October 31, 2009

The Lockhorns decided to celebrate Halloween by attending what they consider to be the most frightening and terrifying of events: a wedding. As usual the Lockhorns contribute to (i.e. ruin) the festivities by dispensing some experienced "marriage advice" to the newly weds which also double as indirect insults about the other Lockhorn. Today, it's Leroy who beats Loretta to the punch by breaking out one of his penal law and marriage analogies to an obviously uninterested groom. I'm thinking it'll probably be easy for the groom to forget everything about guilt and innocence because only the Lockhorns approach marriage as some sort of twisted criminal punishment. Leroy gets the point.

Also, this current wedding appears disturbingly similar to another wedding from July. I'm not about the rule out the possibility that the beady-eyed bride is some sort of black widow murderer with a taste for tall dark haired gentlemen.

Official Count:

Leroy - 94
Loretta - 119
Push - 91

October 30, 2009

Leroy and Loretta's humiliating payday ritual continues unabated. I don't even know why Leroy even bothers with bringing home his actual paycheck. He would save himself a lot of biweekly heartache and grief if he just switched to direct deposit. Even better, he could get that direct deposit into a secret personal account. While there would be no guarantee that Loretta wouldn't eventually find the account, it would still be preferable to his current routine of getting ambushed at the door, being belittled about his income, and then helplessly watching your wife recklessly drive off into the night to the local mall to spend all your money. Loretta wins.

Official Count:

Leroy - 93
Loretta - 119
Push - 91

October 29, 2009

Um...yeah...okay...I think we just found a winner for the most disgustingly disturbing Lockhorn panel thus far. The absolute last thing I needed to see this morning and to have traumatically branded into my brain for the rest of my life is the sight of a sore and haggard Leroy run ragged from a marathon session of masturbating to his recent discovery of Internet pornography, waxing nostalgic about the good old days when porn was only available in magazines. One can hardly hold down the bile in the back of the throat when considering the excessive amount of ogling and self pleasuring that went on to lead to such a myriad of physical pains. Just keep telling yourself that this scene is in reference to office work, if that'll help relieve some of the inevitable nightmares to come. I need to take a shower. Push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 93
Loretta - 118
Push - 91

October 28, 2009

Leroy has apparently crossed the line from being comically dim-witted to suffering from severe dementia; a fact that Loretta eagerly points out. It seems that the decades of excessive drinking at parties and malnutrition/poisoning attempts the dinner table have started to take their toll on Leroy's faculties. As Leroy's progressive disorder worsens and he begins to gradually lose his cognitive functions day by day; could this possibly be the opening of a whole new avenue of insults for Loretta to cruelly exploit? We'll have to just eagerly wait and see. For now though, it's Loretta with the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 93
Loretta - 118
Push - 90

October 27, 2009

Leroy shows off some of his new found confidence in his personal computer usage by correctly interpreting what Loretta's loud, shrill nagging would look be all caps if portrayed on a word processor. Loretta is obviously not amused (and perhaps even frustrated) by Leroy's use of such confusing and foreign technical jargon. I eagerly await and fear the day when Leroy gets so comfortable with the technology (perhaps when he learns to turn on the screen) that he'll start insulting Loretta in L337 speak ("Kekeke Loretta is teh uber n00b"). Leroy pwns.

Official Count:

Leroy - 93
Loretta - 117
Push - 90

October 26, 2009

Once again the Lockhorns find themselves victims of airline mismanagement (or possibly vengeance). However, this time around the loss of Leroy's luggage creates an unexpected windfall for Loretta. For Loretta this simple routing error has just banished an entire luggage case worth of Leroy's treasured, yet unbearably tacky threads to some far away locale. The always gracious Loretta emphatically thanks the airline employee for their mismanagement, which at the same time is obviously mocking Leroy's lack of fashion sense. Until the missing luggage can be location, it looks like Leroy will have to manage in his schlubby Magnum P.I. ensemble. Loretta continues her roll with another win.

