Official Count:
Leroy - 112
Loretta - 131
Loretta - 131
Push - 91
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
November 27, 2011: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- Not only does Loretta get herself a swift dig at Leroy, but her clever play on the old "cat got your tongue" axiom is also a cutting commentary on the decline of verbal conversation in the text-centric digital age. I do wonder what Leroy is doing on the computer. I suspect that he may be engaged in some kind of bitter flame war with another equally angry, misanthropic crank. Leroy also looks like the sort of person that goes around the comments sections of internet sites leaving unrelated rambling negative commentary, mostly about the evils of marriage and possibly about how Obama is a socialist. Loretta goes up 1-0.
- At most Leroy could be found guilty of four of the seven deadly sins: he has lust for all the towering bimbos he ogles in public and dances with at parties; one of his defining characteristics is his terminal laziness or sloth; both Lockhorns live in a constant state of hate and anger, sometimes exploding into rage and all the time simmering (seriously have you not seen the comic?); and one can assume that Leroy is envious of anyone he meets that's fortunate enough to have gotten married. As for greed, that's really Loretta's territory and with Loretta's cooking, Leroy can never be accused of being a glutton. Still, Loretta gets the point and goes up 2-0.
- After a relatively long absence it's good to see that Dr. Blog has not lost his trademark winning bedside manner. The comment is so reminiscent of Loretta's usual clever style that it's almost as if she sent him the line ahead of time to use (a possibility that I'm not willing to totally throw out). I do wonder how Leroy can gain so much weight despite not having had an edible cooked meal in decades. There must be a secret stash of junk food somewhere in the house. It's a push. Loretta leads 2-0.
- Loretta showing restraint at a clothing store? Have we entered a backwards, bizarro universe where up is down and wrong is right? Have the grim realities of the Great Recession finally penetrated Loretta's shielded consciousness? Maybe Leroy has finally wrestled some degree of influence over her ruinous spending habits. I have to consider Loretta's evaluation of what constitutes a reasonable price for an article of clothing, however, to be highly, highly subjective. I'm sure whatever "reasonable" purchase she makes will still cause plenty of damage. No Leroy present means it's a push. Loretta's 2-0 lead preemptively locks up the day.
- Not merely content with the guaranteed win, Loretta puts on an ostentatious display of bravado by running up the score in a shut out. The destruction isn't even limited to Leroy, she directs her reductive, cliched barbs at the male population at large! The 3% of my brain not devoted to thinking about sports is certainly feeling burned by Loretta's trenchant strike. I think I'll go watch some sports. Loretta reestablishes her Sunday dominance after two winless weeks with the most dominant Sunday performance I can recall.
Official Count:
Leroy - 112
Loretta - 130
Loretta - 130
Push - 89
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
November 20, 2011: Sunday Showdown!
Click to Enlarge
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- It looks like Loretta's dirty little secret is out. Many of those wickedly sardonic glances and enraged dagger shooting looks of hers have been artificially enhanced all these years. Who knows what else she's been hiding from us? Perhaps that's not her natural hair color (or maybe even hair). Maybe she's been stuffing her shoes this whole time as well. I also question Loretta's excessive concern over the fate of her fake eyelashes. How much damage could Leroy possibly do to her fake eyelashes with a fly swatter. It's a wonderfully ridiculous scene. Leroy gets the early lead 1-0.
- Ah the vintage ice bag placed over the head, the universal symbol of someone not feeling unwell; although I don't think I've ever seen them being used outside of the Lockhorns and movies made before 1970. If I were a betting man, I'd wager the particular ailment Leroy is trying to recover from to be another raging hangover from a night of binge cocktail consumption. Of course Loretta is right to assume that a heavily hung over Leroy must feel unbearably old; but one can argue that, on a different level, Leroy might feel as youthful as a young college frat boy recovering from a night of hard partying. Still Loretta gets the point to tie things up 1-1.
