It always freaks me out a little when the Lockhorns bust out the box captions. I think its usage is mostly motivated by panel space issues. Loretta's report to counselor Pullman about how the quality of their fights have increased while the actual quantity has decreased is probably about as close as he'll get to something resembling progress working with the Lockhorns. While, he does enjoy the steady billings, I'm sure that he hopes the quality of their fights increase one day to the point where one actually murders the other and spares him further sessions. I'm ruling this one a push.
One shudders at the thought of the kind of gruesome havoc Loretta has wrought with her totally reckless driving today. I can always expect an appallingly high body count when she comes into the scene carrying the detached steering wheel. I could fault Leroy for not taking advantage of the situation here and making a crack about her driving, but I would probably be a bit speechless and horrified myself. I wonder if Loretta saves all of her old steering wheels as some sort of grim personal monument to all the vehicular damage she has created over the decades? It's another push, the score still remains 0-0.
It has been firmlyestablished in the past that Leroy has no friends on facebook or any other social networking site, so I'm not sure what he's talking about here. Then again, Leroy may have different standards than most people about what constitutes a "friend". His definition may go more along the lines of someone who isn't an overt enemy. As for Leroy's tool borrowing "friend" here, I'm not really sure why he's so blissful. Maybe he's taking personal pleasure in annoying Leroy. Since it's not overt, he may still be Leroy's friend. Yet another push keeps the day scoreless.
Leroy finally breaks through the stalemate with, his bread and butter, a well placed cooking insult. It appears that Loretta has really managed to outdo herself in terms of dining disasters. Instead of spaghetti, she has managed to cook a inedible supper of human hair. I suspect she took the idea of angel hair pasta far too literally. One can only hope and pray that "Angel" is still alive and safe. Leroy goes up 1-0.
The day closes with another boxed caption (two in a day...definitely hard to handle). I don't really follow Leroy's analogy here. Leroy considers the day of marriage to be an execution and the engagement prior to be the "stay of execution". Shouldn't the engagement be more like a sentence to execution since it's what sets everything in motion for the eventual marriage? A stay of execution would be more like wedding postponement. Loretta knows what I'm talking about; and with that she gets the point and manages to force a 1-1 push on a fairly uneventful Sunday Showdown.
Pretty strained joke by there Loretta, but I'll still allow it. Of all the complaints and accusations Leroy has had about Loretta, I don't think Leroy has ever accused Loretta of nickel and diming him into debt and poverty. It has been nothing but grand gestures from destroying automobiles by the fleet load to racking up outrageous charges on the credit card. I would venture that Leroy's complaints have been more along the lines of "for the love of God, admit you have a shopping problem and stop spending us into the damn poor house!" But, then Loretta wouldn't have a good punchline when she asks for a twenty. Loretta goes up 1-0.
I was wondering what the Lockhorns were suddenly doing in church last month, but now it's clear that going to Sunday services, like all other actions in their lives, was motivated solely by the prospect of insulting each other. Loretta has taken the upper hand today by approaching the pastor after services, ostensibly to discuss his sermon, only to make light of Leroy's alcoholism. Hopefully, this brief interaction with the Lockhorns will not lead him to totally lose his faith in God and humanity. Loretta takes control 2-0.
It seems that in an effort to help pay down some of Loretta's mountain of debt, Leroy has agreed to do some less than subtle product placement advertising for Healthy Choice Meals. Sadly, he misses a prime opportunity to strike back at Loretta by making a crack about how spoiled 6 month old Healthy Choice leftovers are still a more edible option than her cooking (perhaps throw in a line about her food being a "lethal choice"?). A perfect opportunity wasted. Loretta still leads 2-0.
On the surface, this would appear to be another scene of Loretta humiliating Leroy in front of acquaintances, but for some reason she decides to take the blame as well for the poor performance of the household portfolio. Of course she stops short of mentioning how her uncontrollable shopping compulsion also keeps the couple in the red; something Leroy could have gotten a point out of mentioning. Overall, it's a blown chance for both sides, but I guess all Loretta needs to do at this point in the game is to drop back into zone coverage and ride this day out for the win. Another push, Loretta clinches.
I love seeing the Lockhorns make terribly untimely complaints about outdated trends and technology. Today, the Lockhorns finally make a stand against those new fangled cellular phones in some surreal corner in Huntington where everyone still appears to be using gigantic 1980s cellphones. I expect in roughly 20 years they will get around to making biting comments about the ubiquity of smart phones. Also I'm a little surprised that neither Lockhorns made any reference to the local jewelry store, usually a go to source of insults and put downs. With that third straight push, Loretta puts together a stifling shutout victory, 2-0.