Official Count:

Leroy - 92
Loretta - 117
Push - 90

October 25, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Has text messaging become so mainstream and commonplace that even the Lockhorns are finally utilizing it now? Didn't they just recently discover microwave ovens and the polio vaccine? Technically, Loretta shouldn't get the credit here for mocking Leroy's life long struggle with illiteracy, but I'm going to assume she immediately texted him back to tell him she ridiculed him in front of a friend. Loretta gets the first point.
• Loretta continues her blistering start to today's showdown by dealing Leroy a serious buzzkill after what was a rare memorably pleasant day on the links. This scene captures a fragile moment in time just before Loretta's demand for yard work registers with Leroy and his once beaming smile collapses like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge. Also, did Leroy steal an 8 year old's set of golf clubs? Is this what he considers having a "good golf game"? Loretta takes a commanding 2-0 lead.
• Leroy finally makes it onto the board by pulling off one of the rarest of mocking feats: the wordless insult. I'm almost tempted to give him an extra point for the sheer difficulty of the maneuver. I am, however, a little puzzled and disturbed as to how and when Leroy obtained a wall sized poster of Loretta's anachronistic Victorian era mother. Whatever he did or paid to get the picture, it was definitely well worth it. Leroy carves out a point.
• The Lockhorns seem to both understand that purchasing a comfortable bed for the guest room would be a big waste of money since it's highly unlikely that anyone would opt for an overnight visit to the Lockhorns. For all those poor guests and unwitting visitors that are unfortunate enough to have to spend a night at Casa Lockhorns, we now know that their sleeping arrangements will be just as uncomfortable and miserable as their interactions with their hosts. It's a push.
• While Leroy's frugal choice for dinner is mostly driven by his obvious insensitive cheapness, it's sadly also partially driven by the same issues with illiteracy that Loretta mocked earlier today. Leroy can easily make his food order by pointing to the crude drawings of the hot dog or the hamburger rather than suffer through the humiliating ordeal of attempting to read a restaurant menu. In either situation, Loretta will always be ready with a cruel rebuke. Loretta gets the point and takes the day 3 to 1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 92
Loretta - 116
Push - 90

October 24, 2009

I think it's pretty safe to assume that Leroy didn't forget how to ride a bike. What Leroy did forget however was to check the bike to see if Loretta hadn't sabotaged it before riding it. You would think after decades upon decades of near constant attempts on his life, those sort of safety precautions would be second nature to Leroy by now. It goes to show that in the hostile world of the Lockhorns' marriage one moment of complacency may be your last. One silver lining for Leroy in all this would be that for the rest of his stay in intensive care and for the long painful recovery process he'll get three square meals a day of delicious, non-poisonous, hospital food. Loretta scores the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 92
Loretta - 115
Push - 90

October 23, 2009

One shudders at the thought of what kind of horrifyingly disturbing item of blackmail Loretta has on Leroy to force him to buy her a selection from the local jeweler's. For the monstrously cruel Loretta the sadistic torture of extorting Leroy to spend his meager earnings on expensive jewelery for the person he despises with every fiber of his being isn't enough; she also has to humiliate him by joking with the jeweler about how cheap he is. The look of utter helplessness on Leroy's face is downright heartbreaking. A particularly vicious point for Loretta.

Official Count:

Leroy - 92
Loretta - 114
Push - 90

October 22, 2009

Just when we all thought that the Lockhorns' miserable marriage couldn't be anymore devoid of love and happiness, they manage to surprise us further still. In their depressing loveless union, the closest thing the Lockhorns have to mutual affection is their shared dislike of other things; but now it seems that even those shared aversions are starting to conflict. The Lockhorns' relationship is like a burned out star that's collapsing into itself as it becomes this unfathomably dark and infinitely powerful black hole of hate from which no form of love or even mutual agreement can escape. It's a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 92
Loretta - 113
Push - 90

October 21, 2009

Leroy mocks Loretta for tying up the phone with her prolific, uncontrollable gossiping. Oh how I pity the unfortunate soul who is trapped in conversation on the other line. Leroy even brought along an unwitting friend to act as an audience for his ridicule. To Loretta's defense, I'm not sure a vintage, 1970s era, olive green, wall mounted, kitchen phone has a call screening feature. Of course, it just maybe a vintage inspired, modern, wireless phone. I kind of hope it is; the disturbing alternative would mean that Loretta is maniacally talking into an unconnected phone. Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 92
Loretta - 113
Push - 89

