May 31, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• On its face, this scene is supposed to be a humorous demonstration of Leroy's ineptitude at doing handy jobs around the house. It could also be read to show the hopelessly outdated Leroy's laughable struggles with such "modern" task like changing a print cartridge. However, based on the sadistic look of joy on Loretta's face during her query, it's obvious she booby trapped the cartridge with an explosive dye pack. Loretta goes up one.
  
• While it may seem that Leroy's comments about Loretta's reckless driving could possibly be construed as a shocking display of concern for her well being, it's really more for the car (vintage, cherry red, Plymouth Acclaims are a rare find) and the wave of civil suits that'll no doubt be brought by families of the dozens of bystanders she will mow down on her way to the mall. Leroy gets the point.
• None of this makes any sense. Why would Leroy's 3rd grade teacher call decades upon decades later for a book report? Is that the book report in his hands? If the point of this scene is supposed to show that Leroy is stupid or bad at school, it sure does a poor (and quite confusing) job of it. Maybe it's implying that Leroy is currently attending the third grade in some sort of Billy Madison-esque scheme to repeat his primary school education? A confusing push for everyone.
• Not only is the good doctor Blog's nurse unbelievably creepy looking with her freakish button eyes and her gigantic, omnipresent, criminally insane, smile; but it seems that she also takes sick personal pleasure in taunting the Lockhorns. She could have just told them that their health plan didn't apply rather than cruelly pointing to the "alternative options" on an obviously blank piece of paper. Push.
• The mystery of how Leroy remains plump and alive despite being served a daily diet of inedible (frequently poisoned) culinary disasters may be solved. His main source of sustenance appears to be all the words that Loretta shoves into it. Judging by Leroy's physique, Loretta's words contain a lot of transfats and empty calories. Despite the diet, Leroy manages to get a few of his words in and wins the point and the day with a close 2-1 victory.

Official Count:
Leroy - 43
Loretta - 54
Push - 54

May 30, 2009

These shots of the Lockhorns sheepishly walking out of another cocktail party they've been expelled from have become so frequent that I think I should start considering them to be their own category, like Loretta being pulled over by a cop or Leroy looking depressed at the mall. While I don't care enough to shift through the previous 5 months of posted scenes, I have a strong suspicion that this is just a straight up repeat of a past scene with different captions. As for this scene in particular, Loretta may be getting the final word in but Leroy is really the underlying winner for embarrassing Loretta and thwarting her futile attempts to climb up that Levittown social ladder. Leroy scores again.

Official Count:
Leroy - 42
Loretta - 54
Push - 54

May 29, 2009

In the warped, twisted world of the Lockhorns, this is about as close as one of them gets to a genuinely thoughtful gesture. Even though Leroy's ultimate goal is to purchase something that will disappoint Loretta, the fact that he is even in a jewelry store contemplating the purchase of something of actual tangible value can be considered as close as it gets to a grand romantic gesture. However, based on Leroy's lack of earning power and his legendary frugality, Leroy may be better served by the kind of jeweler that keeps his inventory in the lining of his jacket rather than a fancy four walled store. I eagerly await Loretta's sad reaction when she gets her "gift". Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 41
Loretta - 54
Push - 54

May 28, 2009

Loretta makes some bold strides into the 21st century by purchasing and learning to use a digital camera. She has even gained enough proficiency with it to incorporate it into her daily pursuit of irritating Leroy. Unfortunately, Leroy, ever the reactionary, is angered and confused at this bizarre metallic device that has apparently captured his soul. Speaking of photography, in great contrast to 99% of their other scenes which are long shots, this rare medium shot of the Lockhorns from the waist up is totally freaking me out. Loretta scores the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 40
Loretta - 54
Push - 54

May 27, 2009

Judging by Loretta's look of utter defeat and despondency, it would seem that she suddenly realized a few other sad, inescapable facts in addition to her clothes being merely outdated. Perhaps she had an epiphany about her faded looks, her empty suburban existence, her hopeless addiction to shopping, or her ongoing unhappy marriage to a feckless idiot husband. Leroy really had his pick of the bunch, but it seems he went with the least depressing realization so as to not make things even more awkward with his curious friend. Despite the slightly restrained effort, Leroy still earns the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 40
Loretta - 53
Push - 54

