Leroy's acknowledgement that Loretta was his "best friend" is probably the most blatant lie ever uttered by one Lockhorn to another Lockhorn. Even as enemies they're not the kind of old arch enemies that have forged some kind of begrudging admiration for the other after years of battling. They just plain hate each other. Clearly Leroy said it so he could support his flimsy excuse not to lend money to Loretta. Frankly, I'm surprised he was able to say the whole line with a straight face. It looks like Loretta will have to fire up the plastic for this shopping binge. Leroy gets the point and leads 1-0.
The Lockhorns never seem to have enjoyable vacations. If it isn't trouble with air travel, or exorbitant tourist prices, or aggressively hostile service from the service staff, the fact that the Lockhorns are still together will always be enough to prevent any kind of unexpected joy. It must be the latter since there is nothing observably wrong with the Lockhorns' vacation in this panel. The scene seems to be pleasant enough so it might have been some off screen awfulness that has soured Leroy. Perhaps it has something to do with his freakishly disproportionate legs. Still, Leroy whines his way into another point and runs up a commanding 2-0 lead.
I am always conflicted when I see Loretta, bruised and disheveled with a detached steering wheel in her hand, commenting on how she crashed the car. On one hand she's being a buffoonish caricature of the stereotype of poor women drivers but on the other hand she's sticking it to Leroy by wreaking his car. Here, I'm inclined to give Loretta the points. Leroy blows an opportunity to dig into a dazed, post crash Loretta and allows her to get in the final line. Loretta comes away with the point and stays alive as she trails Leroy 2-1.
Loretta manages to hit Leroy at what used to be his personal stronghold, the dinner table. It appears that Loretta has cooked a meal that somewhat tastes consistently with the type of meat used. This is possibly the most competent meal Loretta has whipped up in decades. If Loretta is going to continue to reduce her liabilities and take charge of the dinner criticisms, Leroy may as well give up now and save us all the hassle. Loretta wins the point and rockets back to tie the day up 2-2 going into the final panel.
Pretty lame joke Loretta, but hey it's more than enough to win the point. I suppose some fraternities out there are offended with Loretta's general association of fraternities with drunken partying and girl ogling; others might have already passed out from all the drinking. Also, did that line really need a caption box? I think there was plenty of space on the dance floor for Loretta's line to have been transcribed without getting the hated box involved. Leroy manages to have an epic series collapse as Loretta comes back from 0-2 down to take the day 3-2.
What could have just been a wasted panel about the Lockhorns complaining about the ills of modern society is deftly savaged by Loretta into a winning point. Loretta could have just silently acknowledged Leroy's horror at that relatively high prices of a chain coffee place, but she decides to get with the times and joins up with the unhappy barista in being disdainful of Leroy. While it's no surprise Leroy is shocked by the high price of coffeehouse brew, I actually expected him to be more dismayed by the excessive amount of details involved in the ordering process. Loretta gets a point and leads 1-0.
I would not be surprised if Loretta genuinely needed to turn Leroy over to remove any stagnant growth under him. He is more than capable of pulling off such a sickening show of sloth. He doesn't look nearly as disheveled and gross to indicate he has been there too long, however it's still worth a check. Despite the scoring, this act can almost be considered a display of caring on the part of Loretta. Perhaps she just wants to preserve the recliner. Loretta earns another point and storms ahead 2-0.
This panels leaves me somewhat conflicted as to who got the upper hand. On one side you have Loretta calling out Leroy's false excuse for staying out late by using football knowledge he most likely didn't expect her to have. On the other side, Leroy passes the smile test. He is the one with the smile with Loretta is scowling. He seems to have no regrets about his tardiness and though it may not have been a football tailgate, it looks like there was plenty of drinking involved. In the end I'm going to give Leroy the edge here. Loretta still leads 2-1.
Leroy must have done some serious sinning to warrant such an extreme schedule of penance. Just going back to the second panel, we know he was going to be on the hook for some serious sloth action. I am quite surprised that Loretta doesn't go to town on Leroy in such a vulnerable position. Maybe since she just got out of a confessional booth she didn't want to immediately dive into a beat down just yet. Loretta fails to clinch as it ends in a push; though she still leads 2-1 heading into the final panel.
To be fair, Leroy may not have as poor a vocabulary as the scene might indicate. Given that Loretta's mom is trapped in the 19th century, she may have called him some sort of obscure, outdated, Mr. Burnsesque, insult that the average modern person would be hard pressed to recognize. He may have to go beyond his standard copy of Merriam-Webster to one of those massive Oxford dictionaries found in public libraries. Still, specifics aside, it's an insult and Loretta scores the point. Loretta takes the day 3-1.
