Loretta comes off as particularly cruel in today's panel. She ruins poor Leroy's much anticipated day of temporary peaceful solitude and relief from her round the clock nagging and insults by leaving him with the foul lingering aftertaste of a well placed, pointed insult as he is walking out the door. Now he'll have Loretta's shrill critique repeatedly echoing through his head all day as he struggles to enjoy his time out on the water, thus completely tainting his rare vacation. Well played, Loretta. You got yourself a point.
Wouldn't a completely logical explanation by Leroy to Loretta's nagging inquiry be that he usually keeps the top up and therefore the air freshener has some use? Now I would like someone to explain to me the continuing gross lack of continuity in regards to the Lockhorns' cars. My best guess is that due to Loretta's constant accidents, the Lockhorns are forced to endure a never ending rotation of replacement cars. Loretta's nagging is fairly weak but Leroy's dour expression is enough for me to give her the point.
You know, a scene of the Lockhorns at home with a calendar on the wall indicating the current date would have sufficed for this joke. It was extremely unnecessary to make us, the reader, suffer through another inappripriate scene of the Lockhorns at the beach. We get it, the Lockhorns procrastinate with their Christmas card duties, now please no more beach outfits! Also, is Leroy wearing the same white flats as Loretta? Push.
Am I the only one that is completely freaked out by the disturbingly detailed look of Stan and Pauline? Their non-cartooinishy misshapen appearance along with their unsettlingly emotionless stares give me the impression that their either alien pod people or uncanny robots. I really hope this is the last we'll see of Stan and Pauline (I might even prefer another scene at the beach than this). It's another push.
Loretta isn't the only Lockhorn who can turn in a deft piece of insulting word play. Loretta may have the big lead over Leroy, but in the dinning room he is still the undisputed master. If the meal is indeed suppossed to be salmon, judging by the food's greenish grey color, it seems safe to conclude that it's salmonella. Food poisoning aside, Leroy evens up the score.
In one fell swoop, Loretta insults both Leroy's weak body and his weak will power. If only Leroy could muster enough personal resolve to get himself into shape, then he'd be able to shut out an entire category of put downs from Loretta. Of course, if Leroy had that sort of will power he would have divorced Loretta many years ago (like right after the wedding). Loretta gets in the final point to edge out Leroy and take the day 2-1.
Loretta seems to be in rare form tonight, with her stubbly meat hooks smashing those keys, her monstrous feet stomping those pedals, and her shrill wail breaking highball glasses all over the living room. If there was any time for Leroy to jump in and mock her by calling her a witch, it was now. Looks like the Lockhorns will have to find another set of friends to alienate. Of course there is the distant possibility that Leroy wasn't dissing Loretta and was just lamenting about that fact that he'll never get his wish of hearing Margaret Hamilton sing "Over the Rainbow". For now let's assume it's the former and give Leroy the point.
While the ongoing crippling recession and the White House's recent estimation of a mind boggling $9 trillion deficit over the next ten years may seem like the grimmest of economic news to most; for Loretta it's just another choice opportunity to belittle Leroy's meager paycheck. Although by this point Leroy should be used to Loretta's fiscal critiques, he seems especially perturbed today by her comments. The furrowed brow, the raised hairs, and the clenched fist would all seem to indicate Loretta may find herself running a deficit of teeth if she isn't too careful. Loretta wins the point.
Just when I thought the Lockhorns couldn't get any more depressed and cynical, they surprise me with amazing scenes like this. Leroy, in a brilliant epiphany of self awareness, realizes their miserable nightly routine of eating terrible food, watching awful TV programing, and arguing has now become a gross parody of themselves and acknowledges it as such. Loretta seems more than eager to take up Leroy's offer and continue their endless cycle of absurdity. Leroy gets the point.
In a scene oddly reminiscent of the famous leg lamp scene from "A Christmas Story", Leroy disgusts Loretta with his hideous new living room lamp. Of course Loretta, the obvious authority on modern taste and style, finds Leroy's kitschy piece of lighting to be completely incompatible with her perfectly preserved early 1960s living room and banishes it to the basement. Luckily for Loretta, Leroy appears to be too drunk to argue with her. It looks like Loretta wins this round and no doubt after the lamp's relocation to the basement, it'll be found to have been "mysteriously" smashed beyond all repair in the coming days. A "fragilay" point for Loretta.
