*Author's Note: I have call it a push since Loretta's mother is doing all the damage here. Plus, "incomepoop"? Really? *Author's Note #2: After some retroactive number crunching, it turns out that with that push, Loretta has managed to mathematically clinch victory for 2013! Congratulations to Loretta for the three-peat and fourth win overall. The conclusion seemed forgone for a while but this is by far the earliest Loretta have ever locked up a year. For Leroy this is an unfortunate regression after his improved showing in 2012 when remained alive all the way to mid-December. We'll see if he can still muster some competitive spirit and finish strong in December.
Victories don't get much more thorough than this. There's enough going on here to award her three points. First you have Loretta getting her way by holding Leroy up to apply her lipstick. Second, she manages to do this using the reflection off of Leroy's chrome dome, thus throwing in a quality baldness joke. Finally, it is Leroy who is the one apologizing despite all the indignities. Save some for the rest of the showdown, Loretta. There's no need to run up the score! Loretta overwhelmingly takes the first point and leads 1-0.
It is hard to imagine Leroy having any other girlfriends before Loretta. It's hard to imagine any member of the female sex being attracted to him. There is the possibility that it's a made up name; all part of the elaborate fantasy life Leroy escapes to where he's married to Darlene, happy, and had a full head of hair. He should have stuck to the safer password question standbys like: first car and first pet. Loretta continues to roll and takes a 2-0 lead.
Why does Leroy look so unhappy here? Isn't this good news for him? Loretta is opting not to cook and they're going out to get an actual, edible meal. Maybe Loretta picked a really expensive, extra fancy location, and Leroy has to drag himself up and dress up; but even then it's still food that won't make him violently ill. Isn't that the ultimate goal? I have to give the point to Loretta here, which means that she has already clinched victory by going up 3-0. The only question left now is can she pull off the full sweep?
I think most of us have turned to alternative pork therapy at one time or another. They say it's actually good or you now. Or did it just get reversed again? It most certainly isn't Loretta's bacon that Leroy's been self-medicating with, then this scene would be in the emergency room. I think Loretta's just bitter at Leroy enjoying food elsewhere (which makes the previous panel all the more incongruous). Dr. Blog as always is indifferent to everything. Loretta scores another point and takes a rare 4-0 lead heading into the final panel.
Alas, another perfect game dies in the last panel. Salvaging a small shred of his dignity Leroy manages to pull out an insult about Loretta's poor piano playing skills (at least she's not singing as well). This is the first panel since the initial panel where he even got a word off (and in that initial panel he's just apologizing to Loretta); that is a testament to how dominant Loretta's day has been. Loretta friend doesn't seem to mind her playing, though we cannot rule out the possibility that she is deaf. Leroy manages a point but Loretta takes the day in dominant fashion 4-1.
Compliments don't get any more backhanded than Loretta's praise about the Lockhorns' choice seating. Maybe I'm just low class but I never put much stock in table placement. So what if they're close to the kitchen or towards the bathroom, it's not like the table itself is deficient or you're getting any less food. Is Leroy even to blame for the location of the table? I suppose if he got a reservation earlier there would have been more options. Loretta should be glad that cheapskate Leroy didn't just take her to a White Castle. Loretta gets the point and takes an early 1-0 lead.
Everything about the Lockhorns is old stuff. They're walking antiques themselves. I bet the Lockhorns could make a bundle if they took stock of and sold all the perfectly preserved, vintage early 60's era items that make up their entire home. They probably even live in one of those historic original Levittown homes. Now that I think about it, antique shopping for the Lockhorns would be like going to Ikea. Though it's Loretta that's smiling in the scene, I'm going to give Leroy the benefit of his whine and award him a point for his complaining. The score is tied 1-1.
It seems that even tech support operators with their rigid scripts and "customer is always right" attitudes cannot hold back their disdain at the Lockhorns, monitored calls for training purposes be damned. Knowing Leroy's dimwitted nature and his lack of tech savvy, whatever issue he may be having with the computer is probably so trivial, like it's not plugged in, as to deserve ridicule. At least the ridicule isn't coming from Loretta so he can escape with a push and maintain the 1-1 score.
I had to do some squinting to read Loretta's shirt (it was way more time than I would have liked staring at Loretta's chest), it says "I'm With Misinformed". As Pullman says, this is a small degree of progress for Leroy. It all still comes from a place of hate but at least it's more nuanced. I actually kind of want one of those shirts now. Loretta manages to pull off a rare wordless point here, just speaking through her fashion statement. Loretta leads 2-1.
