September 2, 2011

She Got The Goldmine (I Got The Shaft)

Official Count:

Leroy - 88
Loretta - 94

Push - 63

November 13, 2009

We seem to be entering day three Loretta's birthday blowout bacchanal with Leroy giving Loretta his personally selected birthday gift. Apparently the only gifts Leroy ever gives Loretta are irons and vacuum cleaners; one alternating with the other every year. While giving a gift could dangerously be construed as a sign of affection, Leroy protects himself from any such risks by making them offensively sexist. I think the bow is a nice touch, it says to Loretta that he really put a lot of effort into getting this terrible gift. It's like leaving a penny as a tip to a bad waiter rather than nothing. It really drives home the spiteful deliberateness. Leroy gets the point and finally reaches the one hundred mark.

Official Count:

Leroy - 100
Loretta - 125
Push - 92

October 6, 2009

For Leroy to start getting back in this race, he needs to step things up like today on the generally under utilized sexist front; there are only so many rotten meals left for Loretta to cook. Along with the revolving cast of cars they drive, it now seems that the Lockhorns also have a complete lack of continuity when it comes to their home televisions. How did Leroy, with his laughably meager salary and shopaholic spouse, ever find the funds to buy a massive, wall sized flat screen that's as tall as Loretta? It almost looks like he's staring at a painting of a beach volleyball player. Whatever the cost may have been, it has already paid for itself by helping getting Leroy a point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 86
Loretta - 107
Push - 86