I'm a bit surprised at Leroy's relatively sophisticated joke about Loretta's tire-like cooking. The Michelin Guide is a somewhat urbane reference to be throwing out in a Lockhorns panel. I have to admit, I didn't know that the freaky, tire hawking, Michelin Man had a side gig doing distinguished travel guides with restaurant reviews until fairly recently. Leroy apparently knew and used the unconventional synergy of a company that produces tires and a restaurant guide to devastating effect. Although to be technically correct, he should have said the "the tire manufacturing subsidiary". It doesn't really roll of the tongue as well. Still, it's a three star effort; Leroy gets the point.
While Loretta obviously seems to subscribe to the popular notion that the lottery is more like a tax on stupid people, Leroy for one has not stopped holding out hope. And why should he give up? The lottery is sadly his most realistic shot (outside of faking his own death and running away) at escaping the overwhelming burden of debt that continues to imprison him in his miserable existence. If I were Leroy, I'd try to sink every last dime that I can hide from Loretta into the weekly drawing or start shopping for disguises for his new life abroad. Leroy dreams, Loretta gets the point.
Leroy fights back against the deplorably long wait times of his long time doctor, Dr. Blog, the only way he knows how: through exaggerated insults. This may be a small victory for Leroy in his containing struggles with the medical profession, but in the end after receiving appallingly negligent medical care at an unconscionably unreasonable cost, it will definitely be Dr. Blog who will have the last word. It's a push.
Leroy starts the evening off right by bashing Loretta about her looks. It's just as much a part Leroy's routine for an evening out as putting on formal clothes or having a shave. Just as he cannot leave for a party without being properly dressed or groomed, he can't leave without Loretta seething with anger. Now the Lockhorns are ready for another night of gin soaked back and forth snipping and alienating their friends. Leroy gets the point.
Since when did Loretta turn into Cathy? Now that I think about it, I can see the some of the striking similarities: the loser husbands, the nagging mother, the lack of domestic skills, the constant dieting and body image issues, the complete lack of sexual appeal. Perhaps the Lockhorns are a sort of future version of Cathy and Irving's relatively young marriage. Aack, indeed! The dual look of contempt and disdain on Leroy and the mustachioed waiter speak volumes; another point for Leroy.
Once again, Leroy's poor navigation skills and gender based inability to ask for directions have doomed the Lockhorns to being lost amid the rolling hills of some unknown road. These are the situations where Loretta can really stick it to Leroy. With Leroy trapped in a small confined space, for an extended period of time, and completely liable for their situation, it becomes a all out free for all for Loretta to unleash a sustained barrage of spite bombs. Loretta gets the emphatic point.
In one of the more surreal panels from the Lockhorns, we learn that they seem to be friends with a bizarre mime couple. Judging by the wary look on Leroy's face, the odds are good that Leroy will have finished that mystery bottle of liquor by himself by the end of the night. Perhaps the Lockhorns have burned bridges with so many of their friends and neighbors that they now only get invitations from the freakiest ends of their social network. It's a push, which means that Leroy takes the day 2 to 1 and breaks the recent Sunday Showdown push streak.
Alas, despite Loretta's mocking remarks about Leroy's supposed views on quitting, Leroy can only wistfully dream of one day being a quitter. Leroy would prosper greatly from quitting many things like his hostile marriage, his dead end job, and his destructive drinking. Loretta is obviously just making up false information about Leroy, just to suit her punchline for her obviously uninterested acquaintance. True or not it's still a solid point; there's nothing wrong with creating your own shots.
Since the anniversary of their unholy union would normally be the most unbearably saddest day of the year, the Lockhorns attempt to cheer themselves up by spending the day pretending that they've actually gotten separated. Loretta enjoys the temporary thrill of pretending to be a gay divorcee at home while Leroy temporarily moves out of the house and indulges his inner Oscar Madison by staying at a friend's place. This is really their Christmas and it seems that every year they like to prepare for it sooner and sooner. Push.
Counselor Pullman may wearily roll his eyes at yet another punchline by Loretta, but when he asks Leroy for his side of the story he'll be shocked and horrified to know that Leroy actually inflicts physical harm to his eardrums to induce temporary deafness so he doesn't have to endure Loretta's shrill whining. He'll then contemplate the futility of his job and wonder if there really is a God in a world with the Lockhorns. Meanwhile, I'm going to give the point to Leroy for going that extra mile in his continuing efforts in ignoring Loretta.
Although generally there really isn't any coherent continuity to be found in any weekly sequence of Lockhorn panels, you can sort of draw up a loose one for this week thus far. The Lockhorns took a flight on an insane airline to see/ruin a hypnotist show and now they've returned to find all their luggage is missing. All and all, it really was really a perfect Lockhorns vacation. On the brightside, their usual invasive search by airline security will now only be limited to full cavity searches. It's another push.
