I wonder, based on Loretta's accounts of Leroy's lethargy and the countless panels of him passed out on the couch, if Leroy may be suffering from some sort of undiagnosed physical problem like chronic fatigue syndrome. Unfortunately, any hope for a diagnosis and possible future treatment seem unlikely as Leroy is probably not going to get any useful information from his regular doctor. I'm also not ruling out crippling depression and debilitating alcoholism as possible culprits as well. In any case, Loretta has no complaints, for her it's an endless goldmine for snide comments and putdowns. Where would she be with an active, healthy, Leroy? Loretta gets the point.
This is a pretty elaborate scheme on the part of Leroy. Going all the way to the lingerie department and picking stuff out; I applaud the effort. As per Leroy's plan, I think that there's a far greater chance that Loretta would return the gift not because of its small size but because she'll immediately notice that her undergarment is a clownish bright orange. Perhaps he was better off getting her the prominently displayed puke green polo shirt that seems to be considered lingerie in this store. I think that's just about as much exposure we want out of Loretta. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go vomit due to the unintentional mental image of Loretta wearing anything resembling lingerie. The point goes to Leroy.
So I'm going assume that Loretta attempted to drive the old sedan home without fueling up and it ran out of gas midway up the driveway. That seems to be the only way this scene can be construed as something resembling a joke. One of these days, Loretta's criminally reckless driving habits will catch up to her when she hits a child or causes a fatal multi-car highway pile up. Leroy will get the point then as well.
I find it a little hard to believe that Loretta, who is incapable of cooking food that doesn't look like mounds of gray mush, would even attempt something as relatively exotic as French cuisine. Looking at the plate it appears that Loretta has applied her special culinary touch to whatever French recipe she has attempted. For a guy who is served so much awful food, you'd think Leroy would be skinnier. Leroy goes up by two.
These rare moments where Loretta seems to be showing compassion and affection, I find far more unsettling and scary than any direct threat. These sly backhanded compliments also seem to come off meaner and more spiteful in the end. If I were Leroy, I would immediately leave the room anytime Loretta attempted to put her stubby meat hooks around my shoulders. The point goes to Loretta.
I wouldn't really call moving an object as "using" it. I wouldn't say I "used" my car by pushing it or "used" my toaster by removing it from the kitchen. It's a slightly awkward fitting joke, but we all get it: Leroy is lazy, out of shape, and completely lacking in will power. Also, look how unhappy Leroy looks even while taking a restful slumber. One can only imagine the horrors that haunt his dreams. Loretta ties it up.
If the Lockhorns aren't fans of Hamlet, I don't understand why they would go watch the play again. It was the same lazy joke then and it's the same lazy joke now: Leroy is uncultured. Although there's not enough proof, I suspect all these theater trips are part of an elaborate plan by Loretta to make Leroy's life all the more unenjoyable. However, until I get more hard evidence, it's still a push for the panel and ultimately for the entire day.
So is this the dreaded, brick throwing, intolerable, mother-in-law that Leroy regularly both fears and ridicules? I sort of expected a bit more outrageous a caricature; something more like a white, doughy version of Tyler Perry's Madea character. Of course beneath that seemingly innocuous, retired, schoolmarm exterior may be a real cold blooded shrew of a women who combines with Loretta to become a vicious double team against Leroy. When it comes to insults directed at Loretta's mother in law I have to make a judgment call as to if it is offensive enough to actually count as a point for Leroy. In this case, I don't think a lazy, idle treat involving clearly non-existent hounds is enough for Leroy to claim a victory. Push.
Also, I haven't completely ruled out that possibility that the lady may not be Loretta's mother, but a proselytizing Jehovah's witness. However, then you have to wonder why Loretta would be so offended by Leroy's comments about them.
