December 6, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Today's Sunday Showdown kicks off with the always terrifying sight of Loretta belting out the classics on the family piano, making Edith Bunker sound like Alicia Keys by comparison. Leroy instantly gives his trained Pavlovian response to Loretta's familiar shrill stimuli: a cutting remark. If only Leroy really could ship Loretta off to band camp, it would accomplish the dual goals of temporarily getting rid of Loretta and potentially teaching her some degree of musical ability. Alas, all Leroy can do is give his insults and collect his points. Leroy goes up 1-0.
  
• The latest edition of Leroy's tacky antique road show brings us this kitschy bear lamp. Loretta is more than ready to ruin Leroy's fleeting moment of happiness and satisfaction by once again criticizing his horrible aesthetic sensibilities. No doubt, Leroy's prized auction item will in the coming days be found "mysteriously" destroyed like many of his other favorite possessions a la "A Christmas Story". Loretta ties it up.
• We find ourselves skipping through the horror and bloodshed of another session at the marriage counselor's and straight to the eventual conclusion. With her massive head held up high, it appears that Loretta has won this battle in the endless war of attrition that is the Lockhorns' failed marriage. Thoroughly defeated for now, all Leroy can do is put in his grumbling complaints and hope for a more favorable outcome at the next visit. Loretta takes the lead 2-1.
• Every so often, one of the Lockhorns will cross the proverbial line in terms of their actions against the other; where their spite and cruelty goes beyond what is normally expected by even Lockhorn standards. This would appear to be such a situation. All poor Leroy wanted was his usual breakfast of whiskey loaded Irish coffee to dull the pain of his miserable existence; but Loretta sadistically denied him of even that. Take away his booze and what has the man got? How else can he get through the day? It's a downright ice cold move by Loretta. Loretta goes up 3-1.
• A look of actual happiness on Leroy's face? He must be drunk and dancing with a bimbo! While Leroy burns up the dance floor with his latest Amazonian conquest, Loretta turns to her trusted friend/sounding board to voice her latest complaint. Although it has cost him countless points all year long, Leroy just refuses to give up the giant bimbos. With this point Loretta puts the exclaimation point on this Sunday blowout 4-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 107
Loretta - 136
Push - 97