November 17, 2009

I find the Lockhorns' recent forays into computers and the Internet to have a striking parallel to the space race between the US and USSR. In both cases two hostile powers with two completely diametric views and ideologies, locked in perpetual conflict, competed and pushed each other towards new technological innovations and accomplishments. If Leroy was going to start Tweeting and indulging in Internet pornography, Loretta was bound to follow suit by establishing her own Internet presence; updating her trademark nagging for Web 2.0. However, Leroy demonstrates that there is still no substitute for a good old fashion personal insult. On the whole though, it is nice to see the Lockhorns channelling their boundless hate to constructive pursuits like getting with the 21st century. So I guess there are some potential benefits to being in a toxic, hate-filled marriage. Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 103
Loretta - 125
Push - 93

November 16, 2009

The straightforward reading of Loretta's statement about the payments for the cupholder is that the Lockhorns are so in such dire financial straits that they have to buy even modest, inexpensive items on extended payment plans. However, maybe the Lockhorns have some sort of outrageously expensive solid gold, diamond encrusted cupholder off panel on their kitchen counter top? Maybe it was impulsively purchased during one of Loretta's feverish rampages through the local mall? Of course none of this changes the fact that the Lockhorns are still drowning in debt with no hope in sight. It's a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 102
Loretta - 125
Push - 93

November 15, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• The Lockhorns' traditional hostile relationship with the service industry continues at the Lawrence Hill Service Station in Huntington. One would think that with all the business the Lockhorns have given the garage over the years due to Loretta's destructive driving, that their mechanic would be a little less sardonic in breaking the news to them that their warranty has expired. There's just something inherently dark within the Lockhorns that brings out the cruelty and meanness in people. Push.
  
• Leroy may be forced to pick up the tab for all of Loretta's reckless clothes shopping, but he certainly doesn't have to compliment her when she wears any of it. While Leroy has indirectly insulted Loretta by opting not to tell the unflattering truth about how see looks in her new dress, in actuality he has taken the dare. He has dared to insult Loretta about her fashion and looks before dinner. Leroy goes up 1-0.
• The Lockhorns decide to treat themselves to a rare fancy night out, enjoying some delicious French cuisine courtesy of Bistro Cassis in Huntington. Between this and the local service station, there is certainly an above average amount of references to local businesses this showdown. It all sort of looks like intentional product placement, but then again no product or business would want to be associated with the Lockhorns. I find Loretta's remarks to be unexpectedly off the mark here. By using the "we", she takes a slam dunk fat joke about Leroy and muddles it up into a general push statement about the Lockhorns as a fat couple. As for Leroy, he's just happy to eat non-poisonous food for once. It's a push.
• It's always a treat when Loretta's absurdly anachronistic Victorian-era mother shows up at the Lockhorn house. Under the guise of helping Loretta prepare some peanut butter sandwiches, Leroy drops an all too topical "Bette Davis Eyes" reference (I mean it was one of the top hits of 1981) only to follow it up with a comparison to Andy Rooney; an unforgivable insult under any circumstance. In addition, while I suspect she'll somehow find a way to make them inedible, Loretta's peanut butter sandwich making may shockingly count as a successfully prepared meal. Leroy still gets the point and goes up 2-0.
• Obviously Loretta's comments are intended to demonstrate what an uncultured philistine Leroy is, but I have to say Leroy's alleged cinematic philosophy isn't all that ridiculous. While I'm not going to completely snooze off at the opening credits of an explosion-less film, I have to admit that an explosion in the first five minutes of a film can only add to it. However, it still doesn't change the fact that Loretta made Leroy look foolish in the eyes of their fellow movie night couple. Loretta salvages the point, but Leroy still takes the day 2 to 1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 102
Loretta - 125
Push - 92

November 14, 2009

That disinterested looking fellow in the flannel has got to be the most unconvincing teenager I have ever seen. He looks like Ray Romano, the current middle aged Ray Romano. He is supposed to be a teenager right? Why else would Leroy be using analogies to being grounded? Unless he's maybe an airline pilot? In any case, Loretta missed a choice chance to criticize Leroy's hideous zigzagged grayish blazer. Instead, Leroy manages to win the day by laying out one of his anti-marriage words of wisdom that always draws the ire of Loretta. Leroy scores the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 101
Loretta - 125
Push - 92

November 13, 2009

We seem to be entering day three Loretta's birthday blowout bacchanal with Leroy giving Loretta his personally selected birthday gift. Apparently the only gifts Leroy ever gives Loretta are irons and vacuum cleaners; one alternating with the other every year. While giving a gift could dangerously be construed as a sign of affection, Leroy protects himself from any such risks by making them offensively sexist. I think the bow is a nice touch, it says to Loretta that he really put a lot of effort into getting this terrible gift. It's like leaving a penny as a tip to a bad waiter rather than nothing. It really drives home the spiteful deliberateness. Leroy gets the point and finally reaches the one hundred mark.

Official Count:

Leroy - 100
Loretta - 125
Push - 92

November 12, 2009

Apparently birthday celebrations for Loretta are multi-day affairs. While this would have potentially given Leroy another prime opportunity to cruelly prey on Loretta's age insecurities, it actually turns into a figurative group beat down of Leroy. Fortunately for Loretta, her friends (which appear to include the grown up versions of those creepy twins from the famous Diane Arbus photo) have all conspired to help Loretta get back at Leroy via her gifts. It's actually quite a touching scene (as touching as it gets in the dark world of the Lockhorns), a bunch of friends coming together to help one of their own on her birthday. All Leroy can do is bitterly choke down his cake in defeat. Loretta and crew earn the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 99
Loretta - 125
Push - 92

November 11, 2009

It looks like the "39th Birthday Party" that Leroy was referring to on Monday actually arrived one day earlier than expected. Given the modest size of Loretta's birthday cake, it's quite impossible to believe that there are an accurate number of candles present. Considering the ideal combination of Loretta's sensitivity regarding her age and the large gathering of friends and neighbors, Leroy manages to hold off passing out on the punch long enough to take full advantage of this amazing opportunity to ruin Loretta's special occasion. Leroy wins the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 99
Loretta - 124
Push - 92