Monday, October 31, 2011

October 31, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 102
Loretta - 120
Push - 82

Sunday, October 30, 2011

October 30, 2011: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • It is a little ambiguous as to what Leroy was referring to as looking new. I really hope he was talking about the suitcases. This exchange better not be about the bed sheets or some sort of (ugh) sexy lingerie or (barf) contraceptives or anything else connected with the Lockhorns' honeymoon which may suggest something dangerously close to intimate relations. Also, what's the deal with all the purple shirts in the closest? It's incongruous with either Lockhorns' usual attire. Loretta gets the point.
  • Leroy makes the fatal mistake of walking with Loretta down the street where long time Huntington institution Freedman Jewelers is located (which is apparently 345 New York Ave). He should know by now that bringing Loretta anywhere near a store selling luxury items is a recipe for disaster and ruin. He should actually consider himself lucky that Loretta is merely threatening him to buy her expensive jewelry on her birthday. She could just as easily have manhandled him into the store and emptied his bank account right then and there. Loretta still earns the point however and takes a commanding 2-0 lead.
  • So, the Lockhorns' scale is supposed to be connected the the internet or something? I will give them due credit, a complaint about the ubiquity of short adverts on the internet and in movie theaters is actually timely and relevant (ever read the vicious comments on a youtube video with Vevo content? They are not pleased.). It's still sort of a waste to use such a high potential scene to make the complaint though. Anytime you have a Lockhorn on top of a bathroom scale and neither side ends up scoring a point off a fat joke, it's a definite shame. Push, Loretta still leads 2-0.
  • This is quite possibly one of the most insane Lockhorn panels I have ever seen. Loretta's recklessness behind the wheel reaches an outrageous new level with her managing to miss the garage entirely and driving directly into the living room. Leroy didn't even have to say anything, the mere sight of a confused looking Loretta, both hands clutching the wheel, vacantly looking out into her living room from her totaled car would have been enough for a point on its own. The ludicrously out of whack perspective between Loretta in the car and Leroy and his friend is just the delicious cherry on top. Leroy cuts the lead down to 2-1.
  • A big reason for Loretta's historic success with Sunday showdowns has been her great ability to close out the final panel. Whenever things get close coming down to the last scene, Loretta more often then not will manage to get in that clutch final zinger. She doesn't get too clever or cute or, sometimes, even funny; she just gets the points she needs. Today is a perfect example, with Leroy threatening to salvage a tie, Loretta locks it down with an ancient chestnut of a line about "right" brained people. Call it lame, call it a point. Loretta takes the day 3-1.
Official Count:
Leroy - 101
Loretta - 120
Push - 82

Saturday, October 29, 2011

October 29, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 101
Loretta - 119
Push - 82

Friday, October 28, 2011

October 28, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 101
Loretta - 119
Push - 81

Thursday, October 27, 2011

October 27, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 101
Loretta - 118
Push - 81

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

October 26, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 100
Loretta - 118
Push - 81

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

October 25, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 99
Loretta - 118
Push - 81

Monday, October 24, 2011

October 24, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 98
Loretta - 118
Push - 81

Sunday, October 23, 2011

October 23, 2011: Sunday Showdown!

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Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • To be fair, bacon fragrances have made great progress into the mainstream and there is clearly a wider audience of bacon scent enthusiasts out there outside of just the lazy slobbish Leroy types. I do caution Loretta however about dabbling in any food related perfumes, lest she actually wants a display of genuine attraction and possible physical interest from Leroy. The man has been denied the tastes and scents of edible food for so long there is no telling what his sudden reaction would be. It's a push.
  • Once again I sort of have to come to Leroy's defense. He is clearly guilty of his usual shameless ogling but can you really blame the man? What kind of library is this anyway? There is nothing on the Levittown Public Library website to indicate that it is staffed by towering sexy librarian fetish models (seriously, she must be 8 feet tall with that massive beehive). I think any patron, male or female, would find such a sight working the circulation desk to be unavoidably distracting. Still, Loretta is entitled to a point for calling Leroy out. The score stands 1-0.
  • It appears Leroy still hasn't grasped the concept of a wireless phone. He doesn't have to stand next to the receiver like that while he's on hold. I always dislike Lockhorn panels involving telephone problems. The only thing worse than Leroy complaining about long waits on the line is when he makes outdated complaints about telemarketers interrupting dinners. It's a shame that they had to use the big prime central panel for this tired non-joke. What a waste. It's another push, Loretta leads 1-0.
  • Given his hellish home situation, it is surprising that we don't get more scenes of Leroy avoiding Loretta and drinking his troubles away at Arthur's (really what is the difference between Leroy and fellow sad sack, wife hating, alcoholic Norm from Cheers?). I smell a spin off series here: a daily panel involving Leroy and his fellow degenerate barflies, swilling beer, bantering with the oddly shaped bartender (you know he's got a story to tell), and making sardonic observations about their unhappy lives. Yet another push, Loretta is still holding onto that 1-0 lead.
  • I enjoyed Loretta's twist on the old axiom about clothes making the man. It's also quite true. Often times Leroy will be pretty sharply dressed while making an obnoxious ass of himself at a soon to be ex-acquaintance's cocktail party. Judging by the glazed look on his face and his sedated posture he is well on his way to either getting into a random fistfight or grinding up on some unsuspecting bimbo party guest. Proactive Loretta didn't even bother waiting for those slam dunk opportunities before slamming him. This is one of the reasons why she is comfortably ahead in the yearly standing and has locked down another Sunday Showdown 2-0.
Official Count:
Leroy - 98
Loretta - 118
Push - 80