Unfortunately the Amazing Mesmo breaks the age old cardinal rule for all live performers: never involve the Lockhorns in any sort of audience participation. The first few zingers like the one above from Loretta will probably get a few laughs but as she continues to unrelentingly heckle Leroy from her seat despite repeated warnings to stop, the room will just get more and more suffocatingly awkward. As for Loretta, she scores herself a fine coup; as with all Lockhorn jabs the bigger the audience, the more public the humiliation, and greater the hurtfulness. Loretta wins the point.
I do love it when the Lockhorns take their occasional harrowing journeys into the totally absurd. The supposed joke is that the Lockhorns' budget flight is so excessively bare bones that their passengers have to buy products from a vending machine. However, all I really get from this scene are just a number of increasingly confusing questions. Don't most airlines sell the same kind of snacks you would find in a vending machine? Don't many airlines charge you for snacks on a flight anyway? Why would this airline torture this poor stewardess by forcing her to push a heavy vending machine all around the plane? How budget can an airline be when it flies their customers in gigantic cathedral ceiling aircrafts, with copious legroom, and aisles that can accommodate vending machines being pushed through them? You better believe this is a push.
I'm a little confused as to Loretta's punchline involving the can of lemon polish. Is she implying that she gets into so many scuffs and fender benders that the poor car would be better protected by a protective polish? Or is she implying that Leroy drives such a crappy and outdated automobile that it is actually made of wood and thus better served by the polish? I guess in either scenario, whether it be the man with the dinged up car or the man with the old dinged up car, Leroy comes out the loser. Loretta starts the day off with a point.
Leroy must have really done something wrong to raise Loretta's ire to such heights. The kennel is obviously a worse situation than the doghouse, but how the metaphor applies is a little ambiguous. Is Leroy going to be kicked out of the home? Is he grounded from going out with friends? Is he going to be imprisoned in some sort of giant cage in the basement of the house? Like the previous panel, there are many lingering ambiguities. Also like the other panel, one side (this time Leroy) comes out the winner in all scenarios.
The Lockhorns' frequent visits to the good Dr. Blog's office have shown that they are under the most restrictive and overall worthless health insurance plan in America. This panel showing their trip to the local pharmacy only further demonstrates the raw deal they continue to get from their HMO. It's also interesting to note that despite the fact that Loretta is well into menopause and that they haven't approached anything close to sexual relations, Loretta sill insists on taking daily birth control pills. Push.
After years of humiliatingly invasive full body searches by the TSA, Loretta strikes back at the man by intentionally wasting the security officers' time with pointless body searches. Is it a bit excessively spiteful to drive all the way to the airport with no intention of taking a flight just to hassle the security personal at the boarding gates? Perhaps. However, when you're dealing with the Lockhorns,"excessively spiteful" is a relative term. It's another push.
The Lockhorns take a small step out of their usual apolitical void to name drop Fox News' polarizing political commentator. However, Leroy's political neutrality still remains intact since we're not sure if he is in agreement or disagreement with him. I'd like to think that, as someone perpetually stuck in the early 60s, Leroy is staunchly conservative but sides with the left on the big health care reform debate for obvious reasons (see every scene where he goes to a doctor or hospital). It's another push, which means it's been about three straight weeks of Sunday pushes. Hopefully we'll get something settled next week.
A masterful display of insulting by Loretta. Not satisfied with merely another crack about Leroy's terminal lack of fashion sense, Loretta deftly adds an additional layer of mockery by using the black and white nature of the picture to point out how old he is. The synergy between the two insults is perfectly seamless. When you add on top of this exceptional affront, the fact that it's in front of their guests, giving it an extra degree of hurtfulness, you have yourself a truly standout performance by Loretta. She has more than earned her point.
Leroy manages to pull a fast one on Loretta at the local multiplex by depriving her the pleasure of torturing him with her constant nagging for two hours. Of course, being the broad, outdated, gender stereotypes they are, there was no chance that they would have found a single movie that they would have both enjoyed. Leroy would have opted for the explosion filled, T&A-laden, action film; while Loretta would have preferred some depressing, estrogen soaked, chick flick with wall to wall crying. Leroy manages to find a few fleeting hours of Loretta-less relief and thus gets the point.
