July 7, 2009

In great contrast to Loretta's exemplary effort in applying an extra flavor of unexpected topicality to her joke yesterday, Leroy's dig at Loretta is just about the laziest zinger I have read all year. This is really just a step or two away from Leroy just straight up spelling it out and saying "my wife's uncontrollable shopping habit is bankrupting me". The comment loses a lot of its effectiveness since everyone knows Loretta always leaves the house with a credit card and Leroy never kisses his wife under any circumstances. All and all, a sloppy effort from a sloppy man; but a shopping joke is a shopping joke and a point is a point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 56
Loretta - 67
Push - 65

July 6, 2009

An extra round of applause should be given to Loretta who manages to not only make a nice cutting remark about Leroy's weight problem, but manages to use a reference that isn't at least a decade old. While it isn't exactly late night talk show monologue current, it's still an incredibly rare feat of moderate topicality. Adding another wrinkle of aptness here is, given the Lockhorns' long history of financial problems, that Loretta's phrase is synonymous similar economic ruin. With Leroy in such a compromising and vulnerable position on the scale, Loretta could have just gone with any standard fat joke, but that extra bit of effort is one of the reasons why she continues to lead the points tally by double digits. A well earned point, Loretta.

Official Count:

Leroy - 55
Loretta - 67
Push - 65

July 5, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• For Leroy, there's no better dessert after a big filling dinner of boiled garbage than a well placed criticism of Loretta's cooking. Today's insult is a slight change of pace; usually we find him launching the critiques at the start of the meal or even mid-meal. The remark loses a little bit of its power if you consider the fact that despite his protests, he seems to have completely cleared his plate. Nevertheless, it's still worth a point for Leroy.
• Always the master wordsmith, Loretta flips to the alternate definition of "scene" and then makes the appropriate pun about Leroy being a terrible choice of mate. I'm sure her friends never get tired of her constant, clever,word tricks. Speaking of friends, isn't Loretta's friend in this scene none other than her doctor's sadistic nurse? Or maybe she has other friends with similar vacant stares and soulless dots for eyes? Loretta get the point.
• Unfortunately for Leroy, one can't gain a point when the other spouse insults themselves. If he's looking to get back into this race, he really should have taken the time out hang around one of Loretta's sweaty workouts. It's a veritable goldmine of potential put downs and hurtful remarks. While Loretta's thighs may be falling in their win-loss column, such missed opportunities by Leroy is a good reason why she's currently leading in this blog's win-loss column. Push.
  
• Since we haven't seen any evidence from past scenes at the beach that Leroy does anything else but sit on the sands ogling ladies in his scandalous black banana hammock, one has to wonder what he was really doing with that book. My theory, based on how soaking wet it is, is that he just took in into the bathroom and is covering up for accidentally dropping it in the toilet. Looks like the public library is joining the ever growing list of places the Lockhorns are permanently banned from. It's deemed a push.
  
• Can you really blame Leroy for all his cocktail party peeping when his head is directly in line with the grotesquely disproportioned breasts of all the towering bimbos in attendance? It's unavoidable. Loretta's comments perhaps indicates that she is willing to tolerate Leroy's wandering eye, in the hopes that all this arousal leads to some lust induced fatal heart attack. Loretta breaks the tie and claims the day 2-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 55
Loretta - 66
Push - 65

July 4, 2009

It looks like Leroy is getting into the July 4th spirit of Independence by declaring his independence from any sense of personal modesty. I fear as we go deeper into the prime summer beach season, there will be be more and more of these disturbing beach displays. Our only hope is that Loretta's steady stream of insults will eventually guilt him into wearing something a bit more appropriate for his physique like a full tuxedo. He should take a page out of Loretta's ultraconservative beach ensemble. No let's quickly give Loretta the point and try our best to forget this horrific scene.

Official Count:

Leroy - 55
Loretta - 65
Push - 65

July 3, 2009

Leroy, as with all classic household breadwinners of the 50s and 60s, attempted to get ahead at the office by charming his boss with a fine home cooked dinner. Of course instead of humorous classic sitcom hi jinks the only snafu that would have occurred would have been the death of Leroy's boss from severe food poisoning. Fortunately, Leroy's boss was smart enough to deduce from Leroy's deteriorated physical condition and his frequent trips to the emergency room, that any meal at the Lockhorns residence would be life threatening. While he was denied a chance to get some extra face time with the boss, Leroy still manages to salvage the evening by scoring a quality zinger off of Loretta and her piles of green sludge. Leroy earns the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 55
Loretta - 64
Push - 65

July 2, 2009

Oh Loretta, you find so many wonderfully different ways to say the Lockhorns are poor. How many melancholy nights have you and Leroy spent huddled around that gigantic old timey clerk's desk and traded creative euphemisms and puns about how both of you will lose the house and all your possessions to the creditors and eventually be buried in a potter's field? If only you could cut back on your outrageous shopping binges at the mall from daily to maybe every other day. Perhaps that's a bit too much of a sacrifice to ask for. Push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 54
Loretta - 64
Push - 65

July 1, 2009

It looks like Leroy is partaking in one of his favorite activities (right up there with binge drinking and dissing the opera), dispensing cynical observations about his marriage. While his comment about Loretta constantly pointing out of his faults is totally valid, to her defense, how deluded would Leroy have been to have not noticed that he is almost completely made of faults? Would he have never looked in the mirror or talked to any other human being for the rest of his life had he not been married? Also, somebody needs to point out the faults of Leroy's green shirted friend. What is up with that nose today? He looks like a Picasso. Leroy scores the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 54
Loretta - 64
Push - 64