November 6, 2011: Sunday Showdown!

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Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Leroy's continuing (and totally anachronistic) battle with home phone calling telemarketers reaches a new level of antagonism with Leroy attempting to cause physical damage to the poor random telemarketer via an air horn. While I agree with the sentiment, I think the air horn crosses the line as an appropriate response; that can really hurt somebody. I'd like to say that this is just a scene from the exaggerated world of the Lockhorns but there probably must have been at least one incident where that happened in real life. Loretta's chastising of Leroy isn't exactly an insult per se but it does point out Leroy's foible and is still enough to warrant a point. Loretta goes up 1-0.
• The Lockhorns move away from an outdated general complaint to an actually highly relevant one, constant delays at the airport. I don't really fly too often so I don't know if this is supposed to be a ridiculous request. I know the Lockhorns aren't ones for subtle humor. It seems reasonable and logical in my view. If a previous flight to the same location is so late that you are on time for it and it's not full, why not transfer? Additionally I think Leroy and Loretta should switch bags, his shoulder bag looks like a purse and her purse looks like a tiny suitcase. Push, 1-0 Loretta.
• I've seen a lot of disturbing and traumatizing sights covering the Lockhorns over the years and this horrifying image of Leroy straining to put on a tiny pair of pants ranks right up there. You just can't un-see this stuff afterwards. Judging by the grotesque strain that these, somehow still composed, pants are putting on Leroy and his utterly deluded, seemingly suicidal, compulsion to fit into them; there may be a chance that Leroy's stomach, liver, and pancreas may suffer severe damage. I'm sure Loretta will have a witty comment about that too if it happens. Loretta goes up 2-0.
• Telling Loretta to go faster? Does Leroy really want to go down this treacherous road? Did he not feel the chilly fall air that's been coming through the car sized hole in his living room this past week? For that matter, why is he even letting her drive right now? Is he trying in vain to give her driving lessons? Actually the issue of Loretta's driving speed is probably moot since her driving history has shown that she is, like the title of Ralph Nader's famous book, "unsafe at any speed" (which would have been a dynamite headline if this was a weekly panel). Also, I just noticed that neither of them are wearing seat belts. Carelessness or death wish? Leroy gets the point. It's still 2-1 Loretta.
• Sometimes I do enjoy some straightforward, unmitigated meanness from Loretta. She doesn't bother with any clever wordplay or biting observations or sardonic wit; she just ignores adjusting Leroy's alarm clock for daylight savings so he would be late waking up. This is about as subtle and nuanced as batting Leroy over the head with a club. This simple act of malice though will most likely net Loretta further points in the long run since Leroy's tardiness will hurt his status at work which will lead to lost promotions and raises for Loretta to ridicule in the future. I do wonder however, why it would appear Leroy is heading out to work on a Sunday; perhaps he has some important meeting with a client. Loretta rolls to another Sunday victory 3-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 103
Loretta - 124

Push - 83