April 30, 2009

Loretta's zinger seems to be a little off here. What's the correlation between breaking a 100 and striking fear in anyone? I mean breaking 100 is an admirable goal for any amateur golfer, but most experienced players would want to shoot a little better than that; it's definitely not anything that would impress or shock anyone. Perhaps they played on the Black course at Bethpage, one of the most difficult courses in the world, where an amateur round under a 100 is something to admire. Of course I could just be reading far too much into what's probably just a generic "Leroy is bad at golf" joke. Match goes to Loretta.

Official Count:

Leroy - 32

Loretta - 44

Push - 44

April 29, 2009

It looks like the Lockhorns' perpetually worsening financial situation will force them to curtail their traveling plans. The immediate benefit coming out of this piece of new would be that this greatly reduces the odds of more scenes of the Lockhorns at the airport complaining about overly intrusive strip searches. However, will this mean there will possibly be a whole series of upcoming panels with Leroy and Loretta complaining about overly intrusive strip searches at the library? We continue to push on.

Official Count:

Leroy - 32

Loretta - 43

Push - 44

April 28, 2009

Ah the good Dr. Blog, always utilizing the "laughter is the best medicine" approach to treating his patients. While one might suspect Leroy is inquiring into the modern day use of medicinal leeches for complicated microsurgery, it's more likely that Leroy is just incredibly wary of "modern medicine" which entails any new fangled medical procedures developed after the development of the polio vaccine. In either case, Dr. Blog's wise cracks about the blood sucking nature of his collections department seems to be doing nothing to ease Leroy's excruciating pain. It's a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 32

Loretta - 43

Push - 43

April 27, 2009

It looks like Loretta just recently discovered this whole new "Internet" thing and from the looks of things there are just too many horrifying implications that could drawn from that broad statement. Just where does the computer take you Loretta? Any new emails on that AOL account? Did you manage to get the comic sans text up on your Anglefire website? What's the goings on over at the shopaholics anonymous forums? Are you tracking that Amazon order for commercial grade rat poison? Any responses from your "middle aged bbw w4m" casual encounters posting on craigslist? Have you uploaded that video file to the freakishly large foot fetish website yet? One place it has taken you thus far is to today's point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 32

Loretta - 43

Push - 42

April 26, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• I originally thought that the "Book Revue" was just an outdated generic term for a book store, but as it turned out, it's the name of an actual book store in the Lockhorns' native Long Island. Every time the Lockhorns enter a bookstore (well, basically any store) it becomes a footrace between them to drop a location specific insult on the other. Had Leroy been a step faster it very well could have been Leroy telling Loretta not to waste money on cookbooks instead of her insulting his inept home improvement skills and getting the point.
  
• If it wasn't for the caption, I would have sworn Leroy was suffering a major heart attack. He's got the look of unbearable pain in his chest and the numb looking right arm. The caption for that would have been something along the lines of Leroy suffering a heart attack because he saw Loretta' bill. Even if it wasn't a heart attack, Leroy's attempt to turn his minor ailment into a dig on Loretta's lifelong struggles with shopping addiction is still a winner. All tied up.
• Come on Loretta, really? The only thing? As someone who's been harping on his legendary cheapskate tendencies for all these decades, we both know that Leroy would take every possible "free" item from a hotel room that wasn't bolted down. How do think he manages to furnish the living room on his meager salary? Also, what exactly is the point of putting a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the inside door to your house? Push.
• It appears that the Lockhorns have again gotten so lost that they've managed to break free of the bonds of space and time. This time around, in an attempt to find some random bistro noted in a doctor's office manage, the Lockhorns have managed to travel back to a Depression Era dinner. If only Leroy would just swallow his pride and ask for some directions. Push to the future.
  
• Obviously the rotary phone, analog television owning Lockhorns are nowhere near tech savvy enough to be carrying multiple portable electronic gadgets and cellphones. I'm going to assume that they just spent 20 frustrating minutes attempting to turn off Leroy's beeper. With a 3 to 1 advantage, the day has turned out to be an overwhelming push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 32

Loretta - 42

Push - 42

April 25, 2009

It's a pretty safe bet to assume that Leroy, in stark contrast to his former, acid dropping, hippie radical friend, was pretty much the same conservative square wearing the same black trouser/colored polo shirt combo he sports everyday. Judging by the wistful look in his eyes, it appears he's overwhelmed with nostalgia and possible regret that he never got in with the counterculture generation and stood for some causes. The clothes could also be reminding him of those fading memories, which grow more and more distant day by day, of happiness as a single man before he got married to Loretta. And of course Loretta's right there with a handy fat joke to bring the point home.

Official Count:

Leroy - 32

Loretta - 42

Push - 41

April 24, 2009

Looks like the Lockhorns are hosting another one of their classy, alternate dimension, formal dinner parties again with Loretta providing the entertainment. The whole thing sort of takes on a perverse David Lynch-like quality; a landscape of monochromatic oblivion littered by a bunch of mysterious well dressed individuals vacantly staring at this hypnotically bizarre looking dwarfish figure incoherently singing and playing the piano. Taking Leroy's destructive criticism and abruptly smashing the piano at the end of her maddening set probably would have been the perfect exclamation point to this journey to into the frightening surreal. Leroy scores the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 32

Loretta - 41

Push - 41