It looks like the Lockhorns have decided to kick this Sunday off with a sardonic commentary on new technology trends; and by "new" I mean "long established for the past decade". The fact that the Lockhorns have a collection of music media that goes all the way back to player piano rolls only further backs my theory that they are immortal beings destined since the dawn of time to snipe at each other forever. I'm inclined to suspect that Leroy is actually downloading more pinups of gigantic bimbos to ogle and that Loretta is calling his bluff; but since there isn't enough evidence here let's all assume he's actually downloading music. It's a push.
Boy it appears that Leroy really went off the rails this time. The disheveled appearance, shaky posture, glazed look, grotesque nose discoloration, and empty bottle under his arm indicates a night of heavy drinking or possible participation in an underground fight club, or both. Meanwhile, in light of Leroy's dismal state, Loretta plays it extra mean by cruelly dangling the shimmering prospect of a divorce in front of him; something Leroy can only hope for in his wildest dreams. Loretta takes the lead 1-0.
Leroy is being grossly unfair to airline, hospital, and prison food by comparing it to Loretta's cooking. All three of those foods are at least, at a bare minimum, fit for human consumption and Leroy would gladly place himself in any one of those situations to get a meal. I guess he's just trying to put the terribleness of Loretta's food into terms comprehensible to the uninitiated like our poor guest. Sadly this will be the last thing he will ever hear since he failed to head Leroy's warning and took a bite. Leroy ties it at 1-1.
It seems decades upon decades of chronic nagging has left Leroy deaf in one ear; now it's time for Loretta to start making fun of it. There is the possibility that Leroy is actually just faking it in an attempt to ignore Loretta or he has taken the more drastic action of spitefully inflicting permanent hearing loss on himself to tune her out. In the end though, none of these actions seem likely to stop Loretta anytime soon. Loretta takes the lead 2-1.
My main question here is: why would Loretta even be nagging Leroy to rake the leaves in winter?! Is she even aware anymore of what she's nagging about or has she just developed some sort of autopilot nagging mode that spits out random topics regardless of situation? Ideally, she should be nagging Leroy to, I don't know, maybe shovel the snow! Judging by Loretta's defeated stare, I think she knows she missed an opportunity here and Leroy took advantage of it to mock her. Perhaps she'll learn to be less sloppy in the future. Leroy manages to tie it 2-2 and ends the day on a push.
Don't look all coy and remorseful Leroy. You know calling Loretta fat and having her run out of the room in a furious huff is one of the last great joys left in your life. Although If I were you I would be extra careful about what's in your food for the next few days. She looks really enraged. All she needs is a bloody club to be the slipping image of an orc from Middle-earth. Of course any action that gets a point, especially to take the lead on a Sunday Showdown, is well worth the potential repercussions. Leroy goes up 1-0.
Wait a minute. A tip from the horses mouth? Does this mean that Leroy's bet on the horse was based off of inside information given to him by the horse? That's insane enough as it is, but even if we were to assume that this was some sort of hyper intelligent speaking horse, why would anyone just take the horse's opinion about how they were going to do in the race? Wouldn't every horse say that they were going to win the race? I can't believe I'm even asking questions like these. I'm giving Loretta the point and moving on. It's 1-1.
Once again the Lockhorns' home is full of the familiar thick choking black smoke of Loretta's cooking. It's a testament to just how poor a cook Loretta is that she is completely oblivious to the burning and billowing dark plumes, like it was all just part of the cooking process. If Leroy wasn't there to stop/insult her, I'm pretty sure she'd be in the same position, still stirring her pan of inedible food in the charred remains of her kitchen. Leroy takes the lead 2-1.
Loretta's stereotypical female complaint about the Super Bowl in this panel is about the quantity of coverage but perhaps she should also start criticizing the quality of the coverage as well. It looks like Fox has really skimmed on the production budget for the big game this year and just opted for a no-frills gigantic all-caps title in front of a blue background. Hopefully they'll pony up to show actual in-game footage or there may be a few complaints. Loretta nags her way to a 2-2 tie.
Hypocrisy, thy name is Loretta. Despite singlehandedly driving the entire household into crushing, inescapable debt with her endless shopping sprees, she suddenly starts exercising some financial restraint when Leroy starts eyeing a sportier car. Additionally, it's quite likely that the whole reason they are even looking for a new car is because Loretta crashed another one. Still, at the end of the day it's Loretta that's getting off the final insult and taking the day. Yet another clutch performance gives Loretta the 3-2 win.