 2009

Okay, we get it, it's another example of the overpriced, underwhelming, impersonal service that the Lockhorns get at the doctor's office. We're all supposed to sympathize and find humorous this exaggerated depiction of the general doctor's visit peeves we all experience. With that being said, what the hell is wrong with receptionist's face? What's with the disturbing, inhuman proportions and the lack of depth? It's like something out of a Lovecraftian nightmare! This can't be the same beady eyed, horse faced, receptionist that usually works for the doctor, is it? Has she been replaced by this gruesome robot that spouts generic waiting messages? Let's call it a push and leave this terrible place.

Official Count:
Leroy - 108
Loretta - 140
Push - 101

Monday, December 14, 2009

December 14, 2009

Even the ever bitter Lockhorns are not immune to the spirit of giving and charity that pervades the holiday season. Unfortunately Leroy's ties are so hideous and lacking in aesthetic merit that even Goodwill refuses to take them for free. Loretta really had her pick of insults in this particular scene. Aside from telling Leroy the embarrassing news that his ties were unwanted by charity, Loretta could have also gone to town on Leroy's outdated and gaudy neon blue, zigzag sport coat. With so many liabilities in fashion alone, it's no wonder Leroy is trailing Loretta by such a healthy margin. It's a point for Loretta.

Official Count:
Leroy - 108
Loretta - 140
Push - 100

Sunday, December 13, 2009

December 13, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • For quite possibly the first time ever, Loretta makes someone else more miserable than Leroy in a scene. The first poor soul to be part of this dubious distinction is the completely broken down shoe salesman, who after hours upon countless hours of fetching and fitting specially-made gigantic Loretta sized shoes, is now told that she had been considering Internet shopping all along thus potentially eliminating his sale/commission and rendering all his hard work moot. Loretta is always setting the bar higher and higher in terms of pure sadism. Leroy's explicit eye rolling look of disgust covers the bare minimum to earn him a point.
  • As we learned from last week's Sunday Showdown, Leroy has a real dependence on that first mug of "fortified" Irish coffee for the day. Loretta is obviously mocking Leroy's late wake-up, but noon really isn't all that ridiculous of a rising time, especially for those who enjoy a good sleep-in on the weekends. I think Loretta's just trying to cover up from her friend, her ongoing progressive plot to destroy Leroy via sleep deprivation. Nevertheless, Loretta gets the point and ties the score.
  • If you remove the "at twister" part of the chiropractor's advice, we see the true reasons behind Leroy's visit. I really can't imagine any scenario where the Lockhorns would be playing "Twister" against each other considering all the intimate physical contact, minimum flexibility requirements, and general appearance of fun that accompany the game. Leroy's aching back is obviously from the usual physical altercations that pepper the Lockhorns' day; he just doesn't want to explain their toxic situation to the chiropractor and potentially the police. It's a push.
  • Despite Loretta's long history of torturing others with her horrible singing, it's Leroy who is getting pulled over by law enforcement for singing along with the radio. I guess I didn't get the memo about this being opposite day. Perhaps in the future we will see Leroy cooking awful dinners and Loretta drunkenly flirting with strapping, blond mimbos at parties. Who knows what the new year will bring? As for Loretta, her beaming smile of superiority here gives her the edge and the point.
  • So Leroy bets on the fighter that most closely resembles an anachronistic Victorian-Era widow? Perhaps he's not being that overly literal but Leroy's system does make sense if he's going with the fighter that most resembles Loretta's mother in terms of having a mean spirited disposition and bubbling rage right beneath the surface. One can only imagine the kind of vicious pugilist that someone with even half of Loretta's mother's bitterness and anger would be. Leroy gets the point and forces the 2-2 push for the day. That officially makes it 100 on the year.
Official Count:
Leroy - 108
Loretta - 139
Push - 100

Saturday, December 12, 2009

December 12, 2009

I don't know if Leroy has some sinister ulterior motive like closing the door on Loretta's face or tripping her as she walks by, but on its face, this actually looks like an act of actual courteousness (or at the very least non-hostility, which is just as good in the world of the Lockhorns) on the part of Leroy. Of course the reward Leroy gets for his rare considerate act is an automatic jab by Loretta about how lazy he has become. Leroy seems to have momentarily forgotten the cardinal rule of the twisted world of the Lockhorns: compassion = weakness. Loretta wins another point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 108
Loretta - 139
Push - 99

