December 29, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)a

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• It's a solid burn by Leroy, but a part of me feels for poor Loretta. Assuming that the sweater in question was a gift from Loretta, it's a pretty cold blooded move by Helen to use it on her dog. She doesn't even seem to feel the least bit guilty about her actions as she brazenly walks the dog in front of the Lockhorns' residence with a satisfied smile on her face. The whole thing looks pretty deliberate. Leroy gets the point with an assist from Helen. Leroy leads 1-0.
• I always consider going with the "maybe" option for any invitation to be equivalent of dropping a "meh". Sure we try to be courteous and dress it up as the innocuous but ambiguous "maybe" but in my experiences "maybe" runs closer to the "don't care" spectrum than the "don't know". With that said Loretta is still entitled to a score for pointing out Leroy's lack of tact. He may be right but Loretta gets the point and ties things up at 1-1.
• Suddenly when the suggestion of working on his marriage comes up, the usually lazy Leroy becomes diligent about his office work (is he trying to pass off doing a newspaper crossword puzzle as working?). I would also say that going to all those fruitless visits to the marriage counselor qualifies as working on the marriage. While not much can be said about the quality of the work, there is still technically effort being expended. Leroy scores another point and takes a 2-1 lead.
• Leroy is really busting out the serious moves here. Is that even Leroy up there? I could swear that's Robin Thicke. Now that I think about it, Leroy is probably a huge fan of the "Blurred Lines" music video, it's got all his favorite things: beautiful models, guys dancing silly in suits, all up against a blank background. Even though it's Loretta that's commenting here, I feel compelled to give Leroy the point. After all, he's the one grooving with a bimbo and Loretta is the one wallowing in embarrassment. Leroy gets the point and clinches the day with a 3-1 lead.
• What I assume Loretta means is that the rest of the year outside of the NFL season is a pregame show for Leroy. Obviously the part of the season where the games are being played can't be a pregame show. It's not the clearest of zingers from Loretta. It also might have been more topical if she said it during the off-season. Still, Loretta gets the point; although Leroy may feel like the winner in the panel since she's leaving him alone to watch his football game in peace. Leroy takes the final "Sunday Showdown" of 2013 with a 3-2 victory.

Official Count:

Leroy - 119

Loretta - 151

Push - 92

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 14

Loretta - 21

Push - 17

December 22, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• If it is eye trouble, Leroy must be suffering from some severe eye problems. His face is almost touching the gigantic flat screen television. At that point, I don't even think he'll be able to see any better. If it isn't the sudden onset of blindness the other explanation, he's so desperate for female ogling that even the new weather girl on the local news broadcast becomes an event, might be even sadder. There might be a third option, that he is in some sort of catatonic state since all I see is a blank white screen. Whatever the case may be Loretta wastes no time exploiting it to earn a point. Loretta leads 1-0.
• Updating the home thermostat to a fancy modern password protected model seems like an implausibly tech savvy action by Leroy. Though he has been known to have shocking displays of intelligence when it comes to being cheap, especially if it antagonizes Loretta. I wouldn't have expected the cooler home temperature to bother Loretta all that much since we all know her heart pumps frigid ice water instead of blood. It's a push. Loretta still leads 1-0.
• That's how you play the game Leroy. Take a weakness (in this case your rampant alcoholism) and use it as a means to make Loretta angry. I'm surprised that Leroy was even allowed to go to a party without Loretta, maybe he left straight from the office. Usually Leroy comes off as more of an angry drunk than the garrulous sort. I guess it depends on his moods. Though he may end up spending the night on the lawn, Leroy scores himself a point and ties the day up 1-1.
• There's really no joke here. If this were a non-Sunday panel I would have a difficult time breaking down Leroy's statement any further. Still, it goes to the heart of the matter: Leroy hates Loretta's mother. Leroy hates Loretta's mother so much that he is allowing Loretta to drive them to her house in the hopes that they'll be involved in a car accident. He probably doesn't even care about possible injury or even death, both of those scenarios would be preferable to spending time with Loretta's mother. Leroy gets the point and takes a 2-1 lead.
• The world may have beaten Leroy's spirit down to a fine ash, but his belief in Santa Claus still oddly remains intact. I would say that is kind of charming if it wasn't driven entirely by a bitter decades long disappointment from his childhood. Does Leroy do this every year? Go to the mall and harass the Santa on duty? Does he really think that's the official Santa? Hasn't he seen Santas in other malls? Also, the sight of the beady eyed mom and her traumatized kid is priceless. Loretta swoops in for the point and ends the penultimate Sunday Showdown of the year in a 2-2 push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 117