October 20, 2009

Well, it has finally happened. After decades of agonizing failures and tantalizing near misses, Loretta has finally managed to kill Leroy! It's interesting to note that Loretta's countless attempts at mariticide have become such a common sight among her friends and neighbors that her red dress wearing companion can barely muster a reaction at her casual confession. Unfortunately Loretta, in her comparisons of Leroy and his dead uncle Carl, is more likely referring to Leroy's extremely sedentary lifestyle and to a lesser extent how dead he is emotionally on the inside, than his literal vital signs. But, we can all dream, can't we? Loretta gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 91
Loretta - 113
Push - 89

October 19, 2009

I find today's scene to be bafflingly ambiguous and non-specific. So the Lockhorns are calling the Internet a liar? I'd like to know in what respect have the Lockhorns' once innocent view of the world wide web been shattered forever. Did they suddenly find out about email spam? Did they become victims of a phishing site? Did they just realize that they've been IMing the whole time with Chris Hansen? From here it looks like they've been staring at a blank screen for hours and calling it "the Internet". Lack of punchline aside, the worst part of all this is fact that the Lockhorns are seated way too close to each other to not be fighting or arguing. This is practically a romantic date for them. It's a terrible push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 91
Loretta - 112
Push - 89

October 18, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• The Lockhorns find themselves learning yet another tough lesson about their financial situation around the big old timey table. Today the Lockhorns realize that they are so delinquent in their debt obligations that their creditors are emphasizing their demand letters with exclamation points. If those debt collectors think this approach is going to intimidate Loretta into exercising even a modicum of fiscal responsibility, they are sadly mistaken. Push!
• Two of Leroy's most distinguishing character traits, his propensity towards making groan inducing puns and his ridiculous cheapness, serendipitously come together in his suggestion of purchasing an insultingly inexpensive "gift" of a furnace filter that would literally aid in warming the house of the poor individual who made the mistake of extending a housewarming invitation to the Lockhorns. Weatherstripping would also work in this situation, but I think it's slightly more expensive than a furnace filter. Yet another push.
• Another carefully planned romantic wedding ruined by the Lockhorns' presence. At the most important moment of the day, when the bride and groom are finally joined in eternal matrimony, Loretta is suddenly compelled to remind the blue haired stranger sitting next to her about how terrible her own wedding was. Loretta proves once again that there is never an inappropriate time to insult Leroy. Loretta finally gets on the board.
• There are many ways to read Leroy's ambiguous comparison of Loretta's unappetizing meatloaf to CSI. Could he be comparing it to a similar meatloaf featured in a particular episode involving poisoning? Could be he likening the look and color of the meatloaf to be reminiscent of an autopsy scene? Perhaps he's implying that the food is as inedible as a tv show prop? Or maybe something about the meatloaf's consistency reminds him of Laurence Fishburne's face? I think it's open to every reader to draw their own conclusions. Leroy ties it up.
• Another swinging cocktail party finds Leroy falling completely off the wagon and into the eager waiting arms of a fun loving monstrous bimbo. Say what you want about Leroy's homeliness , advanced age, poor health, lack of personality, and substandard personal hygiene; he somehow always manages to attract those gigantic busty Amazons wherever he goes. Loretta is more than eager to give her comments about the situation by comparing Leroy to a child. Of course children aren't usually found drinking that much liquor. Loretta wins the point and the day 2-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 91
Loretta - 112
Push - 88

October 17, 2009

I don't know who's more offended by Leroy's comment: Loretta or America's major media news outlets. The obvious punchline is that Loretta's gossiping is so prodigious that she is actually on par with all the major news networks. However, perhaps Leroy is making a less than subtle criticism about the state of modern broadcast journalism; in that their supposedly unbiased and through reporting fails to rise above the level of Loretta's banal cocktail party gabbing. Either way, it's clear that Leroy has definitely beaten Loretta to the punch tonight; which is fortunate since she's probably making some comment about him right now. Leroy wins the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 91
Loretta - 111
Push - 88

October 16, 2009

It looks like the Lockhorns are at their local car dealer again find a replacement for yet another Loretta totaled auto. Behind them is one of those new freakishly disproportionate red coupes everyone's been talking about. Unfortunately Loretta's plan to kill two birds with one stone (trade in Leroy for a big discount on a new car) has been foiled by a couple of inconvenient facts: it's been two full months since the government "Cash for Clunkers" program was concluded and human beings were never eligible for trade-in under the program. At least Loretta got the opportunity to humiliate Leroy in front of a third party, always the highlight of her day. Loretta gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 90
Loretta - 111
Push - 88