Loretta masterfully takes Leroy's crack about her tight fitting dress, takes ownership of it, and throws it right back at him to secure the win. It is somewhat baffling though that a rampant shopper like Loretta would have a dress that's 20 days old, let alone 20 years. Maybe she just really likes the way it fits? I do have to say, she does look good here; and by good I mean slightly more like a human being. There is something there to indicate a figure and not a some cartoonish box body. Loretta scores the point and wins the day 3-1.
I had to reread Leroy's comment a few times to get his point. I'm assuming that Loretta was a relentlessly nagging backseat driver for the entire trip. For Loretta to be constantly on Leroy's case about his driving quality shows that her hypocrisy knows absolutely no bounds. I cannot imagine the sort of horrors an extended road trip with the Lockhorns would hold. Leroy certainly looks to have aged a decade as he exits the car. Still, his comment does earn him a point for his trauma. Leroy leads 1-0.
Loretta always maintains a kind of Zen-like attitude about her arguments with Leroy. She has a sense of the natural inevitability of the whole thing and never lets it really get to her. This is the opposite for Leroy who is almost always the one losing his cool and stomping around in the background. I like to imagine that Leroy just stomps back and forth in a mad, futile routine while Loretta easily gets her points. The score is tied 1-1.
"The Lockhorns" never seem to have any trouble getting the rights to depict TV shows, movies, and especially local businesses. That's why I find it odd that Leroy has to carry a case of "Koor's" beer (frost brewed in the Appalachian mountains?). Perhaps the silver bullet people really did not want their brew associated with the Lockhorns. I also want to note that there is no storm at all in the forecast for the tri-state area; so this is an obvious deception by Leroy to stock up on beer. I'm surprised Loretta didn't figure this out sooner. Leroy's rampant alcoholism earns him a point and a 2-1 lead.
Leroy's statement really sums up the Lockhorns entire meaningless existence. They are forever trapped in this cycle of repeated arguments and fights, insults and humiliations; a private hell for two with no escape. Just look how weary Leroy looks as he delivers his grim observation. In a fair world, this would be the last final Lockhorns panel. Unfortunately for the Lockhorns, such relief is an impossible dream. Leroy scores the point and clinches the Sunday victory 3-1.
Going by the scene in this panel I would have guessed that Leroy was asking people to pull his finger. Knock-knock jokes do fit his character though. The poor bald guy he's talking to seems utterly horrified at whatever punchline Leroy's just arrived at. Knowing Leroy, his knock-knock joke probably had an embarrassingly dirty payoff. Despite Loretta's whispering tone, I am going to assume Leroy overheard her, or at least saw her commenting. Loretta gets the point but still loses the day 3-2.
To no one's surprise, Leroy did not care for the dialog heavy French language art house film. Leroy probably would have preferred even going to the opera, at least he wouldn't have had to read there. While Loretta, undoubtedly dragged Leroy to the movie to watch him suffer and then belittle his lack of sophistication, Leroy cuts her off by being the first to complain. In Leroy's defense I also think a film with as generic a translated title as "Life and Love" wouldn't be all that entertaining. Leroy wins the point and leads 1-0.
Of course the only time Loretta would ever consider showing some restraint on her spending is if it involved mocking Leroy about his modest earnings; although Leroy's small paycheck has never stopped Loretta from her shopping binges before. It think Loretta's just making a snappy burn to a suggestion by Leroy to stop spending beyond their means. Somebody get this man some aloe vera. Loretta earns a point and ties the day up 1-1.
I would think a lazy man like Leroy would be the one dismissing a proposed camping trip. Though I guess he enjoys his fishing (generally one of the lazier leisure time activities). Of all the potential hardships of roughing it in nature, Loretta picks, what I think, one of the lesser inconveniences to complain about. If she really wants to shoot down camping she could mention bears, mosquitoes, lack of internet, and proper toilets among others more severe inconveniences. Still, Loretta scores the point on Leroy and surges to a 2-1 lead.
Leroy seems to be having a rather one sided conversation with Daddy Warbucks from "Annie". In contrast to the fat cat industrialist, Leroy looks extra shabby. You'd think Leroy would try to clean himself up a little before having a conversation with the guy. Loretta continues a fine streak of solid put downs of Leroy; the addition of the family friend gives her insults an extra viciousness. After dropping the first panel, Loretta gets another point and rides three straight winning panels to clinch the day. Loretta leads 3-1.
To Leroy's credit, he refuses to just phone it in after Loretta's clincher and manages to earn an ultimately irrelevant point to preserve some pride. Leroy's lazy Sunday sports viewing set up works together in perfect synergy to irritate and annoy Loretta. You better believe Leroy's got some sweatpants on (or even no pants for that matter). On an unrelated note, that punter on TV looks like a linebacker; the Whatever City Whites look to be a physical team. Leroy gets himself a point, but in the end Loretta takes the day 3-2.