Loretta - 149

Push - 90

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 13

Loretta - 21

Push - 17

December 15, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Man, I would be much more excited about going to the opera if they threw in some t-shirt canons during the intermission. I know it's a cheap way to generate audience support, but I always manage to get a psyched whenever the launchers come out at a sporting event. A fellow t shirt gun loving friend of mine once looked online to see if he could buy one, but as it turned out they are crazy expensive. I salute you Leroy for dreaming big. Unfortunately I also have to give Loretta the point for pointing out your ridiculous suggestion. Loretta leads 1-0.
• This is a rare reversal for the Lockhorns. I cannot remember the last time Leroy was visiting Loretta in the hospital. We all know Leroy's general clumsiness, dangerously inept home improvement skills, and propensity to get into fights with everyone make him a frequent visitor to the ER; but what could have landed Loretta in the hospital? I'm going to assume her head injury was due to a particularly severe car accident, no doubt caused by her. Despite her retrograde amnesia she still manages to vaguely recall and diss Leroy; quite impressive. Loretta scores another point and surges to a 2-0 lead.
• There are few less welcoming places than the Lockhorns home. They make North Korea look like Disneyland (hmm...sounds like the kind of one liner Loretta would drop). Leroy should focus on simple jabs like these to improve his standings. Sometimes I think he might be over thinking his insults (and with Leroy it doesn't take much to over think...zing, number two!). Objects of ridicule are everywhere, he just needs to be observant. Leroy earns a point and trails Loretta 2-1.
• It shouldn't be all that difficult for Loretta to determine which presents are from Leroy since they are the only ones giving presents to each other. Who else would bother sending the Lockhorns are gift that isn't a flaming bag of dog poo? In a way there's a sort of romantic quality to how the Lockhorns only have each other to get presents from. In Leroy's defense, those shopping bags at least have some degree of festive colored flair. It's not like he just shoved everything in one huge plastic bag. Though Loretta would get a point here, Leroy's absence means I can only rule this a push. Still, Loretta leads 2-1 as we head into the final panel.
• Look at Leroy, being shockingly topical. I actually found his drone joke to be pretty clever. It is the sort of pun that is way out of character for him. I do wonder if we were on the other side of the room would we hear nothing but animated insults about Leroy coming from Loretta. Is it just a fortunate twist of perspective that turns a point for Loretta into a point for Leroy and vice-versa? There is an undeniable element of luck when it comes to "Lockhorn vs. Lockhorn", here it shined on Leroy. Leroy gets a point and ties the day at 2-2.

Official Count:

Leroy - 114

Loretta - 147

Push - 88

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 13

Loretta - 21

Push - 16

December 8, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Every once in a while Leroy will push the antagonism envelope just a bit too far and end up with a shiner for his efforts. I bet if he really tried, he could even get the Pope to sock him in the face. I am impressed by whatever obnoxious behavior Leroy engaged in at the theater to drive a performer to assault an audience member. This is like the ballet equivalent to the "Malice in the Palace". Also, props to the angry ballerina; the Lockhorns usually sit way up in the balcony seats. If she actually managed to ding Leroy all the way up there, that is some serious accuracy. Loretta gets the point and takes a 1-0 lead.
• I initially thought Leroy was just wishing out loud about his morning cereal, but then I caught Loretta's unhappy expression and got that it was Loretta's usual bad cooking. The green colored pieces should have been an immediate clue. While there obviously isn't a literal prize at the bottom of the bowl, maybe the prize Leroy is looking for is the sweet release of death from severe food poisoning. Leroy scores a point and ties the game up 1-1.
• Jokes about the ubiquity of Starbucks, that's about as fresh and timely as Loretta's giant flip cell phone (which I find  a bit baffling since she has shown before that she owns a modern smartphone). If I put in the research perhaps I could narrow down the Starbucks heavy Long Island location the Lockhorns are in. Loretta will be waiting out in the cold for a long time if she think Leroy is going to follow her demand to meet up with her. It's a push, the day is still knotted 1-1.
• The rise of social media along with smartphones and tablets must have made Leroy's Loretta ignoring efforts so much more easier. It must be a total godsend for him. Unfortunately this increase ease in shutting out Loretta via digital distractions has not translated overall into more victories for Leroy. For Leroy (and many businesses today) proper utilization of social media is critical for success. Leroy's tech savvy shunning scores him a point and gives him a 2-1 lead.
• Though she does all the time to some degree, here Loretta's mother looks especially like a member of the first Continental Congress from her powdered wig-like hair down to her 18th century leggings and shoes. Maybe she works part time as a historical reenactor? That would explain a lot. In an uncommon display of clutch play, Leroy manages to seal the deal by insulting Loretta and addressing Loretta's mother's hatred of him. Leroy gets the point and takes the day 3-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 113

Loretta - 145

Push - 84

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 13

Loretta - 21

Push - 15

December 1, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Judging by the simmering rage on Loretta's face, it looks like Leroy's status will not change anytime soon. Since there's no actual "in the doghouse" option (to the best of my knowledge, but who knows, they're always changing things up) I'm going to assume he set it to "it's complicated". Oh how Leroy must yearn to one day to change his status to "not in a relationship" or possibly have his account deactivated all together because he is deceased. While sweet freedom from Loretta remains an impossible fantasy, he can at least enjoy the point he's earned and the early 1-0 lead.
• This panel feels like a natural continuation of the previous one, though now it's time for Loretta to get in her complaints. There are many things that are wrong with the Lockhorns' marriage (in fact, just about everything is wrong with their marriage) but I didn't expect Loretta's over qualification to be one of the issues. Objectively the Lockhorns are perfectly made to hate each other; it's a truly perverse bond. Though if we're going by "Lockhorn vs. Lockhorn" victories than Loretta is in another league. Loretta gets the point and ties the game up 1-1.
• I don't know about you but when I read this, I tried to think of potential songs with lyrics that could double as GPS instructions (the beginning of "Irreplaceable" by Beyoncé? "Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews Band?). Whatever instructions she took, it certainly looks like Loretta has doled out a lot of damage. I can't tell if she's holding her purse or a mangled steering wheel, both are plausible. Unfortunately for Leroy, he is just too horrified by Loretta's actions that he can't even make an easy insult. It's a push. The score remains 1-1.
• Despite often being able to feature the names of various Long Island businesses, it seems that the local Hooters (most likely the one in Farmingdale) has declined the Lockhorn spotlight, necessitating the parody location. They should have gone to Canz in Westbury. Leroy should employ this tactic more often, seek out the nearest brestaurant to hunker down in while Loretta does her shopping. It sure beats holding her purse near the changing rooms. Leroy gets the point and takes a 2-1 lead.
• Leroy knows that no matter how outrageous his indiscretions are, no matter how poorly he fails as a husband or even civilized adult, he can automatically quell Loretta's anger at him with a trip to the mall. It's easy and effective, but one has to wonder if the cost is worth it. Today, his apology purchase of a new outfit not only cost him money but also a Sunday Showdown victory. If Leroy ever wants to win a year, he'll have to be tougher. Loretta gets the point and ends the day on a 2-2 push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 110