October 15, 2009

Loretta is apparently tearing the house apart looking for some mysterious MacGuffin and all Leroy can offer in terms of aid is some cryptic nonsensical advice. I suspect, based on Leroy's oddly casual demeanor and well established history of antagonizing Loretta, that he is probably responsible for "losing" the item Loretta is looking for. My guess is that it's the keys to whatever car they're driving this week. Not only is he saving the household from financial ruin for another day, he is also saving the lives of every pedestrian and other motorist on the route to the mall. For that potential bit of heroism I think he deserves the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 90
Loretta - 110
Push - 88

October 14, 2009

Really Loretta? Did you really need to seek the counsel of a financial advisor to make you realize that you're living beyond your means? This is like going to the doctor to find out what gender you are. Did you ever consider that between Leroy's minimum wage earnings (that you constantly belittle him about) and your daily shopping binges that your household may possibly have been gaining a bit of a deficit? Remember all those depressing evenings at the big old timey table making sad, dark puns about how it seemed like you guys were a few more debt collection letters away from living out the rest of your miserable lives as penniless destitutes on the streets of Levittown? You may want to cut back on a few of those marathon trips to the local mall. It's a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 89
Loretta - 110
Push - 88

October 13, 2009

The Lockhorns appear to be involved in yet another one of their petty squabbles in the blank void they call their home. This disagreement is even pettier than usual as they seem to be arguing about remembering and forgetting mistakes, or something like that. Of course the one major mistake that both Lockhorns acknowledge and will never forget is their marriage. As for the day's winner, going by the fact that Loretta appears a lot more upset than Leroy, I'm going to have to give him the the point for the day.

Official Count:

Leroy - 89
Loretta - 110
Push - 87

October 12, 2009

This is clearly a case of Loretta resorting to flat out fabricated facts to facilitate her forced punchlines. Could anyone even imagine any circumstance where Leroy would ever saying that his love for Loretta was undying? Could anyone even imagine any circumstance where Leroy mentions "love" and "Loretta" in the same sentence without a negative qualifier in between? As to the subject of vital signs, I'm a little concerned about Leroy's vital signs as he looks a bit lifeless slumped in his chair. Has Loretta finally succeeded in successfully poisoning him? Only time will tell. While her comments may be based on a foundation of lies, but it's still an insult, Loretta gets the point.

Also, given the weird angle of the scene with Loretta and friend in the background and a slumbering Leroy in the foreground, doesn't it kind of look like Leroy's dreaming all this?

Official Count:

Leroy - 88
Loretta - 110
Push - 87

October 11, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Loretta nails a strike right down the middle with her deflating, double layered comment to Leroy about how the latest object of his ogling is literally and figuratively "out of his league". While according to Loretta it would seem that the beady eyed, buxom, blonde struggling to lift her bowling ball is on a rival league team, from here they all seem to be wearing the same uniforms. However, there is past evidence that would seem to suggest that everyone, from customers to employees, all dress like that at this bizarro bowling alley. Loretta jumps ahead 1-0.
• The good counselor Pullman finds himself in an all too familiar position: desperately trying in vain to restrain the Lockhorns from physical violence. In today's session, the counselor's mere suggestion of a common trust exercise has turned into tense standoff between the Lockhorns over who will get the first opportunity to cripple the other one. The clenched fists seem to indicate that the rock, papper, scissors showdown will quickly escalate into straight up fisticuffs. Sadly, this can be considered one of the Lockhorns' more productive sessions. It's a push.
• The Lockhorns find themselves window shopping in front of Franklyn Furs on Jericho Turnpike in Syosset. Loretta pulls off a deft reversal of Leroy's facetious animal rights excuse for ending the conversation about purchasing an expensive fur coat by calling him out on his bluff and threatening to make all his future meals out of tofu. Of course, given Loretta's notoriously terrible cooking skills, the promise of any future meals would be threat enough. If Leroy was a little sharper he would have responded by mentioning how if she went through with her threatened tofu meals, it would actually be the first time she prepared a meal with real, edible food. Alas, Leroy misses his opportunity and Loretta goes up by 2.
• In an extremely rare showing of cooperation and general lack of animosity, the Lockhorns appear to be actually working together to accomplish a shared task. There aren't any snide comments, or spiteful backstabbing, or angry scowls. It seems Leroy and Loretta's shared melancholy at the remorseless march of time and the bleak realities of the autumn years of their lives has somehow led to a brief, fleeting ceasefire in their never ending domestic war of attrition. A shocking and unexpected push.
• Leroy manages to find an unexpected silver lining to being stuck in a slow moving line at the local DMV, missing an apppointment with Dr. Blog. Can you really blame him for being so enthusiastic about missing another session of indifferent malpractice at the hands of that butcher? Leroy will gladly take a frustrating day at the DMV over a doctor's visit anyday. Unfortunately, Leroy's enthusiasm doesn't appear to contagious as fellow queue member Wilford Brimley remains unamused. With that second consecutive push, Loretta coasts to a shut out Sunday victory 2 to 0.
  