May 26, 2009

Is there a joke in here somewhere? I mean, isn't that what the Lockhorns are supposed to be about? Aren't we supposed to find something ostensibly humorous in the daily scenes of negativity and misfortune in their lives? Even after reading an entire wikipedia article on the common carpenter ant, I still am not sure what the punchline is. My only guess is that carpenter ants can easily be eliminated by exterminators but this rather unscrupulous professional (like all professionals that the Lockhorns deal with) is attempting to take advantage of the Lockhorns by not fully exterminating the ants and insuring himself another job? Can't we just go back to more scenes of Loretta burning the roast or Leroy hitting on other women at parties? Push, push, push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 39
Loretta - 53
Push - 54

May 25, 2009

Quite a disturbing sight indeed. It seems that the Lockhorns' simmering marital tensions have escalated beyond the point of catty digs and cruel jokes and have manifested into a spontaneous arm wrestling competition! Leroy's observation about their relationship is a massive understatement. It should be more along the lines of "have you noticed that our relationship has gone from merely hate-filled to completely demented?" Leroy doesn't stand a chance, that's Loretta's credit card using arm. Since there's no decision, I have to call it a push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 39
Loretta - 53
Push - 53

May 24, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• It looks like Leroy has really hit the sauce hard at the recent cocktail party. He's cutting a rug with a random bimbo and he's rocking the lampshade hat (how did this become the universal symbol for out of control social drunkenness? Has anybody ever been to a wild party where somebody put a lampshade over their head?). Loretta's comment not only points out Leroy's embarrassing immaturity but it also seems to indicate that she prefers "Supernanny" to "Nanny 911" in terms of nanny based reality shows. Score one for Loretta.
• The complaint is an obvious dig on Leroy's perpetual lack of earning power but it comes off a little forced. Outside of organized crime households and the bedrooms of radical anti-government militia members, I imagine few people keep large sums of hard currency stuffed in their mattresses. Then again having lived through the Great Depression, perhaps the Lockhorns are more than a little wary of putting their money in banks. Loretta goes two up.
• This scene is supposed to juxtapose outdated Leroy and his obsolete print media with a modern tech savvy individual. Unfortunately, in the world of the Lockhorns "modern tech savvy individual" means some weirdo from the early 1980s carrying what appears to be a calculator. Of course to Leroy, the man still might as well be a time traveler from the distant future. It's a push.
• Wow Loretta; pretty harsh! Going back to the reality TV based insult well, Loretta pulls no punches with a completely unsubtle indictment of Leroy. Considering the show has been on the air since 2004, I'm surprised it has taken this long for her to realize the obvious potential of the title. Poor Leroy, the only person who has it worse than him at this moment is that unfortunate brunette lady being forced to watch TV with them. Loretta turns it into a runaway with her third point.
• Yes even the simple act of making a salad is not immune to Loretta's dangerously poor culinary abilities. Whether the act of switching the olive oil with motor oil was intentional or accidental, both demonstrate unbelievable ineptitude as a poisoner and as a cook. Although Leroy can't rely on it for any sustenance, Loretta's "cooking" will always give him a steady diet of material to insult her with. Despite getting the rubber game, Loretta rolls over this Sunday with a 3-1 victory.

Official Count:
Leroy - 39
Loretta - 53
Push - 52

May 23, 2009

Leroy's devotion to being a Philistine seems to border on the fanatical. It seems that any sort of high art, intellectual content, and even beauty itself is considered by him to be a worthless waste of time and effort. I suspect that this attitude isn't just solely the result of his general slobbery. The fact that all these operas and museum trips are associated with Loretta have to factor in as well. Then again, can we really fault Leroy for not finding the art all that compelling at the local Target? Three straight points for Leroy.

Official Count:
Leroy - 39
Loretta - 52
Push - 52

May 22, 2009

Marriage counselor Pullman interrupts his usual routine of professional apathy and jokes about his exorbitant rates to help Leroy throw down a sweet double team smack down on Loretta. Once again Pullman demonstrates that when it comes to certain issues he's still "bros before hoes". Loretta, you may attempt to poison Leroy every night with your inedible dinners or crash the family car with the your reckless driving or bankrupt the household with your out of control spending, but you don't change the channel in a bases loaded situation. That alien-looking expression on Leroy's face is about as close as he can get to a smile of satisfaction and victory. I can imagine there being a spontaneous high five between Leroy and Pullman immediately after this scene. One sweet point for Leroy, assist to the counselor.