Saturday, October 22, 2011

October 22, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 98
Loretta - 117
Push - 80

Friday, October 21, 2011

October 21, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 117
Push - 80

Thursday, October 20, 2011

October 20, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 116
Push - 80

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

October 19, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 116
Push - 79

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

October 18, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 116
Push - 78

Monday, October 17, 2011

October 17, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 116
Push - 77

Sunday, October 16, 2011

October 16, 2011: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • Today's Sunday Showdown finds Leroy once again recovering at the hospital from his latest encounter with Loretta's cooking and/or murder attempt. Instead of using this situation to his advantage by pointing out how he gets to eat real, edible meals now or how wonderful it is to be away from Loretta, he squanders his opportunity by complaining about the lack of attention by the hospital staff. In their defense, I suspect that after examining Leroy and checking his vitals the medical staff assumed he was near death anyway so they just left him to die in peace. We start things off with a push.
  • Correction Loretta, Leroy also becomes an unstoppable dancing machine when he becomes deliriously drunk and when he spots a poor unsuspecting leggy bimbo at a party to start grinding up on. He also most likely dances for joy anytime you are away from the house. In fact, a more accurate statement would be that Leroy only doesn't dance with Loretta. Of course all this would have been a point for Leroy if he managed to get it out before Loretta. Alas, he is beaten to the punch and the point. Loretta is up 1-0.
  • As slovenly and disgusting as Leroy can get around the house or during his darker periods of despair and depression, he does manage to clean up nicely whenever he's being dragged to some formal function by Loretta. His sharp dressing still won't protect him, however, from an acerbic assault by Loretta. This time Loretta goes for a head shot, going for the low hanging fruit of "Leroy is balding" jokes. Uninspired but effective, Loretta goes up 2-0.
  • Huge misplay by Leroy in this panel! When given the benefit of a disgusting meal by Loretta to earn an easy point on, Leroy inexplicably decides to make an awful, painfully outdated complaint about telemarketers calling during dinner time (quite possibly the most dated of gripes about "modern life" that the Lockhorns still make on a regular basis). He turns a slam dunk point and an opportunity to try and salvage a tie into a worthless push and locks up another Sunday for Loretta. With an ever increasing double digit deficit to overcome and only roughly two and a half months make up the difference, Leroy can ill afford such costly blunders. Push.
  • Loretta puts an final exclamation point on one of her most dominating Sunday Showdowns in recent memory by running up the score on Leroy. Despite being, what looks to be an unusually far distance away for a cocktail party (although space and time are unpredictable whenever you decide to throw a party in limbo), Loretta throws a piercing dart at Leroy's overblown, hot air infused, balloon of self indulgence and pomposity; without even getting off the couch no less. Loretta seals a 3-0 shutout and takes the Showdown.
Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 115
Push - 77

Saturday, October 15, 2011

October 15, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 114
Push - 77

Friday, October 14, 2011

October 14, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 113
Push - 77

Thursday, October 13, 2011

October 13, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 113
Push - 76

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

October 12, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 112
Push - 76

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

October 11, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 97
Loretta - 112
Push - 75

Monday, October 10, 2011

October 10, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 96
Loretta - 112
Push - 75

Sunday, October 9, 2011

October 9, 2011: Sunday Showdown!