Loretta - 144

Push - 81

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 12

Loretta - 21

Push - 15

November 24, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Victories don't get much more thorough than this. There's enough going on here to award her three points. First you have Loretta getting her way by holding Leroy up to apply her lipstick. Second, she manages to do this using the reflection off of Leroy's chrome dome, thus throwing in a quality baldness joke. Finally, it is Leroy who is the one apologizing despite all the indignities. Save some for the rest of the showdown, Loretta. There's no need to run up the score! Loretta overwhelmingly takes the first point and leads 1-0.
• It is hard to imagine Leroy having any other girlfriends before Loretta. It's hard to imagine any member of the female sex being attracted to him. There is the possibility that it's a made up name; all part of the elaborate fantasy life Leroy escapes to where he's married to Darlene, happy, and had a full head of hair. He should have stuck to the safer password question standbys like: first car and first pet. Loretta continues to roll and takes a 2-0 lead.
• Why does Leroy look so unhappy here? Isn't this good news for him? Loretta is opting not to cook and they're going out to get an actual, edible meal. Maybe Loretta picked a really expensive, extra fancy location, and Leroy has to drag himself up and dress up; but even then it's still food that won't make him violently ill. Isn't that the ultimate goal? I have to give the point to Loretta here, which means that she has already clinched victory by going up 3-0. The only question left now is can she pull off the full sweep?
• I think most of us have turned to alternative pork therapy at one time or another. They say it's actually good or you now. Or did it just get reversed again? It most certainly isn't Loretta's bacon that Leroy's been self-medicating with, then this scene would be in the emergency room. I think Loretta's just bitter at Leroy enjoying food elsewhere (which makes the previous panel all the more incongruous). Dr. Blog as always is indifferent to everything. Loretta scores another point and takes a rare 4-0 lead heading into the final panel.
• Alas, another perfect game dies in the last panel. Salvaging a small shred of his dignity Leroy manages to pull out an insult about Loretta's poor piano playing skills (at least she's not singing as well). This is the first panel since the initial panel where he even got a word off (and in that initial panel he's just apologizing to Loretta); that is a testament to how dominant Loretta's day has been. Loretta friend doesn't seem to mind her playing, though we cannot rule out the possibility that she is deaf. Leroy manages a point but Loretta takes the day in dominant fashion 4-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 107

Loretta - 142

Push - 79

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 12

Loretta - 21

Push - 14

November 17, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Compliments don't get any more backhanded than Loretta's praise about the Lockhorns' choice seating. Maybe I'm just low class but I never put much stock in table placement. So what if they're close to the kitchen or towards the bathroom, it's not like the table itself is deficient or you're getting any less food. Is Leroy even to blame for the location of the table? I suppose if he got a reservation earlier there would have been more options. Loretta should be glad that cheapskate Leroy didn't just take her to a White Castle. Loretta gets the point and takes an early 1-0 lead.
• Everything about the Lockhorns is old stuff. They're walking antiques themselves. I bet the Lockhorns could make a bundle if they took stock of and sold all the perfectly preserved, vintage early 60's era items that make up their entire home. They probably even live in one of those historic original Levittown homes. Now that I think about it, antique shopping for the Lockhorns would be like going to Ikea. Though it's Loretta that's smiling in the scene, I'm going to give Leroy the benefit of his whine and award him a point for his complaining. The score is tied 1-1.
• It seems that even tech support operators with their rigid scripts and "customer is always right" attitudes cannot hold back their disdain at the Lockhorns, monitored calls for training purposes be damned. Knowing Leroy's dimwitted nature and his lack of tech savvy, whatever issue he may be having with the computer is probably so trivial, like it's not plugged in, as to deserve ridicule. At least the ridicule isn't coming from Loretta so he can escape with a push and maintain the 1-1 score.
• I had to do some squinting to read Loretta's shirt (it was way more time than I would have liked staring at Loretta's chest), it says "I'm With Misinformed". As Pullman says, this is a small degree of progress for Leroy. It all still comes from a place of hate but at least it's more nuanced. I actually kind of want one of those shirts now. Loretta manages to pull off a rare wordless point here, just speaking through her fashion statement. Loretta leads 2-1.
• Loretta masterfully takes Leroy's crack about her tight fitting dress, takes ownership of it, and throws it right back at him to secure the win. It is somewhat baffling though that a rampant shopper like Loretta would have a dress that's 20 days old, let alone 20 years. Maybe she just really likes the way it fits? I do have to say, she does look good here; and by good I mean slightly more like a human being. There is something there to indicate a figure and not a some cartoonish box body. Loretta scores the point and wins the day 3-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 105