Friday, December 11, 2009

December 11, 2009

I initially thought that Loretta was using roman numerals and was confused as to why she was mocking Leroy by suggesting he start his autobiography at chapter two. Then I realized that she was referring to the well known chapter of the US Bankruptcy code which obviously made a lot more sense. If Loretta wanted to throw out a more hip and current autobiography joke she might have suggested that Leroy title his autobiography "Going Bald". Of course that would have displayed a shockingly unprecedented degree of currentness on the part of the Lockhorns. Still, Loretta dig is a solid one overall. Loretta scores the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 108
Loretta - 138
Push - 99

Thursday, December 10, 2009

December 10, 2009

Perhaps Leroy is finally catching onto the notion that Loretta can't impulsively fritter away all his money if he impulsively fritters it all away first. By attempting to blow all his money on the ridiculous purchase of a chopper, Leroy has effectively turned the tables on Loretta. It's Loretta who now stares on in defeat as she sees money that she could have spent disappear right in front of her eyes. Leroy even looks a little like Loretta in this scene, wishfully gazing at the chopper like Loretta wishfully gazes at an expensive pair of shoes or a new dress. While it's obviously too late for Leroy to catch up to Loretta on the year, perhaps he'll ride this strategy towards future success. Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 108
Loretta - 137
Push - 99

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

December 9, 2009

Leroy, ever the astute social critic, echoes the sentiments of millions of Americans critical of the staggering billions in bailout funds given to aid numerous financial institutions dig themselves out of the economic ruin caused by their own out of control greed and recklessness. The employee of their local bank branch (a suspicious, possibly fly by night, operation that does business only as "Bank") is none too thrilled at Leroy's open protest. Of course there really isn't much Leroy can do but his personal little stunt as the bank goes forward with their foreclosure proceedings on his house. A defiant push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 107
Loretta - 137
Push - 99

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

December 8, 2009

Like a rooster at dawn, Leroy is immediately greeted at the start of every morning with a mean spirited barb by Loretta; signaling the start of another unbearable day of failure. Judging by Leroy's drained, haggard appearance, it seems that Loretta's sadistic schedule of sleep deprivation is coming along quite nicely. While she seems well on her way towards completely breaking down Leroy mentally and physically, she still manages to score some extra points on the side by additionally mocking Leroy's ever degenerating physical state. One would expect nothing less than such a thorough effort from Loretta. A well earned point for Loretta.

Official Count:

Leroy - 107
Loretta - 137
Push - 98

Monday, December 7, 2009

December 7, 2009

Every once in a while, the Lockhorns take a break from their usual back and fourth routine and find themselves in some really surreal Lynchian scenes. For instance, a simple night at the movies takes a turn into the bizarre when Leroy's "Star-Spangled Banner" ringtone causes everyone in the theater to suddenly stand simultaneously in glassy-eyed attention like a bunch of patriotic zombies. Loretta, never one to be distracted by mind blowing weirdness, only questions Leroy as to when he switched is ringtone. Overall though, I do enjoy these occasional insane pushes over the the common ones. Push.

I wonder if that bald guy up front knows that his long lost Mexican-American half brother is sitting right behind him?