Official Count:
Leroy - 38
Loretta - 52
Push - 52

May 21, 2009

Good one, Leroy. I would have also accepted "wifearchy" and "wifetatership". Despite the implication that his wife is controlling his life, in today's scene he seems to be doing a fine job of completely ignoring a screaming Loretta. So while he may live in a wifeocracy, he seems to be some sort of rebellious wifearchist. Also, is there any need for Loretta to be screaming at the top of her lungs when Leroy is about five feet away? Actually from the looks of things I suspect that Loretta may be stuck in an alternate universe phantom zone where her shouts for help can't be heard by those nearby. Either way Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 37
Loretta - 52
Push - 52

May 20, 2009

The infamous caption box returns once again to the world of the Lockhorns. I'm not as against the box as most Lockhorns purists (I know you're out there), but I feel it's better served in scenes where there's a big gaping void to one side. In my opinion, things are just far too cluttered in this scene already without a big box of words in the corner. If only Loretta knew that the very construction project that Leroy is so ineptly attempting is actually a crudely constructed wood coffin for which to bury her in (alive or dead, depending on the circumstances). Still, until that faithful day comes, Loretta gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 36
Loretta - 52
Push - 52

May 19, 2009

Today the Lockhorns apply their rapier wit at criticizing the high cost of prescription drugs. To the defense of the pharmacist anyone who needs to purchase enough drugs to satisfy Leroy's daily cocktail of anti-depressants, high blood pressure medication, prescription strength painkillers, and anti-balding pills, will likely find themselves low on funds. Why else do you think Leroy would put up with the dangerous incompetence and total callousness of his personal physician Dr. Blog? He's the only doctor around that would recklessly write up so many frivolous prescriptions with no concern for the safety of the patient. Seeing as how Loretta remains unscathed through the whole scene, this is a push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 36
Loretta - 51
Push - 52

May 18, 2009

It's definitely for the best for everyone involved that Leroy and Loretta remain separated during the general workday. For both parties, Leroy's daily grind to the office is a welcome respite from their perpetual domestic hell. Once you take that 40 hours to so a week away, you've got yourself an increasingly dangerous situation where the Lockhorns are spending all their time together. I'm pretty sure the whole thing has the potential to end in some sort of gruesome murder-suicide. Also it seems that Leroy hasn't fully gotten the hang of this new fangled "telecommuting" business since he dressed up and packed his briefcase to work from home. The point goes to Loretta.

Official Count:
Leroy - 36
Loretta - 51
Push - 51

May 17, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Once again Loretta's plan to poison Leroy has been discovered. It seems that her efforts are just getting cruder and sloppier with every failed attempt. She doesn't even seem to bother anymore with trying to subtly mix in the poison or foreign substance. She's now just straight up throwing in things like rope and fabric in the hopes that Leroy chokes on it or it causes from sort of fatal damage to his internal organs. Leroy continues to live and scores the point.
• Leroy scores another point with a deft cutting comment about Loretta's "nagging" cough. I think the whole thing genuinely caught Loretta off guard. Little did she expect that her persistent coughing would be setting her up for a classic fall. Of course, she's been in this relationship long enough to know that the best time for an insult is always when the other is sick and vulnerable. Leroy goes up two.
• I'm not really sure what modern day ill this scene is supposed to be commenting on. Are contemporary book stores constantly lying to us about the truthfulness of their books? I just hope that the Lockhorns are at least in the non-fiction area of the bookstore, otherwise I'd be even more confused. Push.
• Loretta's uncontrollable shopping dementia has reached such monstrous dimensions that she's willing to run over and kill a traffic officer in cold blood just so she can get to her store destination faster. Fortunately for our mustachioed officer, Loretta is not actually driving this time. Otherwise we'd basically be looking at a combination "Loretta's a shopaholic/Loretta can't drive" scenario involving vehicular homicide. I'm going to have to rule this one a push.
• Loretta manages a subtle snipe at Leroy while maintaining a holding pattern around him at the cocktail party. It's evident from the disinterested look on the face of that slightly evil looking mustachioed bald man that Leroy has no ideas worth humoring. No doubt that, shortly after this scene, Leroy will get the whole couple kicked out after inciting another argument. Loretta gets the point, but it's too little too late as Leroy takes the day 2-1.