Loretta sadly dreams of upward mobility and joining the pony set while strolling along some ubiquitous Long Island strip mall; a compelling indictment of the American Dream. If you think about it, Loretta and her manic shopping tendencies can be seen as her desperate attempts at conspicuous consumption. Her husband may be broke and she may be drowning in debt, but she hopes to project an image of wealth through her lavish spending. I can only imagine the heartbreaking dose of reality she'll receive when Leroy tells her that he doesn't even have a spare quarter for the ride. It's a push.
Leroy's attempts at broadening his palette by sampling the no doubt thoroughly authentic Mexican cuisine of "Mexicano Grille" has lead to disaster. No doubt, this pleasant night out was orchestrated by the smiling Loretta; who realizes that if she can't hurt Leroy with her home cooking, then she has to find other means of culinary torture when they go out. I would not put it past Loretta that she actually planned ahead of time and worked in concert with one of the members of the food staff to add some extra "personal" ingredients to the night's meal. Here's another new word for Leroy to learn for any future return trips: veneno. Loretta with the point.
The Lockhorns' once again demonstrate the unscrupulousness of the legal profession via their ugly lawyer caricature, Ted Sklar. Mr. Sklar, in his honest explanation of how he is dishonest seems to be creating some sort of incomprehensible logic loop. One wonders why the Lockhorns even turn to him all the time for all their will changing, debt consulting, divorce planning needs. It looks like a push.
While Loretta has made no ambiguities over the decades about her disdain for Leroy's wandering eye; it's pretty obvious to everyone that no female would ever want any sort of physical contact with Leroy. Since Loretta already knows this for a fact, her initial questions about suspicious hairs were obviously just a front to remind Leroy of and to mock his increasing baldness. Lately Loretta has been focusing mostly on Leroy's expanding midsection when it came to the physical insults, so it's a refreshing change of pace to see her start working the head. Loretta gains a point.
Leroy's usual mocking of Loretta's inedible cooking is given an extra dash of vitriol with the inclusion of the poor dinner guest as an audience member. I suspect that the unfortunate diner is Leroy's boss from work, whom he is attempting to impress in his completely outdated style by inviting him over and having a home cooked meal. This may explain Leroy's low salary and lack of promotion at work. There is also the possibility that he's trying to kill him as well. In either case, Leroy gets the point.
Loretta finds herself in an uncharacteristic moment of vulnerability after losing her train of thought mid nag. Leroy takes full advantage of this rare moment of hesitation by turning what would have been a standard Loretta nag session into a swift victory for Leroy. Is this a sign of the usually dominant Loretta slipping or just a forgettable random lapse? For Leroy to pick up ground, he needs to capitalize on all these opportunities. Leroy goes up by two.
Not only has Loretta humbled Leroy by giving him the personally emasculating task of washing the dishes of the horrible dinner she just cooked, but while he toils away at the sink she mentions how she continually steals every meager bit of money that he leaves in his clothes. Feminists would cheer at Loretta's manipulation of traditional domestic gender roles. Loretta gets the point.
Loretta's sixth sense for Leroy's ogling isn't all that impressive when you figure Leroy's decrepit physique causes quite a few noises when he makes any movement in general. Hopefully Leroy won't injure his neck or back with all his relentless, wide eyed, crooked smile, staring. It seems that it's "Freakish Bimbo Day" over at the beach. While it may not be all that effective, Loretta still gets the point for her cock blocking attempts.
I'm slightly confused about what ruinous personal finance analogy she is making here. Is she saying their investments are as worthless as dirt? Is she saying their investments have been wildly fluctuating much like the peaks and valleys of these dunes? Or maybe she's referring to how their portfolio's value has gone off a cliff? Obviously it's bad, but bad in what way? Unfortunately this ambiguous push fails to resolve this Sunday's showdown; thus leaving us with another push overall.
Once again, Loretta masterfully demonstrates a sharp rapier wit that would humble Oscar Wilde. If merely criticizing the age gap between the couple wasn't enough, she throws in that extra turn of phrase that really adds another dimension to her original comment. Of course, to be fair, Loretta does use this line when she sees any happy couple at a party, regardless of age differences. Meanwhile, Leroy can only look on in sad envy as this similarly fat, bald, middle aged slob lives out his bimbo dating dreams in front of his eyes. Push.
When the Lockhorns start displaying behavior that resembles human affection and love for one another is when I get the most suspicious. Crude jokes, cruel taunts, and physical abuse are easy to understand. These complex long cons with their mixed messages just create more questions for me. Why are they out on a romantic dinner? Why isn't Loretta torturing Leroy with her food? Did Loretta actually say she loved Leroy? Whatever she's got planned it's going to be big. My only theory here is that Loretta has paid the waiter off beforehand to put something in Leroy meal and she conveniently turned off her phone so as to delay her calls for medical attention later on. I'm going to cautiously give Loretta the point.
