Showing posts with label Loretta Wins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loretta Wins. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

December 31, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 119
Loretta - 153
Push - 92

***

The 2013 edition of "Lockhorns vs. Lockhorn" concludes much as it has done all year with a victory by Loretta. Congratulations once again to Loretta Lockhorn for taking the title. In four full years of "Lockhorn vs. Lockhorn" she has managed to win in convincing fashion every year. Loretta responded to Leroy coming off his best effort last year by putting up her most dominant season yet, scoring over 150 points and topping Leroy by a record 44 points overall; utilizing her vicious wit, impeccable timing, and unwavering meanness. Dynasty thy name is Loretta.

Now this would usually be the point where I would encourage Leroy to look forward to next year, to learn from his losses so he can improve his strengths and sure up his weaknesses. However, it is is with a slightly heavy heart that I announce that this will be the final "Lockhorn vs. Lockhorn", at least for the time being. After five years, almost 1,600 comics, and a lifetime of insults I feel I have taken the blog as far as it could go. Now this isn't to say that this is the complete end, this site has been on hiatus before and if I feel that if there can be a new way to draw more vile, spiteful, blood from this hateful stone I will definitely return. For 2014 though at least I going to take a break from the bitterness. As a near daily ritual for half a decade it has been a tumultuous and hostile, but ultimately enjoyable ride (though there were some Sundays where those Showdowns took a bit more motivation to get through) and I hope all you readers out there (all five of you) had fun too.

Monday, December 30, 2013

December 30, 2013


*Author's Note: I think Loretta's dumbfounded stare says it all.

Official Count:
Leroy - 119
Loretta - 152
Push - 92

Thursday, December 26, 2013

December 26, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 118
Loretta - 151
Push - 91

Monday, December 23, 2013

December 23, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 117
Loretta - 150
Push - 90

Saturday, December 21, 2013

December 21, 2013

A Long Drinker's Nap

Official Count:
Leroy - 117
Loretta - 149
Push - 89

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

December 17, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 115
Loretta - 148
Push - 88

Thursday, December 12, 2013

December 12, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 114
Loretta - 147
Push - 85

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

December 10, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 114
Loretta - 146
Push - 84

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

December 3, 2013

I Wanna Be Your Dog

*Author's Note: Wait, Leroy used to work with the Stooges?

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 145
Push - 82

Saturday, November 30, 2013

November 30, 2013


*Author's Note" Well, I just lost my appetite...for the year."

Official Count:
Leroy - 110
Loretta - 144
Push - 80

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

November 26, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 108
Loretta - 143
Push - 79

Monday, November 25, 2013

November 25, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 107
Loretta - 143
Push - 79

Sunday, November 24, 2013

November 24, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • Victories don't get much more thorough than this. There's enough going on here to award her three points. First you have Loretta getting her way by holding Leroy up to apply her lipstick. Second, she manages to do this using the reflection off of Leroy's chrome dome, thus throwing in a quality baldness joke. Finally, it is Leroy who is the one apologizing despite all the indignities. Save some for the rest of the showdown, Loretta. There's no need to run up the score! Loretta overwhelmingly takes the first point and leads 1-0.
  • It is hard to imagine Leroy having any other girlfriends before Loretta. It's hard to imagine any member of the female sex being attracted to him. There is the possibility that it's a made up name; all part of the elaborate fantasy life Leroy escapes to where he's married to Darlene, happy, and had a full head of hair. He should have stuck to the safer password question standbys like: first car and first pet. Loretta continues to roll and takes a 2-0 lead.
  • Why does Leroy look so unhappy here? Isn't this good news for him? Loretta is opting not to cook and they're going out to get an actual, edible meal. Maybe Loretta picked a really expensive, extra fancy location, and Leroy has to drag himself up and dress up; but even then it's still food that won't make him violently ill. Isn't that the ultimate goal? I have to give the point to Loretta here, which means that she has already clinched victory by going up 3-0. The only question left now is can she pull off the full sweep?
  • I think most of us have turned to alternative pork therapy at one time or another. They say it's actually good or you now. Or did it just get reversed again? It most certainly isn't Loretta's bacon that Leroy's been self-medicating with, then this scene would be in the emergency room. I think Loretta's just bitter at Leroy enjoying food elsewhere (which makes the previous panel all the more incongruous). Dr. Blog as always is indifferent to everything. Loretta scores another point and takes a rare 4-0 lead heading into the final panel.
  • Alas, another perfect game dies in the last panel. Salvaging a small shred of his dignity Leroy manages to pull out an insult about Loretta's poor piano playing skills (at least she's not singing as well). This is the first panel since the initial panel where he even got a word off (and in that initial panel he's just apologizing to Loretta); that is a testament to how dominant Loretta's day has been. Loretta friend doesn't seem to mind her playing, though we cannot rule out the possibility that she is deaf. Leroy manages a point but Loretta takes the day in dominant fashion 4-1.
Official Count:
Leroy - 107
Loretta - 142
Push - 79