Official Count:
Leroy - 36
Loretta - 50
Push - 51

May 16, 2009

Loretta's joke seems slightly out of sync with the current situation. Obviously Leroy is making a sad spectacle of himself by going overboard with the cocktails at the party, but Loretta's comments about his idiocy rather than his obvious drinking problem. It was gold opportunity to break out the drinking insults considering how unusually drunk he was tonight. I think Leroy's parents' conversation in front of him would probably go along the lines of "Gee, I'm worried about Leroy's out of control A-L-C-O-H-O-L-I-S-M. Perhaps we should look into sending him into R-E-H-A-B. " Loretta hits an even fifty with that point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 35
Loretta - 50
Push - 51

May 15, 2009

Well if Leroy had a "Best By" date, it's obvious he went rancid and curdled decades ago. It's actually a pretty apt analogy considering how rotten and dead on the inside he is. The man can barely keep his head up while manning the cart. The empty car seems to indicate that it hasn't even been a long time; they've just arrived at the store. All he can do most of the time is to just stares at his watch contemplating when that wonderful day will come when the cool, relieving hand of death will take him away from his endless daily misery. I'm sure Loretta's food shopping list will happily oblige to accelerate that request. Loretta scores the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 35
Loretta - 49
Push - 51

May 14, 2009

Is it just me or does the out of whack visual perspective of this scene seem to indicate that the Lockhorns are either sitting right up front in their little bath tub shaped balcony or they're watching a performance of freakish giants. Well, in any case, it's another night at the opera for Loretta ruined by Leroy's lack of sophistication. She must suffer from some sort of delusion where she thinks that enough agonizing nights at the theater will eventually lead to Leroy developing some sort of appreciation for it. It's quite sad really, sort of like battered housewives who think they can change their man...except with operas. Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:
Leroy - 35
Loretta - 48
Push - 51

May 13, 2009

Jeez Leroy, you've got to start treating yourself a little better man! You look like you've just come back from the Bataan Death March. Loretta, being the stone cold pro that she is, wastes no time in taking advantage of Leroy in his completely compromised state of near fatal exhaustion and shooting off her zinger, to the mute shock of her friend. The additional insult to injury for Leroy is that apparently he didn't even get to catch the ice cream man to justify his excessive exertion. Perhaps he can get some measure of revenge by vomiting on the aqua carpet.

Official Count:
Leroy - 34
Loretta - 48
Push - 51

May 12, 2009

We all know that the inherent humor of the Lockhorns is ostensibly drawn from their uniquely dysfunctional personal, social, and professional lives. We take daily delight in the steady barrage of insults and slights that Leroy and Loretta receive from each other and from society as a whole. With that being said, this has got to be the single most depressing Lockhorns panel I have ever come across. There's no clever joke or witty observation or satisfying burn to be found anywhere. Quite frankly this is just a sad portrait of a man, completely been defeated by life, acknowledging the loss of the last shred of innocent hope and youthful optimism he once had in abundance. Who just says cryptic comments like that in social situations? Is Leroy suffering from a terminal illness? Has he finally gotten enough courage to end it all? He might as well have said "rosebud" and keeled over. What a push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 34
Loretta - 47
Push - 51

May 11, 2009

Oh, silly nurse/receptionist, you know as much as anyone that accessing an Internet health site is far beyond the technological capabilities of the Lockhorns. They're only now just starting to learn the ins and outs of sending "e-mail" on their dial up AOL account. Just look at the double blank stares of Leroy and Loretta in response to this baffling question. Of course they could also just be hypnotically transfixed and distracted by your soulless beady eyes and gaping horse-like mouth. With that we're pushing fifty.

Official Count:
Leroy - 34
Loretta - 47
Push - 50

May 10, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• She may be insinuating that Leroy hog the covers. She may also be insinuating that until they can afford separate beds, she wants to prevent any possibility, regardless of how remote, of there being any physical contact between the two. I think it's safe to say that we are all for this arrangement. Loretta draws first blood.
  
• I wouldn't really call it a spin-off, but rather more a totally ridiculous mash up of two completely different format shows from different networks. Did anyone else notice that the Lockhorns have just as many discontinuities when it comes to the televisions they own as with the cars they drive? Judging by their various models of out of date, hulking, analog, big screens, the Lockhorns appear pretty ill equipped for the final digital transition in June. Looks like a push.
  
• Is this really what the Lockhorn's kitchen dinning area looks like or are they going on a date to a Walmart break room? That stark, all-caps, gigantic Think Thin!" poster really gives a disturbing view into the raging insecurities and body image problems of both Lockhorns. Also, in the world of the Lockhorns, "Think Thin!" seems to mean more "Think Thin With Fat Disproportionate Heads!" Lets push away from this unsettling scene.
  