Considering the fact that Leroy has never been seen wearing cargo pants, or really any other pants outside of his standard black slacks, the only plausible reason for him being here is for the sole purpose of Loretta joking about the excess weight he's carrying. This is a good example of why Loretta currently enjoys her commanding lead. Not only does she take advantage of the opportune insult moments that arise, she also creates her own scoring opportunities like this where she drags him into the cargo section just to mock him. Despite the reference to Leroy's shifting "cargo" being a little too close for comfort to a reference to his shifting "package", it's a solid point for Loretta.
The obvious aim of Leroy's comment is to point out to Loretta the futility of her careful efforts to mask her unappealing, aging, appearance with cosmetics. It's sort of along the lines of the times when he callously bursts her bubbles of oblivious confidence regarding her cooking, singing, or musical abilities. However, there is also the distinct alternative possibility that Loretta's uncontrollable shopping addiction has forced her to commit daily acts of identity fraud to satisfy her massive debts and Leroy's coldly condemning her for it. In either scenario, there's no doubt that Leroy's getting the point.
Having fallen significantly behind in the year long tally and badly hurting for a point, Leroy gets some unexpected help from the the good counselor Pullman. Even as a professional marriage counselor who is trained and expected to be a great listener, Pullman still has his own personal limits. Leroy better not expect a lot of his future to be assisted by third parties, points are won in the insult to insult shag carpeted battle fields of the home front. Next time, Leroy may not get the benefits of "bros before hoes". Savor the flavor of the point for today, but don't rest on your laurels for tomorrow and beyond.
"Unimaginably frightening" is the phrase that comes to mind when describing Leroy's face today. The rage filled tremors, the ambiguous sweat bead/tear drop of frustration, the grinding teeth; it all adds up to a nightmarish sight. Loretta should be a bit more concerned, if she finds herself landing one too many money criticisms on Leroy, this look will likely be the last thing she sees before he finishes strangling her to death in a blind rage. Despite the awesome visual, this is still a pretty ho-hum, non-domestic dispute related, push. The week continues without a real winner.
Am I missing something completely obvious here? What I see here in today's scene is Leroy doing some light plumbing work on his house without looking like a complete failure. Is the fact that he ended up switching the knobs around in the shower supposed to show that he's laughable terrible at home improvement? I mean, he fixed the shower didn't he!? I suspect the real punchline will be when Loretta goes to take a shower later on and realizes Leroy has bobby trapped the plumbing to unexpectedly shoot dangerous scalding hot water on her. Until then, I still have to rate this a push.
I'm not really sure where the joke is. Don't you have to actually pay your tax preparer to prepare your taxes? Since I've never really made enough money in my life to require expert tax preparation, I'm not sure how this works. Is there something all that ridiculous about having to pay them prior to preparing your taxes rather than afterwards? We all know the punchline is supposed to be that the Lockhorns have comically mismanaged finances, so I guess this is what happens to those people? A completely underwhelming push to start the day off.
Amazingly enough this is our first disturbing peek into the Lockhorns bedroom. I found it down right shocking that, given their hateful disposition and characteristic outdatedness, they don't have separate 50s sitcom style beds. While still highly doubtful, the bed sharing still raises the terrifying possibility of activities approaching intimacy. Now that thought will keep me from falling asleep or staying awake (whatever that's supposed to me). It's another befuddling push.
Of course the Lockhorns being the Lockhorns will, when approached by a poor beggar, instead of sparing some change, use them as a prop in their eternal domestic war of spite. Loretta may have belittled Leroy about his work and won this day's battle, but it seems like merely a matter of time before his bosses realize how useless he is and throw him out on the street and you're out of shoes. Until that day comes, it's Loretta with the first point.
It seems that counselor Pullman has finally grown weary of the futile exercise that is counseling the Lockhorns. His choice of referrals seem to indicate an excessive level of physical fighting in the marriage. It would appear that Pullman has realized that his weak physique and freakishly shaped head stood little chance in restraining the violence. Of course there's only one ref that can handle a situation like this. It's another push on this push heavy day.