(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • I have to admit I had to think about Leroy's line for a short while before I got it. It was not because the joke was so subtle and clever but rather because the joke was just plain lousy and barely made sense. Why would the motto "carpe diem" even come up in this situation?Have the Lockhorns always lived by that creed? If so they've certainly not been faithful to the spirit of the phrase, unless their interpretation of seizing the day is inserting as many insults as possible into their waking lives. Leroy obviously just introduced the phrase to make a bad joke about how Loretta serves fish too often ('cause you know "carpe" and "carp" sort of sound-a-like and carp is a fish....so lame). Still a point is a point. Leroy goes up 1-0.
  • The Lockhorns' pastor is either being really sarcastic about obnoxious cellphone use during service or the Lockhorns are part of some bizarre techno-theological radical splinter faction of the Catholic Church that views technology as a means of worshiping and connecting to God. I'm going to go with Occam's razor and assume it's the former scenario, however I am going to save that tech church explanation for a potential cyperpunk novel that re-imagines the Lockhorns in a post-industrial dystopian America where they continue to snipe and argue with each other in an elaborate virtual reality cyberscape. I think I'll call it "10kh0rn5". Push.
  • Anyone here actually believe that Leroy accidentally slipped off his roof on his own with no encouragement by Loretta? I thought so. It's bad enough that the terror stricken Leroy will likely suffer serious bodily harm (if not die) when he falls off the roof, Loretta wants to sadistically video tape the whole event so she can perversely enjoy it over and over again at another time. I hope you've been working on those biceps Leroy. We all know that ladder will not be coming. Loretta comes right back in and ties things up 1-1.
  • It looks like Leroy's constant drunken shenanigans is the issue to be futilely addressed today at the marriage counselor's office. Leroy remains defiant and unrepentant about his wild behavior at cocktail parties. Leroy's drunken assery is such a rich and vital element of his very being that to eliminate or reduce such behavior would be unthinkable. Although he may have suffered through countless comments by Loretta and have lost countless amounts of points in the process; his gin soaked carousing is something that Leroy clearly will not compromise on; and for that he earns the point and the lead 2-1.
  • The humiliation continues for the Lockhorns at airport security checkpoints. To add insult to injury, apparently after thoroughly molesting and hassling the Lockhorns before their flight the TSA officials are now pushing for tips. The Lockhorns need to address this issue with the TSA as I imagine there are probably clear laws against tipping federal employees. Then again, judging by the unhappy face of the official who recently inspected them, strip searching the Lockhorns may not be the most pleasant of tasks; and some extra compensation would only be fair. Push. Leroy pulls off a rare Sunday Showdown win with a 2-1 victory. He'll need more than a few of these if he wants to catch up to Loretta as we head down the final stretch.
Official Count:
Leroy - 96
Loretta - 111
Push - 75

Saturday, October 8, 2011

October 8, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 95
Loretta - 111
Push - 75

Friday, October 7, 2011

October 7, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 95
Loretta - 111
Push - 74

Thursday, October 6, 2011

October 6, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 94
Loretta - 111
Push - 74

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

October 5, 2011


*Author's Note: I would really like to know just how Leroy ended up in actual JAIL! Maybe all those years of flagrant tax evasion finally caught up to him.

Official Count:
Leroy - 94
Loretta - 111
Push - 73

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

October 4, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 94
Loretta - 110
Push - 73

Monday, October 3, 2011

October 3, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 93
Loretta - 110
Push - 73

Sunday, October 2, 2011

October 2, 2011: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • Loretta's comment about Leroy's blogging works under the assumption that people who have blogs have something relevant or intelligent to say; thus she is confused as to why an empty headed dunce like Leroy would be blogging. It is obvious that Loretta has not had much experience reading internet blogs. Any casual perusal of the internet will demonstrate that the bar for an aspiring blogger is extremely low (case in point: this blog). Still I am quite interested as to what kind of blog Leroy is keeping. An anti-marriage Blogger site? A Tumblr showcasing all of Loretta's awful meals? An antiquated Livejournal account where he shares is inner sadness? Loretta gets the point.
  • A pretty simple gesture but still effective. It's good to see Leroy turning the tables on Loretta in a situation, trapped at a department store with Loretta in full shopping mania mode, that usually heavily favors her. As for Loretta, I think the dress is a good look for her (although I guess almost anything that isn't her standard all purpose black frock is a good look for her); however it does cause her ankles to look like they've disappeared entirely. Leroy ties things up 1-1.
  • Judging by the goofy carefree expression on Leroy in the face of Loretta's insult, he has probably gone through more than a few cans of brew before this scene. Since I'm doling out fashion impressions about everyone today, I think Leroy should start wearing hats more often; they'll hide the unsightly pattern baldness and the freakish plateau that is the top of his head. He might as well attach the beer dispensers to the other ones while he's at it. Loretta goes up 2-1.
  • Leroy's observational complaint about the ten items or less express line would sound like something right out of "Evening at the Improv" if this was actually a valid annoyance. Sure I guess it's a little odd that an express line with a cap on items would give you the option of more items on line, but I don't think this has been a problem with anyone since the beginning of supermarkets; pretty sure no one has ever been disqualified from the express line by picking up gum and an US Weekly off the impulse rack. Leroy's indignance is disproportional and misplaced. He should stick to riffing on airport security and the rising cost of gas. Push, Loretta still leads 2-1
  • Some nimble wordplay by Loretta seals another Sunday Showdown victory for Loretta. I actually thought this was a pretty clever line by Loretta. Interestingly, I notice that the expressions on both conversational companions of each respective Lockhorn are essentially the same. So while Leroy's thick-headed, narrow-minded ranting is thoroughly torturing his friend, Loretta's complaints about Leroy's thick-headed, narrow-minded ranting is equally bumming out her friend. I really can't tell which scenario is worse. Loretta takes the day with a dominant 3-1 victory.
Official Count:
Leroy - 93
Loretta - 109
Push - 73

Saturday, October 1, 2011

October 1, 2011


Official Count:
Leroy - 93
Loretta - 108
Push - 73