Sunday Showdown Count:
Leroy - 12
Loretta - 21
Push - 14

Friday, November 22, 2013

November 22, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 106
Loretta - 141
Push - 79

Monday, November 18, 2013

November 18, 2013


*Author's Note: She has ears, Leroy.

Official Count:
Leroy - 105
Loretta - 140
Push - 77

Sunday, November 17, 2013

November 17, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:
  • Compliments don't get any more backhanded than Loretta's praise about the Lockhorns' choice seating. Maybe I'm just low class but I never put much stock in table placement. So what if they're close to the kitchen or towards the bathroom, it's not like the table itself is deficient or you're getting any less food. Is Leroy even to blame for the location of the table? I suppose if he got a reservation earlier there would have been more options. Loretta should be glad that cheapskate Leroy didn't just take her to a White Castle. Loretta gets the point and takes an early 1-0 lead.
  • Everything about the Lockhorns is old stuff. They're walking antiques themselves. I bet the Lockhorns could make a bundle if they took stock of and sold all the perfectly preserved, vintage early 60's era items that make up their entire home. They probably even live in one of those historic original Levittown homes. Now that I think about it, antique shopping for the Lockhorns would be like going to Ikea. Though it's Loretta that's smiling in the scene, I'm going to give Leroy the benefit of his whine and award him a point for his complaining. The score is tied 1-1.
  • It seems that even tech support operators with their rigid scripts and "customer is always right" attitudes cannot hold back their disdain at the Lockhorns, monitored calls for training purposes be damned. Knowing Leroy's dimwitted nature and his lack of tech savvy, whatever issue he may be having with the computer is probably so trivial, like it's not plugged in, as to deserve ridicule. At least the ridicule isn't coming from Loretta so he can escape with a push and maintain the 1-1 score.
  • I had to do some squinting to read Loretta's shirt (it was way more time than I would have liked staring at Loretta's chest), it says "I'm With Misinformed". As Pullman says, this is a small degree of progress for Leroy. It all still comes from a place of hate but at least it's more nuanced. I actually kind of want one of those shirts now. Loretta manages to pull off a rare wordless point here, just speaking through her fashion statement. Loretta leads 2-1.
  • Loretta masterfully takes Leroy's crack about her tight fitting dress, takes ownership of it, and throws it right back at him to secure the win. It is somewhat baffling though that a rampant shopper like Loretta would have a dress that's 20 days old, let alone 20 years. Maybe she just really likes the way it fits? I do have to say, she does look good here; and by good I mean slightly more like a human being. There is something there to indicate a figure and not a some cartoonish box body. Loretta scores the point and wins the day 3-1.
Official Count:
Leroy - 105
Loretta - 139
Push - 77

Sunday Showdown Count:
Leroy - 12
Loretta - 20
Push - 14

Saturday, November 16, 2013

November 16, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 105
Loretta - 138
Push - 77

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

November 13, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 104
Loretta - 137
Push - 76

Monday, November 11, 2013

November 11, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 103
Loretta - 136
Push - 76

Saturday, November 9, 2013

November 9, 2013


Official Count:
Leroy - 102
Loretta - 135
Push - 76