It's bad enough that Loretta tortures Leroy on a daily basis with her borderline fatal cuisine, their poor friends have to hold back their gag reflexes and choke it down at their dinner parties. While it's nice to see that Leroy is keeping up with relatively current events, one wonders if all this pro-ethanol talk means that he's firmly in the pocket of big corn. Pretty soon, he'll be dropping truth bombs about high-fructose corn syrup on us. Despite the corn message, Leroy salvages the day and manages a draw. It looks like the overwhelming winner today is the push.
Leroy is really reaching deep to try to get back in this race. I haven't seen a "burst Loretta's oblivious bubble of confidence" insult in a long while. Leroy has got some serious ground to make up and he's got to get his punches in at every available opportunity. He can't just wait around for Loretta's next compulsive shopping spree, he's got to hit her (emotionally, possibly physically) at the parties, the friendly gatherings, the kitchen, etc. Loretta's characteristic overly inflated view of her musical talents and looks is an under utilized goldmine for Leroy. I expect Leroy to take full advantage again the next time Loretta finds herself musically torturing a room full of blind albinos and horrifying floating heads. A point for Leroy.
Wow, a Groundhog's Day reference; and only about a month and a half past its relevance! Despite the lack of timeliness, a put down is still a put down. I would have also accepted a barbed aside about how Leroy is so heavy his shadow weights X pounds. Loretta should give a long hard look at her shadow as well (considering the Lockhorns share the same grotesque body type). Her physique doesn't exactly scream trim and svelte. Interestingly, I actually had to read this panel one twice. The first time around I was totally distracted by Loretta's friend's gigantic bouffant hairdo. Another point for Loretta.
This joke is definitely a bit too high brow for "The Lockhorns". Lockhorns humor comes from fundamental observations about modern life and human nature. There is no need for references or allusions no matter how simple they are. Loretta crashing the car because she's a woman driver? Fine. Leroy not getting along with his mother-in-law? Great. Some fossilized general joke about going to the dentist's office? Wonderful. But, this "Hamlet" referencing joke just isn't "The Lockhorns." There are many other simpler ways that Leroy could have been portrayed as an uncouth philistine without bringing the Bard into it. The push's the thing .
For all the crap Loretta gives Leroy about how he has a lousy job and how he doesn't earn enough, maybe the main reason Leroy's work situation is so bad is because he's just a straight up bad employee. If his after hours are spent kicking back (while possibly drunk) and making paper airplanes out of important company documents, then perhaps upper management would be justified in not giving him any jobs with actual responsibility. It only seems like a matter of time before our deepening recession hits Leroy's office and his age and lack of usefulness immediately singles him out as an expendable layoff candidate. Can you imagine the perpetual conflict that would ensue if an unemployed Leroy had to be home with Loretta all day? Terrifying. Until that fateful day, it's Loretta with another point.
Leroy finally breaks out of his ten day winless drought by capitalizing on Loretta's awful female driving abilities. I'm going to assume that the Lockhorns do not have an experimental rocket car and that Loretta's driving was so dangerous and reckless and consistently airborne (there must of been a sale on shoes at the mall or something) that this time around she somehow managed to get cited by the Federal Aviation Administration. I'm not sure if the FAA even offers "tickets" to other air crafts for violations, but whatever the fine may be, I'm going to predict that it will be exponentially higher than the worst possible motorist ticket. At least Leroy gets his digs in and the day's point.
Today we find Leroy uncharacteristically committing a charitable and noble act by donating blood. Whether this is actually a genuine act of charity, or a work place mandated donation, or if he's just in it for the juice and cookies; we can always expect Loretta to be right there beside him to shoot him down in front of the nurse. I actually expected a donation related knock about how cheap Leroy was, but I was pleasantly surprised to get a laziness comment instead. This sort of versatility and unexpectedness in her insult deliveries are two big reasons why Loretta has built up such a big lead thus far. It's another point for Loretta.