Loretta - 139

Push - 77

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 12

Loretta - 20

Push - 14

November 10, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• I had to reread Leroy's comment a few times to get his point. I'm assuming that Loretta was a relentlessly nagging backseat driver for the entire trip. For Loretta to be constantly on Leroy's case about his driving quality shows that her hypocrisy knows absolutely no bounds. I cannot imagine the sort of horrors an extended road trip with the Lockhorns would hold. Leroy certainly looks to have aged a decade as he exits the car. Still, his comment does earn him a point for his trauma. Leroy leads 1-0.
• Loretta always maintains a kind of Zen-like attitude about her arguments with Leroy. She has a sense of the natural inevitability of the whole thing and never lets it really get to her. This is the opposite for Leroy who is almost always the one losing his cool and stomping around in the background. I like to imagine that Leroy just stomps back and forth in a mad, futile routine while Loretta easily gets her points. The score is tied 1-1.
• "The Lockhorns" never seem to have any trouble getting the rights to depict TV shows, movies, and especially local businesses. That's why I find it odd that Leroy has to carry a case of "Koor's" beer (frost brewed in the Appalachian mountains?). Perhaps the silver bullet people really did not want their brew associated with the Lockhorns. I also want to note that there is no storm at all in the forecast for the tri-state area; so this is an obvious deception by Leroy to stock up on beer. I'm surprised Loretta didn't figure this out sooner. Leroy's rampant alcoholism earns him a point and a 2-1 lead.
• Leroy's statement really sums up the Lockhorns entire meaningless existence. They are forever trapped in this cycle of repeated arguments and fights, insults and humiliations; a private hell for two with no escape. Just look how weary Leroy looks as he delivers his grim observation. In a fair world, this would be the last final Lockhorns panel. Unfortunately for the Lockhorns, such relief is an impossible dream. Leroy scores the point and clinches the Sunday victory 3-1.
• Going by the scene in this panel I would have guessed that Leroy was asking people to pull his finger. Knock-knock jokes do fit his character though. The poor bald guy he's talking to seems utterly horrified at whatever punchline Leroy's just arrived at. Knowing Leroy, his knock-knock joke probably had an embarrassingly dirty payoff. Despite Loretta's whispering tone, I am going to assume Leroy overheard her, or at least saw her commenting. Loretta gets the point but still loses the day 3-2.

Official Count:

Leroy - 103

Loretta - 135

Push - 76

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 12

Loretta - 19

Push - 14

November 3, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• To no one's surprise, Leroy did not care for the dialog heavy French language art house film. Leroy probably would have preferred even going to the opera, at least he wouldn't have had to read there. While Loretta, undoubtedly dragged Leroy to the movie to watch him suffer and then belittle his lack of sophistication, Leroy cuts her off by being the first to complain. In Leroy's defense I also think a film with as generic a translated title as "Life and Love" wouldn't be all that entertaining. Leroy wins the point and leads 1-0.
• Of course the only time Loretta would ever consider showing some restraint on her spending is if it involved mocking Leroy about his modest earnings; although Leroy's small paycheck has never stopped Loretta from her shopping binges before. It think Loretta's just making a snappy burn to a suggestion by Leroy to stop spending beyond their means. Somebody get this man some aloe vera. Loretta earns a point and ties the day up 1-1.
• I would think a lazy man like Leroy would be the one dismissing a proposed camping trip. Though I guess he enjoys his fishing (generally one of the lazier leisure time activities). Of all the potential hardships of roughing it in nature, Loretta picks, what I think, one of the lesser inconveniences to complain about. If she really wants to shoot down camping she could mention bears, mosquitoes, lack of internet, and proper toilets among others more severe inconveniences. Still, Loretta scores the point on Leroy and surges to a 2-1 lead.
• Leroy seems to be having a rather one sided conversation with Daddy Warbucks from "Annie". In contrast to the fat cat industrialist, Leroy looks extra shabby. You'd think Leroy would try to clean himself up a little before having a conversation with the guy. Loretta continues a fine streak of solid put downs of Leroy; the addition of the family friend gives her insults an extra viciousness. After dropping the first panel, Loretta gets another point and rides three straight winning panels to clinch the day. Loretta leads 3-1.
• To Leroy's credit, he refuses to just phone it in after Loretta's clincher and manages to earn an ultimately irrelevant point to preserve some pride. Leroy's lazy Sunday sports viewing set up works together in perfect synergy to irritate and annoy Loretta. You better believe Leroy's got some sweatpants on (or even no pants for that matter). On an unrelated note, that punter on TV looks like a linebacker; the Whatever City Whites look to be a physical team. Leroy gets himself a point, but in the end Loretta takes the day 3-2.

Official Count:

Leroy - 102

Loretta - 131

Push - 74

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 11

Loretta - 19

Push - 14

October 27, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• The arraignment of the room in this panel is a bit confusing to me. One would assume that Loretta would set up her vanity table up against a wall, but Leroy seems to be standing behind the table, indicating that may have set it up in the middle of the room. Of course the bigger issue here is their room is just a single colored void. Speaking of colors, Leroy puts down a fine burn about Loretta's frequent dye jobs. Leroy has to recognize how choice a target Loretta's vanity is. Leroy gets the point and takes a 1-0 lead.
• While Loretta might be down on the entertainment value of the Lockhorns, as fans we all know how much joy it is to catch these daily glimpses into their miserable, loveless existence. I'm sure the NSA or whatever other intelligence arm of the government is enjoying their hi jinks just as well. I'm sure it's a welcome change from all those other boring functioning married couples with their lack of fighting. It's a push. Leroy still leads 1-0.
• If you stop and think about it, Leroy has the perfect body for a clown. All the proportions are ideal from the over sized feet, to the roly poly mid section, to the bulbous nose, and warp around hair. On top of all that, there's his natural buffoonish behavior and cartoonish mannerisms. It's the role he was totally born to play. It'd probably garner more respect than his current job. I'm going to rule this a push. Leroy continues to lead 1-0.
• It's no surprise the Lockhorns would be into "Mad Men", they are practically stuck in the same era as the show. The whole show must feel so comforting and familiar to the Lockhorns who are always being antagonized by modern society. I wonder if anyone on the show was ever seen reading a vintage 60's edition of "The Lockhorns"? Also say what you want about Leroy, he may be a poor husband but at least he doesn't cheat on Loretta; so he's got that going to for him. Still, Loretta gets the insult in and earns the point. The score is tied 1-1. 
• I don't know about you but it looks more like the carny is shooting out a massive stream of projectile vomit as opposed to breathing fire. Leroy's comment about Loretta's chili could also apply if this were the case. Knowing Loretta's infamous culinary abilities (or lack there of) a spoonful of her leftover chili could lead to any number of matter coming out of the unfortunate taster. Leroy gets the point and pulls off a rare final panel victory to take the Sunday 2-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 100