Official Count:

Leroy - 88
Loretta - 109
Push - 87

October 10, 2009

Leroy literally pays the price for his brief lapse in vigilance while shopping with Loretta at the mall. While he can't completely prevent Loretta from running up large orders, Leroy does his best when accompanying her to mitigate the severity of her shopping splurges. However, even the most momentary loss of visual contact will result in large debts. It's really sort of an exercise in futility, like trying to stop a flood with a bucket, but Leroy has to be make some effort over just letting the red ink wash over him. Loretta gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 88
Loretta - 108
Push - 87

October 9, 2009

The always antagonistic Leroy ruins the Ice Capades for Loretta, all the other spectators, and their children by engaging in some implied on-ice altercation with the performers. Leroy scores a double victory with his inappropriate behavior: he spoils Loretta's precious plans for a night out and most likely has gotten the Lockhorns permanently banned from Nassau Coliseum, thus avoiding future trips to the Ice Capades. For his on ice actions Leroy scores a point; which is something that New York Islanders fans haven't seen too much of from the team at the Coliseum over the last few years.

Official Count:

Leroy - 88
Loretta - 107
Push - 87

October 8, 2009

Leroy responds to Loretta's nagging attacks about his obscenely slothful existence by sharing disgusting details about his struggles with his ever enlarging prostate. This is definitely a horrific example of too much information being given by Leroy. We are all familiar with Leroy's poor state of health and that he suffers from every physical ailment and chronic health problem that an inactive, alcoholic, middle aged man who is frequently fed poison would suffer. We don't need the gruesome details about his "going problem". Awfulness aside, Leroy still gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 87
Loretta - 107
Push - 87

October 7, 2009

For the Lockhorns, trips to the local bank are grim, somber affairs, with every visit leading to an unavoidable reminder of the dire state of their personal finances. To break up the melancholy, Loretta cracks a terribly dated observational humor bit about bank pens that seems straight out out of an early 80s open mike night at the Improv. Not surprisingly, her joke somehow seems to have made everyone even sadder. If Loretta really does have some beef against chained bank pens, perhaps she should switch to TD Bank (formerly Commerce Bank) where the pens have always been free and plentiful. The same however cannot be said about the number of quality insults today's scene, it's a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 86
Loretta - 107
Push - 87

October 6, 2009

For Leroy to start getting back in this race, he needs to step things up like today on the generally under utilized sexist front; there are only so many rotten meals left for Loretta to cook. Along with the revolving cast of cars they drive, it now seems that the Lockhorns also have a complete lack of continuity when it comes to their home televisions. How did Leroy, with his laughably meager salary and shopaholic spouse, ever find the funds to buy a massive, wall sized flat screen that's as tall as Loretta? It almost looks like he's staring at a painting of a beach volleyball player. Whatever the cost may have been, it has already paid for itself by helping getting Leroy a point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 86
Loretta - 107
Push - 86

October 5, 2009

It's no surprise that one of the rare times we actually witness Leroy being industrious and productive is when he's working towards facilitating his raging alcoholism. I'm surprised that the Lockhorns home isn't filled with homemade liquor cabinets at every turn, considering such craft projects provide Leroy with both an opportunity to make his drinking more convenient and give him an opportunity to escape from Loretta's omnipresent nagging. Loretta recognizes this and promptly invades his solitude by coming in with her friend and reminding him of his terrible affliction. Loretta scores the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 85
Loretta - 107
Push - 86