Official Count:
Leroy - 107
Loretta - 136
Push - 98

Sunday, December 6, 2009

December 6, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • Today's Sunday Showdown kicks off with the always terrifying sight of Loretta belting out the classics on the family piano, making Edith Bunker sound like Alicia Keys by comparison. Leroy instantly gives his trained Pavlovian response to Loretta's familiar shrill stimuli: a cutting remark. If only Leroy really could ship Loretta off to band camp, it would accomplish the dual goals of temporarily getting rid of Loretta and potentially teaching her some degree of musical ability. Alas, all Leroy can do is give his insults and collect his points. Leroy goes up 1-0.
  • The latest edition of Leroy's tacky antique road show brings us this kitschy bear lamp. Loretta is more than ready to ruin Leroy's fleeting moment of happiness and satisfaction by once again criticizing his horrible aesthetic sensibilities. No doubt, Leroy's prized auction item will in the coming days be found "mysteriously" destroyed like many of his other favorite possessions a la "A Christmas Story". Loretta ties it up.
  • We find ourselves skipping through the horror and bloodshed of another session at the marriage counselor's and straight to the eventual conclusion. With her massive head held up high, it appears that Loretta has won this battle in the endless war of attrition that is the Lockhorns' failed marriage. Thoroughly defeated for now, all Leroy can do is put in his grumbling complaints and hope for a more favorable outcome at the next visit. Loretta takes the lead 2-1.
  • Every so often, one of the Lockhorns will cross the proverbial line in terms of their actions against the other; where their spite and cruelty goes beyond what is normally expected by even Lockhorn standards. This would appear to be such a situation. All poor Leroy wanted was his usual breakfast of whiskey loaded Irish coffee to dull the pain of his miserable existence; but Loretta sadistically denied him of even that. Take away his booze and what has the man got? How else can he get through the day? It's a downright ice cold move by Loretta. Loretta goes up 3-1.
  • A look of actual happiness on Leroy's face? He must be drunk and dancing with a bimbo! While Leroy burns up the dance floor with his latest Amazonian conquest, Loretta turns to her trusted friend/sounding board to voice her latest complaint. Although it has cost him countless points all year long, Leroy just refuses to give up the giant bimbos. With this point Loretta puts the exclaimation point on this Sunday blowout 4-1.
Official Count:
Leroy - 107
Loretta - 136
Push - 97

Saturday, December 5, 2009

December 5, 2009

I refuse to accept that the Lockhorns haven't used the "dog-eat-dog" idiom until today. It's such a well worn old chestnut, that I wouldn't be surprised if its was used in the first ever Lockhorn panel. I've only been following 2009 thus far, so maybe there exists a whole bunch of instances of the phrase from the last 40 or so years. With that being said, Loretta's use of it here is downright devastating. Essentially writing off Leroy as a complete loser in front of everyone within shouting distance at the cocktail party is as harsh as it gets. Leroy looks especially dismayed that he just lost the respect of his older bald mustachioed acquaintance. Loretta nails the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 107
Loretta - 135
Push - 97

Friday, December 4, 2009

December 4, 2009

Is it me or does it seem like the Lockhorns' assigned IRS agent is getting increasingly derisive with every visit? Years upon years of persistently fraudulent paperwork and inaccurate returns would wear down even the most seasoned and professional of IRS agents. At this point it's a game of chicken between the IRS agent and Leroy. Now it's a question of how many income tax shenanigans can Leroy pull and the agent will tolerate before he is eventually sent to prison. The endless struggle continues and, like Alien vs. Predator, whoever wins we lose. Push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 107
Loretta - 134
Push - 97

Thursday, December 3, 2009

December 3, 2009

Leroy's intense air batoning session reminds me of that old episode of the Simpsons where Bart visits Principal Skinner at his home and finds him similarly air batoning to a recording of Beethoven. That scene and this may very well be the only two known depictions of air batoning in the history of media. That being said, I'm actually quite surprised to see Leroy even listening to classical music. For a man who has shown such disdain for the theater, it's a bit incongruous to see him rocking out to the the classics. I would have sooner expected him to be air guitaring than channeling his inner Leonard Bernstein. Of course, the one consistent thing about all this is Loretta's unceasing mockery of Leroy. Loretta gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 107
Loretta - 134
Push - 96

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

December 2, 2009

Today's scene finds Leroy explaining to his fellow blue smock wearing commuter and co-worker his lopsided holiday routine with Loretta. Although Leroy's comments about Loretta's spendthrift ways would be a good clean point for him, unfortunately he isn't in the presence of her to make it official. Had he only just waited to unleash his critical commentary at some crowded cocktail party or a terrible dinner gathering or while chatting with the next door neighbors when both Lockhorns would be within hearing distance of each other, he would have earned a much needed point. Alas, it's just another push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 107
Loretta - 133
Push - 96

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

December 1, 2009

It's another depressing scene at the giant old fashioned clerk desk as the Lockhorns take stock of and make somber jokes about their ever worsening finances. Loretta makes a topical reference about Somali pirates that's only about half a year late; I think it's a new personal best. Although given the age of the Lockhorns, Loretta's comment may be referring to the older, skull and bones, pirates. All in all, the whole efforts also seems a bit forced. It's obvious that there has never been a situation in the Lockhorns' long miserable lives where their "ship" was anywhere near "coming in", but for the sake of her punchline Loretta had to start off with a little fiction. Both Lockhorns lose, it's a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 107
Loretta - 133
Push - 95