Loretta - 127

Push - 73

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 11

Loretta - 18

Push - 14

October 20, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Does Anthony Bourdain have a reputation for eating exotic foods? I never actually saw any of his shows. Sticking with the basic cable crowd Leroy could have also referenced Bear Grylls. Regardless, we all get the point, Loretta's cooking is straight up disgusting. Her specialty seems to be dull green piles of ambiguous matter. Even if I wanted to replicate her dishes, I wouldn't know where to begin. So I guess that's some kind of skill, right? Leroy wins the point and leads 1-0.
• Sports super fan Leroy once again comes out to watch sports on TV dressed in a baffling collection of random gear. He looks to be wearing a baseball cap with a football jersey (possibly the Miami Dolphins?) and is holding a purple foam finger supporting who knows what. To add to the confusion, he has decided to wear dress shoes and socks for maximum stay at home comfort. It would be sort of hilarious if Leroy was actually dressed like this for church and was setting the DVR before leaving. Loretta scores a point and the day is tied 1-1.
• I have to believe that Leroy is in jail for some actual legitimate crime. My money's on public drunkenness or possibly disorderly conduct (it could even be both). In Leroy's defense, he seems to be rocking (at least on the bottom half) Robin Thicke's famous stripped suit from this year's MTV VMAs; a bold and contemporary fashion choice. This visit by Loretta may not be her first or her last. If the wall markings are accurate, Leroy has been left in jail for 13 days. At least he gets 3 square meals a day. Loretta takes the point and a 2-1 lead.
• Oh look the Lockhorns are having an old fashioned argument with a modern twist! That's always good for a laugh! Though the Lockhorns have been trying their best to keep up with contemporary advances like cellphones and the internet, Loretta's confusion over streaming video show that it is still a work in progress. The one potential scenario where Loretta doesn't sound foolish would be if she left a streaming movie running on her phone at home and she was in danger of going over their data plan. I guess that's a possibility? Leroy gets the point and ties everything up 2-2 going into the final panel.
• As she has done time and time again, Loretta manages to come through in the last panel to claim another Sunday victory. This time Loretta strikes at one of the Lockhorns' near daily cocktail parties, calling out Leroy's age and spotty memory. I feel like age based insults are odd since the Lockhorns are of similar ages, so one doesn't have that much of an upper hand over the other. Here, I suppose the dig could be directed more towards Leroy's failing memory. She could have also just straight up called him a liar too. Loretta earns the point and a 3-2 Sunday Showdown victory.

Official Count:

Leroy - 98

Loretta - 125

Push - 70

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 18

Push - 14

October 13, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Even perpetually dated Leroy seems to be down with the HBO hit series "Game of Thrones", though historically the Lockhorns seemed relatively up to date when it comes to television (I can see them being big CBS viewers). I would be interested to see any of these alleged relatives of Loretta. All we've ever seen is her ancient mother. I am morbidly curious to see what kind of bitter fruit hangs from the old family tree. I don't even know what her maiden name is. For calling out Leroy's lack of knowledge (or really interest) Loretta gets the point and takes a 1-0 lead.
• This would have been a sick burn on Loretta if she happened to be around, maybe just browsing within a earshot of Leroy. Unfortunately there is no point to be given out for solo efforts. I can only assume that Leroy was being punished or coerced into buying Loretta clothing in the first place. There is no chance he would have done it out of affection. His plan may have been to get her the wrong size and hope that she accompanied him to the store (we all know Loretta can't avoid shopping) so he could publicly insult her. A good effort, but it fell just short. It's a push. Loretta leads 1-0.
• It's always entertaining watching Leroy demonstrate how absurdly out of shape he is. Just when you thought you saw his most ridiculous display of Mr. Burns-esque frailty, Leroy seems to come up with an even feebler effort. Today, the simple act of putting on his workout sneakers has brought him to the brink of exhaustion. Perhaps he was trying to put them on while standing up? Loretta, always sensitive to whenever Leroy looks like a buffoon, swoops right in and earns the point with her commentary. Loretta extends her lead to 2-0.
• Leroy's question shows a real understanding as to why the Lockhorns should be divorced; which brings me back to my main issue with the Lockhorns: why don't they get divorced? Leroy always argues against starting marriages but I hope he is aware that one can terminate a married; you're not forever linked against your will. Maybe he has some deep religious or moral convictions that keep him trapped? It never really made much sense. Leroy finally gets himself a point. Loretta still leads 2-1.
• I don't know if I've ever seen a caption-less Lockhorn panel before! It's a frightening and exciting new development. The shelf bleeding out of the panel borders is a novel touch as well. All in all, it's possibly the most avant-garde panel I've ever come across. As for the panel's substance Leroy manages to pull off a clever ruse on Loretta (at least temporarily) with the classic unconnected headphone trick; though he could have also tuned out Loretta by listening to something. I guess Leroy prefers silence overall. Leroy scores a point and rallies himself back to force a 2-2 push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 96