October 4, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• While we've usually caught the Lockhorns in the midst of their futile marriage counseling sessions, today's panel gives us a peek at how their sessions usually end. Counselor Pullman is so jaded to the whole routine that he makes Loretta-esque puns while asking his secretary (who may also be the same beady eyed receptionist for the Lockhorn's physician, Dr. Blog) to hit the usual hot line to the police department. All in a worthless day's work for the good counselor. It's a push.
• For someone that can't figure out simple modern innovations like dvd players and microwaves, I find it quite unbelievable that Leroy actually owns a actual cellular phone let alone has figured out how to set up and maintain a Twitter account (is this also being part of the "anti-social" network?). In the back of my mind I suspect he's just punching random numbers into his tip calculator. Loretta gets the point and goes up 1-0 as she repeats the most obvious joke ever made about Twitter.
• You really can't argue with air tight logic like that. Leroy mixes up a nice, smooth cocktail of laziness and sexism to really get under Loretta's skin. He gets extra props for the laid back style of his delivery; no need for him to even get off the recliner. He should, however, realize that while the reclined position is great for emphasizing his point, it still leaves him quite open and vulnerable to Loretta's fist in his stomach. Leroy ties it up 1-1.
• The moment when Loretta comes back from food shopping is one of Leroy's few opportunities to salvage unprepared food stuffs before they become ruined by Loretta's cooking. While feverishly searching through the shopping bags for editable sustenance, Loretta drops of a hammer of disappointment on him by confiscating the cookies. As further punishment, Loretta will no doubt make them especially inedible when incorporating them into one of her signature dishes. Loretta gets the point.
• If countless pedestrians and other motorists haven't managed to avoid their demise at the hands of Loretta's reckless driving, what hope do immobile trees have? This is obviously some hyperbole to emphasize how dangerous a driving Loretta is to every living thing in the world. Leroy secretly hopes for the day when a particularly larger tree fails to swerve out of Loretta's way and the roads are once again safe for all plants and animals. Leroy knots it up at 2-2, forcing the push for the day.
  

Official Count:

Leroy - 85
Loretta - 106
Push - 86

October 3, 2009

Apparently it was "Bring Your Unhappy, Bald, Middle Aged Husband Day" at the local multiplex. Loretta deftly recognizes the potential for the additional humiliation a public insult with an audience would provide and goes in for the kill. She shatters Leroy's inflated sense of self importance and misguided righteous indignation by coldly making him realize his own hideous hypocrisy. Two hours in a cramped movie theater with the bickering Lockhorns; I'm rating this one R for adult situations, language, and violence...terrible, terrible violence. Loretta takes the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 85
Loretta - 106
Push - 85

October 2, 2009

As usual Loretta serves up dinner while Leroy serves up the insults. While Leroy's criticism about the Jell-O-like properties of Loretta's mashed potatoes is sufficiently gross and horrifying; relative to the usual complaints Loretta receives, this is can actually be considered an improvement. Usually Leroy's critiques of Loretta's cooking range from "deadly poisonous" to "uncategorizable as food". Today, the main thrust of Leroy's comment about the food is about the form and consistency rather than more substantive elements like taste and toxicity. The food even looks like mashed potatoes, at least color wise. However, before we start handing out blue ribbons, let's keep in mind that it's still pretty terrible. Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 85
Loretta - 105
Push - 85

October 1, 2009

While waiting for Leroy to finish his examination by Dr. Blog, Loretta makes a dazzlingly clever pun based off of the food pyramid. Unfortunately, neither the good doctor, nor Leroy seem amused in the slightest. Given Dr. Blog's long established reputation as an ineffective, borderline incompetent, physician who is unambiguously in the pocket of Leroy's unscrupulous health care provider, it's no surprise that he employs a completely outdated poster of the food pyramid. The possibility that Loretta is getting erroneous, outdated information about personal nutrition however is irrelevant since nothing Loretta cooks can be categorized as food (an insult opportunity missed by Leroy). Loretta gets in the fat joke and the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 84
Loretta - 105
Push - 85