• I know Loretta's comment about Leroy's failure to graduate from home school as a valedictorian is suppose to show that Leroy is a dim bulb, but for this joke to work we have to assume he's an only child. Maybe Leroy has a successful twin brother Leon who has both a successful marriage and career. Or maybe he's the middle child of 8 siblings. It would be more consistent with the kind of household that would turn to home schooling. But, we're just over thinking it, Loretta scores the point.
• Wouldn't arranging for a private flight on a vintage World War I bi-plane be significantly more expensive then booking a legitimate couch ticket on Orbitz? While Leroy's motivation to go with Ed's Air Travel appears to be ostensibly driven by his trademark frugality, he could also be motivated by the prospect of bypassing the invasive cavity searches by airport security that the Lockhorns seem to be singled out for every time they fly. The point goes to Loretta for pointing out the cheapness. It's a 3 - 0 sweep!

Official Count:
Leroy - 34
Loretta - 47
Push - 49

May 9, 2009

In today's panel Leroy is displaying downright Costanzaesque levels of obsessive, out of control, spite. I'm going to assume this is the eventual aftermath of the ill-fated invitation to the Lenharts' party they received just over a month ago. I find it a bit incongruous that Leroy, a man whose entire life is basically devoted to receiving and delivering insults, was at a loss for a comeback when being zinged at the Lenharts. Was he distracted by the sight of a Amazonian model across the room? Was he just too intoxicated on highballs to respond adequately? Or perhaps he was too busy fielding a quip from Loretta to give a proper comeback. Whatever the case may be, Lenhart better watch out. Unfortunately, since none of this precious hatred is being directed at either Lockhorn, I'm going to have to rule this a push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 34
Loretta - 46
Push - 49

May 8, 2009

You know your relationship isn't going well when all you do is snipe and insult each during every single waking moment of your lives. Understatement aside, going by my experience with the 'Lifetime Channel" over the years, if their relationship were really like a Lifetime Original Movie it would involve a lot of domestic abuse at the hands of Leroy, a lot of crying in the shower, and Loretta emerging from it as a strong independent female; there might also be a pregnant teen involved in there somewhere. Casting wise I'd go with James Gandolfini as Leroy and Camryn Manheim as Loretta. The point goes to Leroy.

Official Count:
Leroy - 34
Loretta - 46
Push - 48

May 7, 2009

Loretta is really going for the jugular by exploiting Leroy's deep seated insecurities about his ever fading looks. Of all the facets of Leroy's life that Loretta attacks on a daily basis, I always feel like the cracks about the looks are the ones that really cut straight to the bone. Here's Leroy looking completely defeated and vulnerable, seeking any sort of positive reassurance or encouragement, and there's Loretta at the door turning the knife ever so enthusiastically. Sure it's an emphatic slam dunk of a point for Loretta but I still can't help feeling a little sad for poor fat, balding, Leroy.

Official Count:
Leroy - 33
Loretta - 46
Push - 48

May 6, 2009

Another credit card, another mountain of debt for the Lockhorns to bury themselves under. All Leroy can do while Loretta mortgages their future once again by opening a new card with some fly by night credit card company/phishing scam (what reputable credit card provider would actually offer Loretta a card based on her dismal score) is to make snide remarks to his friend Ernst Stavro Blofeld. It's a borderline case, but I'm still going to award the point to Leroy. Perhaps this will be the first step towards getting out of his recent slump.

Official Count:
Leroy - 33
Loretta - 45
Push - 48

May 5, 2009

To my great relief, and to the great relief of the greater Lockhorns Nation, the failed quote box experiment of 2009 was just a one time aberration. However, we can all learn a valuable lesson from this experience: you really don't know what you've got until it's gone. Here's to living outside the box.

With that said, it appears that the Lockhorns are back "trying to work things out" at marriage counselor Pullman's office. While I once pitied Pullman for having to constantly deal with this toxic wreck of a marriage, the fact that he gets a steady $175 an hour rate just to sit back and give random futile attempts at improving the Lockhorns situation is a pretty good deal. I've noticed that every licensed professional the Lockhorns run across, whether it be doctor, lawyer, etc., is totally candid and unrepentant about charging the Lockhorns an arm and a leg for their services. I guess if you're as intolerable as the Lockhorns you have to pay an extra premium for any sort of human interaction. Push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 32
Loretta - 45
Push - 48

May 4, 2009

Really any observation about that's going on in the scene is inconsequential compared to the disturbing and totally unexplainable appearance of the quote in the box. Was there just no room on the bottom of the picture anymore? Is this going to be format of all future Lockhorns panels? What's next, thought bubbles? This is all so new and completely baffling. Also, I think Leroy is definitely in need glasses based on the sight of him strenuously squinting directly in front of his television, trying to read the title of the show which is in huge solid black letters. Let's just rule this a push, move on with the rest of our day, and hope for the best tomorrow.