Loretta - 123

Push - 67

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 17

Push - 14

October 6, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• First off, what is up with Loretta's friend's left hand? That's a bit freaky. Unfortunately for Loretta, Leroy's physical absence in the this scene is the only thing preventing her from earning a point for this text book insult. This is vintage Loretta, complete with her trademark pause followed by a punchline. She also shows off her unpredictability by mocking Leroy's cheapness when the usual inclination here would be to go for a fat joke. It's a shame that a solid performance like this is wasted. It's a push, the score is 0-0.
• Do you wonder if part of the reason the Lockhorns are so cranky is they never seem to get a good night's sleep? You could almost count this as a double burn by Loretta. Sure she's insulting Leroy about his excessive snoring, but the reference to the leaky faucet could also be construed as a knock on his ever dubious home repair skills. Maybe one day I'll dole out a two pointer for a truly exceptional effort, but for now though it's still one point per scene. Loretta gets the point and takes a 1-0 lead.
• Perhaps there is a method to Leroy's fashion madness. If Leroy is to be believed here, Leroy's frequent wild outfits are not just the symptoms of a terminally fashion backward individual but a calculated effort to antagonize Loretta via wardrobe. If that is the case, Leroy should consider adjusting his strategy, often his plan backfires with Loretta scoring an easy burn on him. No presence of Loretta means this is a push. Loretta still leads 1-0.
• I admit I had to take a second to wrap my head around Leroy's " déjà vu amnesia" diagnosis. I find it oddly interesting, the feeling that you've forgotten something before (but then if you forgot it then how do you remember you forgot it...I dunno, best not to think too deeply about it). Leroy can get quite creative with his bullshit excuses. Though he may get a full bag of trash dumped on top of him, for now Leroy still earns himself a point. The day is tied at 1-1.
• The term "second childhood" turned out to be a real expression. Apparently it's the time when an old person, whose mind is starting to fail, begins to behave like a child again; what a terrible thing to joke about. I thought the phrase had something to do with being in a midlife crisis. Maybe this kind of dark gallows humor is how the Lockhorns cope with their advancing years and fears of senility. Couldn't she have just called him a clown or something? Loretta comes through in the final panel and comes away with a close 2-1 victory.

Official Count:

Leroy - 93

Loretta - 120

Push - 66

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 17

Push - 13

September 29, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• For a household that's always teetering on the verge of complete financial ruin, the Lockhorns sure get some expensive looking seats to the opera. I guess excessive spending like this by Loretta is one of the reasons the Lockhorns are on the verge of complete financial ruin. Of course, Leroy just wants to go home and watch football. As bored and as broke as he may be right now, Leroy can still salvage a point with just his complaining. Leroy takes a 1-0 lead.
• I thought about giving Loretta the points here, but it's really more of commentary on all the negative news going on in the world. Loretta is actually being helpful to Leroy in this panel since the obituaries really would be a dependable source of sunshine for him. He can read over all the noted deaths and daydream about one day escaping the relentless hell that is his life and leaving Loretta a penniless widow. A man can dream. It's a push as Leroy still hold the 1-0 advantage.
• The placement of this panel and the previous panel gives a sense of continuity between the two. Leroy's just lounging on this sofa chair, enjoying the Sunday obituaries when news of Loretta's mom's planned arrival thoroughly demolishes him and leaves him a despondent weeping mess. Careful observation of Loretta's outfit indicates however that there was a clothing change between the two panels. Loretta scores a point and ties the day 1-1.
• Usually Loretta is the one who comes away with a point whenever Leroy gets lost while driving. Leroy however manages to come out on top here with a sort of preemptive response to Loretta's usual badgering. Sometimes taking ownership of your vulnerabilities can lead you to a victory. I cannot begin to imagine the nuclear levels of bitterness and animosity that exists within the car right now. Still, Leroy earns the point and retakes the lead 2-1.
• As a long time Jeopardy fan, a question that would require the contestant to respond with all all seven deadly sins seems incongruous to the show. The interesting thing I find about this panel is that Loretta nails Leroy with an insult in reference to Jeopardy that isn't about his lack of intellect. In fact Loretta praises Leroy as knowledgeable in a particular field. She flips the usual set up and still scores a point. Constant innovation, it's just another reason why Loretta has been so successful so far. The final point by Loretta ties the showdown up at 2-2 and ends the day on a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 89