There are two conclusions you can draw from this scene. The first would be that Loretta's natural addiction to shopping and being easily influenced by product commercials also includes ads for prescription medication. The other, more darker, conclusion would be that Loretta has both a shopping addiction and a pill addiction. In either case the "that's my stupid wife" expression of disbelief of Leroy's face says it all. The first point goes to Leroy.
Oh Loretta, if only you knew how many untold thousands in hard currency Leroy has sunk into that wishing well, and various other wishing wells in the area over the years, you'd be able to figure out why Leroy always seems to bring home such a light pay check every month. Leroy goes up two to nothing.
One can only dream of the endless possibilities of insulting "to do's" that Loretta has written up on the poster. For now, I guess we'll take the standard criticism of Leroy's earnings. I can't imagine there is even a single legitimate "to do" task written up there, just one sarcastic dig after another. Well done Loretta.
Not only will the Lorckhorns ruin the evening for your restaurant by disruptively arguing all night and distracting the other patrons with their freakishly disproportionate physical appearance, the notoriously cheap Leroy will also stiff you on the tip. Loretta may be the winner here, but everyone else at the reaturant are the unfortuante losers.
Some clever wordplay and apt use of football analogies by Leroy here. The "big risk" may apply both to the heightened risk of detection by Loretta or to her size as the risk as well. However, I think by the virtue of Loretta's expert cockblocking, she gets the point here. Loretta's glowing smile of supreme satisfaction is from her personal knowledge that she has snuffed out one of the few activities in life (flirting with other women) that brings any sort of relief to Leroy from his miserable existence. Another thrilling comback win for Loretta.
It's another cocktail lubricated social shindig for the Lockhorns to start unloading on each other. This time, it's Loretta getting the barbs in from afar. It's safe to say Loretta's comments are probably hyperbole since that would make Leroy 90 years old and somewhere between 300 to 400 pounds. However if you factor in the fact that the Lockhorns have been miserably middle aged since the late 1960s, their actual age in reality would probably be around 90. So in that sense Leroy's life sort of mirrors that of Brad Pitt's protagonist in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" if he stayed in his fifties...and got married...and was hopelessly depressed...forever. Loretta with the point.
Another depressing fiscal scene at the Lockhorn's kitchen table. Loretta really missed a golden opportunity to keep her recent hot streak alive for a fourth straight day by not making a crack about how Leroy didn't earn enough to pay taxes. That being said, I'm starting to get a little concerned about Leroy's state of mind these days. While he's always been a droopy eyed, melancholy, depressive; the lack of insults, unusually excessive drinking, and extra unkempt appearance has made me wonder if he isn't a suicide risk. His fixation with death in the panel above, may be a subtle cry for help. Unfortunately, the only one there to hear it is Loretta. I'm giving this a slightly concerned push.
Loretta's maiden name must be Parkay, because she's definitely on a roll. Today's early morning rank out gives her three straight wins in a row and 4 out of the last 5. Leroy better start taking better care of himself and start falling back on the women driver jokes if he wants to keep things from getting out of hand. Once again, the total lack of attention taken by Leroy to prevent the complete free fall of his physical condition (and additionally, his total lack of shame in letting his friends and neighbors witness it) provides more than ample ammunition for Loretta to use. Also, considering Leroy's raging alcoholism, it's pretty safe to assume that his all important morning coffee is more than a little Irished up.
The needling never stops with Loretta, even when discussing the probate of Leroy's meager worldly assets. I'm actually taking Trusts and Estates in law school this semester and I'm pretty sure any contesting of Leroy's Will will still have to go into the Surrogate's Court. Since the Lockhorns are ostensibly residents of Levittown, NY, the very same New York Estates, Powers, and Trusts Law I'm studying now will apply to them. Unfortunately for Leroy, under section 5-1.1(a)(1)(A), even if he leaves nothing for Loretta, she can still elect to get one-half of his net estate as his spouse. Of course the reverse works as well if Loretta dies before Leroy (however there won't be much of a net estate left after her many creditors get through with it). But, all this may be a moot point since murdering your spouse automatically disqualifies you for any inheritance. There is, however, no contesting here that Loretta gets the point.
