March 22, 2013

Career Mentoring

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 35

Push - 15

February 25, 2013

Last Words

Official Count:

Leroy - 21

Loretta - 25

Push - 10

February 25, 2012

Fixed Income

Official Count:

Leroy - 19

Loretta - 26

Push - 11

April 2, 2011

Honesty Is Such A Lonely Word

Official Count:

Leroy - 36
Loretta - 30

Push - 26

March 26, 2010

Fresh off his recent "firing" from "Celebrity Apprentice 3", indicted former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has apparently decided to pay a visit to his good friends the Lockhorns. Leroy consoles the disgraced ex-governor by giving him some of his time tested words of marriage wisdom. His lesson for today: any sort of contact with your wife immediately destroys a good mood. Blago does not seem impressed, perhaps he's just wondering why Loretta and Leroy have yet to offer him coffee or who that weird woman is walking off in the distance. Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 25
Loretta - 33

Push - 27

February 26, 2010

Once again, it takes a truly sick and twisted brand of masochist to be a close friend of the Lockhorns. Aside from the general displeasure of actually speaking to them, there are the frequent invitations to come over solely to act as painfully awkward audiences to their never ending domestic battles. Loretta's dear old purple clad friend finds herself once again caught in the crossfire of another Lockhorn exchange; this time being subjected to a confusing play on a catchphrase that never existed in the first place (seriously what the heck is "can't get through with them" supposed to mean?). Loretta's friend must be in wonderfully exquisite pain. Loretta gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 14
Loretta - 22
Push - 21

January 16, 2010

Another painfully awkward moment with friends brought to you by the Lockhorns. It's clearly a win for Loretta but I feel that there were so many better directions she could have gone in this situation. What kind of cutting insult is it to refer to someone as "Old Faithful"? Given his long history of bimbo ogling/drunken dancing, he is most definitely not faithful. I guess the obvious implication is that Leroy is old, but that really could have been accomplished in a better manner than comparing him to a geyser that happens to have the word "old" in its name. It's a little sloppy but a point is a point. Loretta scores.

Official Count:

Leroy - 3

Loretta - 5

Push - 8

January 10, 2009

Poor sleepy eyed Leroy marriage complaint sounding board guy. The poor guy can't seem to get a break. He has to put up with Leroy's endless marital laments and tales of domestic violence all day at work, on the commutes to and from work, and during frequent leisurely get togethers of all types. I wonder what affect this has on his relationship with his wife (who I assume acts all day as the captive audience for Loretta's limitless laments)? While Leroy clearly gets off a nice clean hit on Loretta, since she is not within earshot of his comments to be insulted, it's officially a push.

Also what's with the powder blue smocks? Are they hurried dentists or something?

Official Count:
Leroy - 5
Loretta - 4
Push - 1

January 9, 2009

Not to be outdone by Leroy's cutting man-to-man chat from the previous day, Loretta engages in a little "bash her marriage while talking to her friend" girl talk. The tableau of traditional domestic bliss (the doting housewife with the chores and the hardworking breadwinner relaxing at the end of a long day) contrasting with the dark reality of the Lockhorn's hollow marriage is nothing sort of inspired. For all the critical acclaim of the new "Revolutionary Road" film adaptation; the Lockhorns have defined tragic quiet desperation amidst suburbia for decades. Loretta gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 5
Loretta - 4