Loretta - 117

Push - 66

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 16

Push - 13

September 22, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• I was quite amused by the ridiculous reaction garnered by Loretta from the shoe store staff. The low bow from the one salesman would have been enough but the "we're not worthy" worshiping by the other two employees really put it over the top. I wonder if this is the reaction Loretta gets in all her favorite stores. As for this current store they should find a more creative name. They seem to just be called "Women's Shoes". Perhaps with a bit more flash, they wouldn't be so dependent on Loretta's generous business. Seeing as how Loretta is going to spend Leroy into oblivion, she deserves the point. Loretta leads 1-0.
• Why the Lockhorns decided to reference New York City mayor Mike Bloomberg, I'm not sure. Nearly all the Lockhorns panels occur at their home or some random location in Long Island. I must assume that this "Arthur's" is in New York City or else Mayor Bloomberg wouldn't have any jurisdiction in the matter. I guess Loretta's is playing off of the Mayor's reputation for attempting to turn New York City into a sort of nanny state when it comes to public wellness issues. There were so many other better ways Loretta could have gone in mocking Leroy's excessive alcohol consumption. In the end though it still counts as a point. Loretta leads 2-0.
• Leroy gets down to basics in today's center panel. This is the response he should be using every time Loretta makes a big stink about his laziness. It's short, simple, and directly cuts to the heart of the matter. Additionally it seems to really get Loretta angry. Leroy should keep one of his eyes trained towards Loretta just in case she throws something at him or comes at him with a blunt object. For the moment though Leroy has thoroughly earned his point. Loretta still leads 2-1.
• There isn't much of a reason for Loretta to pay the extra fee to disable the wifi. Sure it may spitefully prevent Leroy from enjoying the use of his gigantic tablet computer but that also might force the Lockhorns to talk to each other. Additionally Loretta is a big user of the internet as well. The rewards are hardly worth the sacrifices. Also, doesn't their luggage look unusually small? What could they be carrying? It's a push, Loretta still leads 2-1.
• It's a shame we can't get a better look at the photo of Leroy's family, it would be fascinating to see what Leroy's parents or his other relatives look like. If Loretta's assessment is accurate I imagine a whole clan of dumpy balding, badly dressed, idiots. I hope that one of these days the Lockhorns will take a trip out to a Lockhorn family reunion. The same goes for Loretta's side of the family, we haven't seen anyone outside of her witch-like mother. Since Leroy is absent I have to rule this panel a push, which means Loretta edges out Leroy to win the day 2-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 87

Loretta - 115

Push - 63

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 16

Push - 12

September 15, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• I don't know why but Loretta's insult here amused me far more than it should have. It's not all that clever and it really doesn't have anything to do with the scene they're in, but something about the randomness of it won me over. Given the location, one would assume that Loretta would make some sort of jab about Leroy's lack of sophistication; but she went right to the fat joke. I can't blame Loretta, Leroy is looking mighty flabby in this scene. Loretta scores the first point and leads 1-0.
• Wow, I certainly did not expect the Lockhorns to have any idea what bitcoins were let alone complain about their personal bitcoin finances. I consider myself a fairly tech savvy individual and I only have a vague idea how they work. The Lockhorns may be on some personal mission to become heavily in debt in every type of currency available. Lockhorn debt has now entered the 21st century. It's a push. Loretta still leads 1-0.
• This isn't an altogether ridiculous claim by Leroy. It is somewhat absurd how large and varied the bottled water market has become. One generation ago, the idea of charging for bottled water was itself viewed as crazy. Perhaps if you look back in the archives you might find an old Lockhorns panel from the mid 70s where Leroy comments about how nuts it is that water is getting bottled like beer. Leroy's compliant about varieties of water would appear to be a moot point since he only drinks beer anyway. It's a cranky push as Loretta continues to lead 1-0.
• It's now firmly established that the Lockhorns are fans of the "The Walking Dead", although this "Walking Dead" may not be the popular AMC series. Judging by the low rent title screen the Lockhorns may be watching some knock off show, perhaps on local public access channel. Leroy's line about women's brains comes off as extra sexist even by Leroy standards. I prefer when he just implied that Loretta looked like a zombie. Still, the insult gets the job done as Leroy nabs a point and ties the day up at 1-1.
• To Leroy's credit, I imagine a lemon pie by Loretta would likely smell like lemon scented furniture polish (and that's a best case scenario). I also can't rule out the possibility that Loretta is actually cooking a bottle of furniture polish in the oven for dinner. Perhaps Leroy would welcome the sweet release from the pain of his life that would accompany a dinner of furniture polish. He wouldn't be the first depressed Long Island individual to attempt death by Pledge. Loretta earns the point and edges out a tight 2-1 victory.

Official Count:

Leroy - 86

Loretta - 111

Push - 61

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 15

Push - 12

September 8, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Leave it to Leroy to find the most inappropriate charity car wash on Long Island and then force Loretta to endure multiple washes in a day. This is the equivalent of Loretta dragging Leroy to all those ballets and operas. This is the most risque panel Lockhorn panel I can recall. The young sorority sister working the hood is particularly aggressive. It reminds me of "Put 'Em On The Glass", Sir Mix-A-Lot's less successful follow up to "Baby Got Back". Leroy gets the first point of the day and takes a 1-0 lead.
• Perhaps Leroy is looking out at his neighbor's home and wondering what it's like to live in an actual home filled with personal items and furniture rather than a single chair in an empty purple void. Those familiar with Leroy's life knows he has much to be envious of others about. As Leroy sits and ponders his empty home and empty life, leave it to good old Loretta to come along and push the harsh reality of yard work on him. Loretta scores the point and ties things up 1-1.
• I wonder if in the long run, using a bulk supply of paper plates is cheaper than a new dishwasher plus cost of utilities. It's certainly not the eco-friendly option. Also since when did Loretta ever need permission from Leroy to make a major purchase? She spends enough to buy multiple dishwashers during one of her routine shopping sprees at the mall. Even if Leroy were in the room, I don't know if I would have given the points to Loretta. It seems like Leroy's "paper plates" comments were more of an assured diss on Loretta. With his absence though it's a moot point. The panel is a push and the score is still 1-1.
• Look at how uniformly miserable everyone at the table are; it's like everyone is at a wake for a loved one. I am amused at how oblivious Loretta is to the crowd reaction. Perhaps Leroy's will timed barb will help her face sober reality. Going by the familiar square painting on the wall, this may be the Lockhorns' home which means that Loretta probably cooked dinner. If I were one the guests I would be more concerned about potential food poisoning. Leroy scores a point and leads Loretta 2-1.
• The ever insecure Leroy is challenged once again by Loretta at the old fishing hole. Knowing Leroy and his stubbornness he will likely continue to fish at that spot until he finally catches a fish bigger than Loretta or dies due to exposure. Over the years it has been shown that Loretta is often superior to Leroy in most sports. It seems driving may be Leroy's only skill he has over Loretta. Here, Loretta uses her sporting edge to earn herself a point in the final panel to force the Sunday into a 2-2 push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 83