This is definitely one of the most appallingly sad "Lockhorns" scenes I've ever had the displeasure of witnessing. We may only see evidence of a depleted six pack, but who knows how many more 70s style cans of gray generic beer were consumed to get Leroy this dangerously drunk? It also seems that he seriously injured his nose while wandering around the house in a blind drunk stupor. I know Loretta deserves the point here and I'm still going to give it to her, but is it possible that Leroy has almost found a way to be such an embarrassing disappointment that he actually insults her?
The obvious joke is that the Lockhorns have notoriously bad credit which prohibits them from eating at a McDonald's let alone some fancy bistro. What really puzzles me is the fact that they are receiving the exact opposite treatment here. Not only are they being served, but their money is actually no good there, as in they're getting a complimentary meal! My only explanation for this bizarre reversal of fortune is that Leroy and Loretta have somehow managed to work in tandem to kidnap and murder another couple with the surname "Lockhorn" and have assumed their identity for the purposes of eating out. It does explain Loretta's personal paranoia and the look of maddening guilt in the eyes of Leroy (who was most likely given the traumatising, gruesome task of dismembering the bodies and disposing them to avoid detection). Despite the horrific implications, I still have to rule this one a push.
The gradual physical deterioration of Leroy continues unabated, much to Loretta's great pleasure. There really isn't much left of that surviving back patch of neat horizontally lined hair left for Leroy to lose. Observe the look of sadness and defeat on Leroy's face after hearing about this latest setback. Well done, Loretta, well done.
Isn't Leroy's facial expression in this panel exactly the same as his expression in the previous panel? That looking away frown seems to be his go-to face for his many moments of personal defeat. I'm assuming Leroy did not buy Loretta the gift out of some unexpected sense of generosity or affection, but probably due to some lost bet or blackmail. The fact that Loretta insults it by immediately declaring she'll return it, is just the cruel icing on top. Loretta goes up two to nothing.
I can totally imagine the Lockhorns sucking all the fun out of a Friday night at the old Bowl-A-Rama; all that frowning, all that bitterness, all that discouragement. Judging by the matching puke green uniforms, they must be part of some league or something. I can only imagine the ten frames of horrible awkwardness that awaits the other couple. Leroy's mocking of Loretta's poor bowling skills still gets the point.
Not really sure why Loretta would get perturbed at overhearing Leroy's comment about how he doesn't understand women. Obviously, after being married to him for about half a century, you'd think she'd realize that Leroy has absolutely no understanding of the female mind. In a way it's more of an insult on him than her. I guess he might be implying that women are irrational and difficult. Whatever it is, it's sure got Loretta's kettle boiling. Leroy knots it up at two.
Leroy's idiocy reaches absurd new levels this time around. We know he's terrible at driving instructions, is an incompetent employee, uncultured, uncouth, and at times incapable of maintaining basic personal hygiene; but his inability to solve a children's placemat maze is something else. I'm pretty sure Leroy is actually functionally illiterate. It's just one more flaw for Loretta to chip away at. Loretta cliches the fifth panel and the win.
I'd like to consider myself someone with an above average vocabulary and a fairly good grasp of American idioms but I'm still not a hundred percent sure what Leroy means by "green streak". I guess if someone is talking up a "green streak" they're making envious comments about another? I thought that it meant someone was bragging about themselves and thus causing those around them to become green with envy. Surprisingly the Internet was of little help in clearing this up. Also, if Loretta is envious of everyone, doesn't it reflect poorly on Leroy as well? Nevertheless if it looks like an insult and it sounds like an insult, then boy golly it probably is an insult. Point to Leroy.
