January 7, 2010

Loretta makes her first strike of the new year in spectacular fashion with a masterful reversal at the dinner table! What should have been a standard "Loretta's cooking is terrible" scene and an easy point for Leroy has been unexpectedly flipped into a sharp insult by Loretta about Leroy's excessive cooking complaints. In over a year of Lockhorns watching, I can't recall such a bold move on the part of Loretta; completely unprecedented. Loretta criticizing Leroy about his constant nagging? At dinner? It's like up is down and left is right. All, I've got to say is Leroy better start stepping up his game, if there's anything he can learn from all this is that there are definately no easy points. Loretta scores the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 1
Push - 5

January 6, 2010

Even the Immortal Bard is not immune to Leroy's grumpy complaints. As soon as the theater patrons shuffle out Leroy unleashes his brief but direct criticism of the show; thus demonstrating that brevity truly is the sole of wit. If even Shakespeare can't escape Leroy's disapproval, what hope is there for any other playwright? One odd detail I noticed about today's scene is that Leroy seems to be wearing the same weird blue smock that he is usually seen wearing while commuting to work. Perhaps he had to directly meet Loretta at the theater after work? While Loretta does look disappointed, I don't think there's enough here to take it out of push territory. It's officially a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 0
Push - 5

January 5, 2010

Had we witnessed the actual scene where Leroy surprises Loretta with the insulting gift of additional collision insurance, this would have been a slam dunk point for Leroy. Unfortunately, Loretta's first hand account of it to her friend merely counts as a push. Sure, it's Leroy ragging on Loretta's dangerously inept driving abilities, but in a weird way it's sort of a thoughtful present on his part. Loretta can now recklessly drive through the highways and byways of Long Island with the added comfort of knowing she has a higher cap on the amount of harm and damage she can cause. It's another push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 0
Push - 4

January 4, 2010

The Lockhorns would benefit greatly from joining the growing number of American households that are eliminating their traditional home phone service. It seems that the only people calling them are annoying telemarketers and threatening bill collectors. In addition, Loretta has already taken to racking up four figure service bills on her cell phone line. I suspect that by this point the Lockhorns are maintaining their home land line only for the purposes of using their fax machine and their dial-up Internet service. Push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 0
Push - 3

January 3, 2010: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• I don't know what's a more futile and fruitless exercise for the Lockhorns: a session with their marriage counselor or a session with their financial counselor. It's also a little hypocritical for Loretta to be bemoaning the Lockhorns lack of financial resources when she is by far the biggest reason they are in such dire straits. The Lockhorns' harrowing free fall into the poorhouse continues unabated. It's a push.
• Oh the breathtaking majesty of seeing Loretta is in full on nagging mode! The furled brow, the crossed arms, the boiling rage, the irritating repetition! It's like watching Michelangelo painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel or Jordan in the 4th quarter of an NBA final; a glorious look at a true master practicing their art at the top of their game. Judging by Leroy's firm incapacitation, it looks like she'll be working on this nag for an extended period. Loretta goes up 1-0.
  
• As a despondent Loretta wages her sad losing battle against the ravages of age at the vanity mirror, Leroy find a dynamite opportunity to comment on it and cut directly to her cripplingly insecurities. Ice cold. If Leroy wants to remain competitive in the new year, it would serve him well to exploit the self consciousness front that was so under utilized by him the previous year. Leroy ties it up.
• Leroy and his poor friend find themselves thankful and fortunate after having survived another life threatening meal from Loretta. While it's been long established that Loretta has been attempting to poison Leroy with her cooking since day one, but it's a bit unfair that their innocent dinner guest has to face an attempt on his life as well. Perhaps, she's just trying to eliminate all potential witnesses. Leroy goes up 2-1 and lives to criticize another day.
• I think Leroy's line would work better if Loretta was a psychologist or if they were at a psychologist's office (or maybe even the marriage counselor's). We get that a visit to Loretta's Victorian Era mother-in-law is a traumatic event for Leroy and requires some therapy afterward; but since when was Loretta ever interested in hearing about Leroy's feelings? Also that alien smile on the face of the usually perpetually scowling mother-in-law is sort of making me uncomfortable. Leroy still earns the point and runs away with the day, 3-1. The first Lockhorn point of the new year!

Official Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 0
Push - 2

January 2, 2010

The Lockhorns go to celebrate the new year at a upscale dining establishment only to be plagued once again by terrible wait service. At the very least, having no wait service is marginally better than straight up hostile wait service that tries to take advantage of you. It's like there's a secret conspiracy among the entire restaurant service industry to deny the Lockhorns anything remotely resembling actual service. This freeze out is especially hard on Leroy, whose only opportunity to eat edible food is when he's dinning out. The wait for the first Lockhorn on Lockhorn insult continues. Push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 0

Loretta - 0
Push - 2

January 1, 2010

A lame pun about the Lockhorns' floundering portfolio, it's definitely not the most auspicious of starts to the new year. Given how trapped in the past the Lockhorns are I imagine their stock portfolio to consist of holdings in asbestos manufacturing firms, pomade producers, and companies that are specializing in developing "new fangled" vacuum tubes (or as the Lockhorns call them "tech stocks"). I also suspect their broker to be a conservatively dressed man in a room patiently reading the latest lines from a stock ticker. It looks like we'll have to wait until at least tomorrow to see whether Leroy or Loretta draws first blood on the year. Until then, it's a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 0

Loretta - 0
Push - 1