Loretta - 108

Push - 60

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 14

Push - 12 

September 1, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Loretta is probably joking about the eccentric on the street being Leroy's financial adviser, but then again in the world of "The Lockhorns" almost any insane scenario is possible. The street prophet would make a terrible financial adviser on two levels. On one level, his prediction of financial Armageddon is too overly negative to be useful advice and on another level he looks like he just escaped from a mental institution. If he was flawed in only one of these levels he would be just a poor adviser; his combination of both insanity and extreme pessimism just makes him the absolute worst. Loretta gets the point and leads 1-0.
• Leroy should look a lot happier that Loretta turned the tables on a telemarketer, if there's anything the Lockhorns are in agreement on is their mutual dislike of phone solicitors. Maybe he is disappointed because he might have to meet the insurance salesman in person at the church picnic. Now that I think about it, this might be a shrewd move by the salesman, a church picnic would appear to be a great opportunity for face to face sales. I would have to call this a push. Loretta still leads 1-0.
• Nepotism is an awfully big word for Leroy to know, but hey it looks like he surprised us all for a point. These sort of victories must be the sweetest for Leroy. It's nothing but wins all around. He get to be lazy, Loretta does all the work, and he earns himself a point. While insults are the dinner table may be his most frequent source of points, it's often a sort of Pyrrhic victory since he usually has to eat the disgusting food he is mocking. A sweet point for Leroy and the day is tied 1-1.
• As it turns out Loretta's sexist stereotype of a woman being fiercely defensive about her real age won out against her sexist stereotype of a woman being helpless against a mugger. I have doubts about just how experienced this thief was at his trade, considering he is dressed like the Hamburgler. Apparently he learned how to be a thief from old time cartoons and comic strips. The poor guy doesn't even have a pair of shoes to wear. I'm tempted to give Leroy the point here for pointing out Loretta's age insecurities but then again Loretta comes off as a real bad ass here, so let's compromise with a push. The score remains tied 1-1 going into the final panel.
• This is the kind of wordplay I would expect from Loretta. It's always a pleasant surprise when Leroy pulls of an unexpected insult. If Leroy already expected his marriage to Loretta to be miserable then why did he get married in the first place? I can believe that things may have turned sour shortly after their nuptials but it makes little sense whenever the Lockhorns joke about being unhappy since they first met. Did they not have a choice in the matter? Was it some kind of arranged marriage? I guess I'll just have to wait until a "Lockhorns: The Early Years" spinoff is introduced. Leroy earns the point and pulls out the 2-1 Sunday victory.

Official Count:

Leroy - 82

Loretta - 105

Push - 57

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 14

Push - 11  

August 25, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• I find this to be a totally legitimate complaint by Leroy. Maybe more modern cars have them visible all the time but I'm assuming most cars with digital displays won't show the odometer number until it is turned on. I suppose the owner should have written the total mileage out on this "For Sale" sign. These must be constant frustrations for Leroy during his never ending quest to find replacement cars after Loretta totals another automobile. It's a humorless but realistic push. The score remains 0-0.
• Oh the classic gender specific toilet seat placements joke, it's probably as old as the toilet itself. This is really the exact kind of humor that most captures the Lockhorns as a whole. I'm surprised they don't do it even more often. As for the panel, I considered giving Loretta the credit here but it's Leroy that looks to be in the victor's position. He is unrepentant about keeping the toilet seat up as he lazily lies back on his recliner. The compromise solution to all this would be a recliner with a built in toilet, then Leroy could be lazy and there'd be no lid issues. Leroy gets the point and leads 1-0.
• Why are the Lockhorns so frequently calling customer service lines? Is it an issue with one company or with many companies? As residents of Nassau county there are plenty of service and utility providers that could be the culprits. Given all the car accidents by Loretta I'm sure they're always in contact with their auto insurance provider. I'm going to go with the cable company; always one of the worst offenders. Once again this is a relatable pet peeve but ultimately a pointless push. Leroy continues to lead 1-0.
• The obvious joke is that Leroy hates being married to Loretta, but why would that translate into referring to your wife in air quotes? It's not like he doesn't believe the marriage is legitimate; the legitimacy of his marriage is what's causing him to be so unhappy. I suppose "wife" could have broader implications of affection and dedication, so maybe he just wants to make it clear that Loretta is his "wife" in strictly the legal sense. Loretta gets a point for calling out Leroy. The score is tied 1-1.
• What could the Lockhorns be doing to keep getting kicked out of Olive Gardens? Also, why are they so loyal the chain? I suspect their constant ejections are related to abuses of their yearly "Never Ending Pasta Bowl" promotions. Of course you can't rule out the possibility that they're just plain terrible to be around. Given what Loretta says about their free dinner at Sizzler; they may be being paid by the Sizzler to disrupt business in their rival restaurants. It sounds like a sweet gig for the Lockhorns. Maybe Applebee's will hire them to cause trouble at local Chili's locations. It's a push for the panel and an overall push on the day as Leroy and Loretta end the showdown tied at 1-1. 

Official Count:

Leroy - 79

Loretta - 103

Push - 55

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 9

Loretta - 14

Push - 11