Official Count:
Leroy - 32
Loretta - 45
Push - 47

May 3, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• For such an unhappy couple imprisoned by the modern trappings of suburbia, the Lockhorns sure have a wide variety of hobbies. Today we find the Lockhorns out on the local pond engaging in same duck hunting. While Loretta claims its the inadequacy of Leroy's duck calls that's preventing any duck sightings, I think the loud stripes and bright green bandanna of her ensemble may be tipping the fowl. While Loretta obviously wins this round, judging by the look in his eye and his loaded shotgun, he may end up the true victor when he returns back to shore with an empty boat.
• Apparently the latest Redbook was running a "Is Your Husband A Pennypinching, Fat Balding, Obnoxious, Moron?". This is another case of Leroy being such a disappointing husband/companion/general human being that he actually wins by virtue of annoying/disgusting Loretta into submission. It's a bold gambit. Keep and keeping on Leroy, you're doing fine.
• Wait, wait a minute. Lorreta is making fun of Leroy for his expensive purchases? Have I stumbled into some backwards bizarro world where white is black and people say hello when they leave? This would be like Leroy giving Loretta advice on how to be more personable with people at parties. Plus, considering the Lockhorns' monstrously large and misshapen feet forces them to get their shoes specially ordered from select big and tall stores, $150 for a sweet pair of designer Chuck Taylors isn't all that exorbitant. However, an insults an insult, Loretta takes the lead.
• I know this exaggerated scene of Leroy framing his no student loan notice is suppose to show how frugal Leroy is and how he values the fact that he paid off his student debts on par his college education, but frankly I'd probably do the same thing. If the day ever comes when I finally pay off the tens of thousands of dollars in debt accumulated over four years of undergrad and three years of law school, you better believe I'm framing that sucker, maybe even throw a "No More Loans" Party. It looks like a push.
  
• Does anybody have any idea how the phrase "untold wealth" comes up during a casual after dinner conversation? Loretta's got to be setting these situations up by steering the conversation to a select group of phrases that she's prepared and practiced hours before the guests arrive. This may be a partial explanation for her substandard cooking, she devotes far too much of her cooking time to thinking up the eventual after meal puns and one liners. Sure it makes her a bad cook, but it certainly gets her points. And with that Loretta takes the day with a domination 3 to 1 performance.
  

Official Count:
Leroy - 32
Loretta - 45
Push - 46

May 2, 2009

Once again the Lockhorns show that they refuse to shy away from those edgy modern topics many of their contemporaries are afraid to address. This time the Lockhorns' critical eyes turns their full glare on the rising expense of going to the movies. Perhaps next time they'll really sock it to long lines at the DMV, or the inherent difficulties of opening sealed plastic containers, or maybe what's wrong with teenagers today! Speaking of teenagers, the young ticket taking employee looks like a down right suicide risk. I guessing it has something to do with the low pay, the boring work, the perpetual aura of unhappiness that constantly surround the Lockhorns, and the fact that management makes him wear a purple bellhop suit from the 40s. Another day, another push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 32
Loretta - 44
Push - 46

May 1, 2009

Today we see Leroy at his absolute obnoxious best; instigating the very police officer that pulled him over for speeding and brazenly implying he will continue to speed again. We know Leroy's party behavior shows he has no fear of shame or being a social pariah among all the suburban households in Levittown, but now it seems that he also has no fear of authority or the ramifications of his speeding. Perhaps eventually he'll one day start ignoring serious laws like the ones against spousal murder. Also, I have to point out that the Lockhorns have almost no continuity when it comes to cars they drive. I must have seen a dozen generic late model sedans of varying color. The Lockhorns seem to change more cars than Joe Pesci in Casino when he's trying to avoid his FBI tail. It looks like Leroy's going with the all teal Chrystler LeBaron today. Push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 32
Loretta - 44
Push - 45