As a current law school student I am baffled and offended at the Lockhorns' descent into lousy lawyer jokes. Now, I'll appreciate a clever, witty dig at the legal profession, but this one barely qualifies as a joke. We get it lawyers are bad. How can they even tell it's a lawyer? Are they just making broad assumptions based on looks? Are they expecting a lawyer? Is it their lawyer? Are they being sued? Too many question, not enough answers. Of course the biggest question to ask here is: were they really expecting a wolf at the door initially?
You know this joke could have easily been improved into a quality Lockhorns zing by simply replacing "a lawyer" with "your mother". Alas, it's a push.
Oh snap! Leroy comes back from a relatively quiet week with a soild straight up smackdown! Jokes about the folly of Leroy and Loretta's unholy union go right to the heart of what "The Lockhorns" is all about: portraying marriage as a horrible, horrible mistake. Even on the outer boundaries of the Lockhorn rumpus room, it's obvious Loretta heard that one. Judging by the cool, vindictive look in her eyes and the apparent, runaway train, momentum she's approaching Leroy with; he's asking for a scaling cup of coffee in the eyes. Blindness or not, Leroy gets the point.
Loretta obviously gets the upper hand here by demonstrating how she is able to understand some of the more detailed nuances of Leroy's interest (baseball) while Leroy is incapable of even grasping the basics of Loretta's interest (opera). In addition, Loretta's night at the opera is causing Leroy to be thoroughly unhappy; always an essential goal. However, her knowledge of the infield fly rule, despite her obvious lukewarm feeling about baseball, seems to almost indicate trace amounts of compromise and understanding on her part. She learned the rule instead of blindly writing off all of Leroy's interests like she's suppose to. This disturbingly comes a bit too close for comfort to an almost overlapping interest. It's a suspicious point for Loretta.
Perhaps the Lockhorns would be better served by going to another dentist that isn't as mean-spirited and spiteful. Then again, perhaps the good doctor Greene is actually the perfect fit for the mean-spirited and spiteful couple. Anyone else suspect in the back of their minds that the receptionist's intention is to shove the bill in Leroy's mouth? I'm just glad the sign refers to a dentist rather than a proctologist. Push on.
To Leroy's defense, I'm pretty sure it wasn't the eye rolling. Anytime you invite over a couple of sad-eyed freaks with disproportionately large heads and grotesquely big feet who drink and bicker all night and are delusionally living decades in the past; there's a good chance the evening won't go as smoothly as you had planned. This is why the Lockhorns should stick to their usual group of similar freak friends. Push.
Awkward, pun-filled shopping with the Lockhorns; what better way to spend a pleasant Sunday afternoon. Oh Loretta, don't pretend that you didn't hear Leroy's comments about your inability to shut your mouth, we all heard it. First point goes to Leroy.
It's a subtle insult. In fact, it seems almost too subtle. Without the context of Leroy's dire financial situation and Loretta's history of vengeful shopping sprees, I'm not sure an average person would have become aware of the joke. Despite that fact, Loretta's spiteful spending still earns her a point.
Apparently, not only is Loretta a terrible cook, she has a tendency to maximize the lifespan of her awful cooking. If there's anything worse than amorphous greenish slop in a pot, it's stale amorphous greenish slop in a pot. Leroy plays the cooking card for the point and the lead.
So the button somehow summons one third of a Village People cover band? Also, I'm starting to get a little worried about Leroy's disturbingly frequent trips to the hospital. We know he doesn't keep himself in the best of conditions, but it's like every other week he's in a bed. I'm going to have to give Loretta the point here for maintaining her cool and sardonically pointing out Leroy's bizarre mistake.
It's your usual, Leroy's an idiot/the Lockhorns are going to the poorhouse situation. Loretta does a good job with the commentary. Leroy gets sad. However, the most fascinating thing about this scene for me was that, without a TV in the frame, it looked like Leroy was sitting and starring off into the corner while Loretta was mocking him. It injects a little extra sadness to the scene. So a late surge by Loretta gives her the point and the day: 3-2.