Leroy committed the fatal error of leaving the bathroom door open while trying to groom the last remnants of his head of hair. That was just a wide open invitation for Loretta to come in and lay the mocking hammer down. This particular bathroom seems unfamiliar to me; much like many of the other rooms in the twisted fun house that is the Lockhorns' dwelling there is something off about it. The disproportionately large size and sparseness gives it the feel of a bus station men's room. Additionally, from this angle, the sink looks like it's floating in mid air. Loretta gets the point and takes the initial lead 1-0.
Loretta shows off just how terrible a friend she is and makes us all question once again how the Lockhorns even have friends to give gifts to in the first place. Although Loretta is admonishing Leroy, I can't really give her a point here since she's the one looking foolish with her twisted viewpoint. As for Leroy, I have to say he did a surprisingly competent job wrapping that gift (although he could have gone with a slightly more festive wrapping paper choice than plain white). I thought a craft project like this would lead to certain disaster and humiliation. Still, he doesn't do enough to earn a point. It's a push as Loretta leads 1-0.
There are many horrifying implications presented in this scene. Now what spontaneous behavior is Leroy flaunting in front of Loretta? Is he just bringing over this freakish (even by Leroy's usual freakish bimbo standards) Amazon for dinner? Did he divorce Loretta and is starting a new life with her? Or did he somehow convince this poor bimbo into a potential threesome with Loretta? My personal theory is that she's actually just an expensive, detailed mannequin he spontaneously purchased on the way home. He plans on prominently displaying it in the living room to perpetually irritate Loretta. Whatever the explanation may be Leroy earns the point and ties the day up 1-1.
I've noticed that Leroy has been really working up the "I enjoy ignoring you" angle lately. I think that's a rich territory for him to explore. If he can perfect his technique and time them just right, he can always have a comeback for whatever cutting remark Loretta throws out him. Also as a terminally lazy man, such a passive method of attack is right in his wheelhouse. Leroy ignores his way into a point and a 2-1 lead.
Are there still channels that show surgery on TV anymore? I remember way back in the day before The Learning Channel turned into TLC they would air graphic surgeries all the time. Loretta is being somewhat unfair to Leroy here. Sure, he may not have much of a grasp of anatomy, but from what I see he looks like he's trying to gain more knowledge. Still, being unfair and giving your spouse an unreasonably hard time about everything is what makes "The Lockhorns" what it is. Loretta manages to score the final point and force a 2-2 push on the day.
Leroy earns himself a point the hard way. There has to be an easier path to a point than accompanying Loretta to a three hour long foreign tearjerker just so he can complain about it at the end. The subtitled film must have been especially frustrating for Leroy since he is functionally illiterate. Still it's good to see that Leroy is willing to put the work in to get ahead this year, he can't score all his point at the dinner table. Leroy gets the score and takes the lead 1-0.
Although I haven't gone back in the archives to check, I could have sworn that there were panels where Loretta was schooling Leroy at bowling. Still, we all know that Leroy's bowling "accident" was not caused purely by Loretta's novice bowling abilities. Leroy should be the one learning something for this bowling lesson, mainly to never involve himself in an activity where Loretta has a heavy object at her disposal. Loretta gets the point and ties Leroy 1-1.
What sort of bizarre cellular dead zone within the suburbs of Long Island could the Lockhorns be in where they're struggling to get a cellphone signal in 2013? Maybe they're AT&T customers? Zing! I am shocked that Loretta is squandering a prime opportunity here to send Leroy to the hospital. Precariously walking around his roof looking a phone signal, he could not be any more vulnerable. She could have at least knocked the ladder down. It's just an uncharacteristic lapse by Loretta. It's push as the score remains 1-1.
Are there magazines that still sell subscriptions door to door anymore? In a few more years I suppose the better question would be are there even magazines anymore. Loretta wastes no time springing forward and denying Leroy even the sad pleasure of talking to a busty saleswoman as she exploits him into buying an unconscionable number of subscriptions. I'm pretty sure if any sexy Jehovah's Witnesses came by the house, Leroy would have eagerly converted. Loretta gets the point and takes a 2-1 lead.
I was wondering when the Lockhorns were going to acknowledge that other big Sunday Showdown going on this week. Leroy, being the overly broad caricature of the suburban American husband, is of course super into the Super Bowl; much to the chagrin of Loretta, the overly broad caricature of the suburban American wife. There was pretty much nothing Loretta could do prevent Leroy from enjoying himself today. He's even knocking back stimulants to watch all the pregame filler. All Loretta can do is take her lumps and wait for Valentines Day. Leroy earns the final point which means that the day unfortunately ends in a 2-2 push.