Once again the air in the Lockhorns' home is thick with the suffocating smoke of another ruined meal courtesy of Loretta. Leroy's disgusted friend may never know how fortunate he was. Instead of a night of trying to ingest an inedible full course dinner and suffering the life long related health effects, the Lockhorns may have to order out tonight. However, there is no guarantee that he may die from smoke inhalation. As with all of Loretta's culinary disasters, Leroy score the point in the end.
There are few sights in the physical world that are more terrifying than this imagine of Loretta at her local Curves gym. While there's the uncomfortably tight outfit and the disgusting sweatiness; the most disturbing element of the shot are her freakishly narrow ankles. It's like she is some kind of grotesque, human-sized, marionette. It's obvious that Loretta's membership in the gym is motivated not by the prospect of physical fitness but by the fact that it provides her with a captive audience to annoy with her self deprecating puns. Judging by all the sweat, it appears that she's been torturing these poor gym members for hours. It's a push.
Once again Leroy's HMO provides him with a total lack of useful health care while finding new and sadistic ways of taunting and mocking him. Leroy is too weak from all the chronic pain, digestive troubles from Loretta's "cooking", and suffocating personal depression to even protest or get angry at Dr. Blog. He's starting to realize that the less actual medical treatment he gets, the more likely that one of his many preexisting medical conditions will get worse enough to release him from his miserable existence. A painful push indeed.
It's overwhelmingly sad when you realize that there isn't an ounce of hyperbole in Loretta's statement. It really did take Leroy two years to "put together" his computer, i.e. plug the keyboard and mouse into what appears to be an all in one iMac. The generally user friendly nature of Apple computers don't help when you're perpetually stuck in a time period where vacuum tubes were considered cutting edge technology. It also doesn't help when you're illiterate. A point for Loretta for repeating the Leroy the embarrassing depths of his ineptitude.
Even on these rare occasions when Loretta leaves the house to shop for food rather than clothing and shoes, she still manages to distress Leroy with her spending by mentioning her purchase of an expensive Tiffany bag for the mere task of carrying groceries. What's even more distressing is that she actually uses her designer bags like disposable shopping bags, thus plunging the household into further debt. Well played Loretta.
As it turns out the Lockhorns and their uncanny ability to make everything they touch worthless and terrible may be the major reason for all the economic turmoil of the previous year and our nation's current recession. It's clear that government bailouts and increased securities regulation are a complete waste of time and money when the key to our nation's economic recovery is merely preventing the Lockhorns from having any contact with the financial markets. Push.
It looks like the Blind Melon bumblebee look is once again back in style. It's bad enough for Loretta to be caught wearing the same dress as another at the party and thus guilty of a serious fashion faux pas; but Leroy manages to really turn the knife by coldly insulting her rotund figure and ogling the similarly dressed bimbo. The only thing that could possibly make Loretta feel even more embarrassed and upset would be if a bucket of pigs blood was suddenly dumped on her Carrie style. A fantastic point for Leroy.
Loretta's mocking concern for the safety of her new lamp stand after Leroy has suffered massive internal injuries from a horrific fall from the top of the stairs is pretty damn mean, but when you consider the high likelihood that Loretta was responsible for Leroy's "accidental" fall down the stairs, her callousness seems downright evil and sadistic. Although I have yet to see it, this is probably the closest one of the Lockhorns have come to crossing that line from cartoonish antagonism to unsettling cruelty. Loretta emphatically goes up 2 to 1.
One can scarcely begin to fathom the untold carnage and havoc Loretta has caused while on the road. Each dented bumper, busted headlamp, twisted antenna, shattered window, blood stained tire can tell their own gruesome tale. So many mailboxes busted, animals run over, bikers lost. This isn't a car...it's a murder weapon. Leroy gets the point and manages to salvage an overall push.
Just as Leroy starts to experience the foreign sensation of personal pride while showing off his various degrees, Loretta deftly sweeps in and belittles him in front of everybody. Loretta's crack is sort of a double whammy. There's the obvious implication that Leroy was a terrible student in school who failed to succeed in any subject, but then by adding that his only skill was avoiding gym class, she's also throwing in a subtle fat joke. A double sized dose of an insult in front of company for maximum damage; this is why Loretta is currently the leader. Another point for Loretta.