November 1, 2013

Driven

Official Count:

Leroy - 102

Loretta - 129

Push - 74

June 4, 2013

Without Ever Knowing the Way

Official Count:

Leroy - 54

Loretta - 68

Push - 33

May 24, 2013

Bump and Run

Official Count:

Leroy - 49

Loretta - 62

Push - 33

July 25, 2012

Collision

Official Count:

Leroy - 71

Loretta - 88
Push - 48

July 11, 2012

Priorities

Official Count:

Leroy - 67

Loretta - 82

Push - 44 

February 8, 2012

Inflation Prediction

Official Count:

Leroy - 13

Loretta - 20

Push - 6

August 4, 2011

Like A Good Neighbor

Official Count:

Leroy - 82
Loretta - 83

Push - 51

May 2, 2011

Four Funerals And A Funeral

Official Count:

Leroy - 46
Loretta - 43

Push - 33

January 31, 2011

Fender Bender

Official Count:

Leroy - 11
Loretta - 12
Push - 8

January 19, 2011

Death March

Official Count:

Leroy - 7
Loretta - 6
Push - 6

April 1, 2010

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When Loretta totals the family car, you make a snide remark. After coming home to see that his dangerously reckless wife has smashed his latest car beyond recognition, possibly committed a few fatal hit and runs, all the while coming home from a trip to the mall where she exponentially multiplied the household's already hefty debt, all Leroy can do is drop a caustic comment about her poor driving skills. It's just another Thursday for the Lockhorns. It's a point for Leroy.

Official Count:

Leroy - 26
Loretta - 36
Push - 29

January 5, 2010

Had we witnessed the actual scene where Leroy surprises Loretta with the insulting gift of additional collision insurance, this would have been a slam dunk point for Leroy. Unfortunately, Loretta's first hand account of it to her friend merely counts as a push. Sure, it's Leroy ragging on Loretta's dangerously inept driving abilities, but in a weird way it's sort of a thoughtful present on his part. Loretta can now recklessly drive through the highways and byways of Long Island with the added comfort of knowing she has a higher cap on the amount of harm and damage she can cause. It's another push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 0
Push - 4

July 15, 2009

Sure, Leroy can be ostensibly called the "winner" when he makes a cutting remark about Loretta's dangerously poor driving abilities. However, no one really is a winner when she's on the road. It's certainly not Leroy who has to pay the exorbitant repair fees, nor the drivers in the other cars that she collides into, nor all the poor pedestrians she maims or kills. The only real winner may be the lucky body shop that receives such a steady stream of broken headlights, dislocated axles, and blood stained dented bumpers to rack up repair fees for. Nevertheless, since we have to award a point to someone, it might as well be Leroy for his insulting.

Official Count:

Leroy - 61
Loretta - 70
Push - 65

June 25, 2009

This is probably Leroy's best rank out of the year, an instant classic. The collision shop line and the salon line would have been quality points on their own but, with one deftly phrased question, he unleashes a double barreled smackdown on BOTH Loretta's poor driving skills and her excessive homeliness. Double the insult, double the misogyny, double the anger. Although the policy is one point per day, I am quite tempted to give this an unprecedented two points. Had he also somehow incorporated a crack about her bad cooking as well, I would have been sold. For now an emphatic point for Leroy.

Official Count:

Leroy - 51
Loretta - 63
Push - 62

April 10, 2009

Loretta gets herself into one of her classic "female motorist" problems again and this time engages in more female stereotypes when confronted with the police. Unfortunately Leroy is nowhere to be found to capitalize on this moment. It's really quite disturbing how little regard Loretta seems to have for automobile rules, whether they be while driving or parking. Officer Rolly Fingers should be commended for doing everything in his power to keep the dangerous Loretta off the road. On a side note, I had to look up what color "taupe" was; it's definitely not one on the Crayola box. Push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 27

Loretta - 39

Push - 34

March 17, 2009

Leroy finally breaks out of his ten day winless drought by capitalizing on Loretta's awful female driving abilities. I'm going to assume that the Lockhorns do not have an experimental rocket car and that Loretta's driving was so dangerous and reckless and consistently airborne (there must of been a sale on shoes at the mall or something) that this time around she somehow managed to get cited by the Federal Aviation Administration. I'm not sure if the FAA even offers "tickets" to other air crafts for violations, but whatever the fine may be, I'm going to predict that it will be exponentially higher than the worst possible motorist ticket. At least Leroy gets his digs in and the day's point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 20
Loretta - 32
Push - 24