November 26, 2009

I feel boundless sadness and pity for the poor young couple forced to endure a nightmare Thanksgiving stranded at the Lockhorns home. The grotesque charade the Lockhorns put on and call Thanksgiving is the very antithesis of the holiday, from the poisonous emotional atmosphere to the (literally) poisonous food. Tasked with the critical responsibility of preparing the all important traditional turkey dinner, Loretta's terrible cooking reaches new heights (or lows) including a gravy so disgustingly thick and solid that Leroy has to carve it. Notice how longingly the couple stares at Leroy's carving knife, the sweet release of death is the only escape from this unbearably agony. Leroy carves up a point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 106
Loretta - 131
Push - 93