- I had to give this panel much consideration before ruling it as push. The scene is going to two directions. On one had you have a frustrated Leroy, who had to miss one of his beloved football games to be subjected to the torture of the masterwork of the immortal bard (Loretta sure loves forcing him to see "Hamlet"). On the other hand, Loretta's unhappy expression would seem to indicate that Leroy has managed to spitefully ruin the play for her as well with his simmering negativity (the fellow unhappy audience member walking out in the back seems to share Loretta's disappointment. Given the conflicting scenario, I had to rule it a push; 1-1.
- I'm not sure if Leroy really knows what he's talking about when referencing apps. I suspect he might have just heard about these things called "apps" on the news or while conversing with a younger co-worker and decided to incorporate it somehow into his next rank out of Loretta. Unfortunately for the counselor, he got to be the initial audience for its first use. I do wonder what a Leroy replacing app would actually do. Frequently insult the user? Track nearby bimbos with GPS? Just sit around the dashboard and do nothing? Come to think of it, there's a rich mine of Leroy put downs associated with thinking up a Leroy app; Loretta really dropped the ball here. Leroy escapes with a point. He takes the lead 2-1.
- After decades of frustrating meetings, threatening letters, and a perpetual cycle of never ending audits it would appear from all the high fives and chest pounds that the IRS finally has enough evidence to once and for all put Leroy in prison. With Wesley Snipes scheduled for release in 2013 the IRS is eager to look for a new high profile tax cheat to make an example of. As for seizing any valuable assets to help make up the difference...well they might be in for a disappointment. Despite the prospect of federal prison time, the push ensures Leroy an exceedingly rare Sunday Showdown victory 2-1; and keeps his faint hopes alive for a late year comeback.
Official Count:
Leroy - 108
Loretta - 127
Loretta - 127
Push - 89
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
November 14, 2011
*Author's note: Pretty unflattering portrayal of the customer service provided at the Lawrence Hill Service Station in Huntington. I can't imagine they'd be too happy with this plug.
Official Count:
Leroy - 105
Loretta - 126
Loretta - 126
Push - 87
Sunday, November 13, 2011
November 13, 2011: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- It's another fruitless session over at the marriage counselor's office. I feel bad for poor Pullman. It's terrible enough that every time he meets with the Lockhorns he is updated on what a futile waste of time all this "counseling" is, but that it's almost always delivered via puns and zingers is insult to injury. I imagine that rather than taking any real notes he just writes despondent questions to himself like "why are you here?" and "is the money really worth all this?". It's a push.
- Am I missing something here? Where exactly is the joke here? What I see is Loretta telling the home contractor what she expects of her remodeled kitchen. What is the big payoff? I guess, going by what I know of the traditional structure of jokes, I'm assuming the last line about a "larger junk drawer" is supposed to be the kicker. Perhaps this is something that people don't normally request when looking to improve their kitchens. However, this can be reasonably implied as just a request for bigger drawers. The fact that I'm going through this analysis in the first place shows how sub par this panel is. Let's call it a push and move on, still 0-0.
- There we go, a straightforward dig at Leroy's characteristic cheapness. Boom! Had Loretta not beaten him to the punch, Leroy could have actually used his liability as a miser against Loretta by embarrassing her with a query about a dollar menu. That would have made Loretta think twice about dragging him out to another snobby, overpriced (just look at that cartoonish waiter and tell me it's not snobby and overpriced) restaurant next time. On a tangential note, I am fascinated at the level of detail of the portrait on the wall given how superfluous it is to the scene. Loretta goes up 1-0.
- This scene may be one of the only times you will see both Lockhorns mutually happy. I find this shot of Leroy and Loretta across from each other competitively glaring at one another, ready to do fierce battle over a minor domestic dispute (though it's still a more realistic subject to base an arm wrestling match over than child custody) to so perfectly capture the spirit of "The Lochorns" that it should be adapted as the logo of the series. I believe the Lockhorns would get along a lot better if all their disputes were decided this way. It's a push, Loretta lead 1-0.
- I'm not sure how Leroy ever managed to pull off watching a football game while Loretta apparently cleans the entire house (arm wrestling victory?) but it is a spectacular coup. The mere sight alone of Leroy lazily reclining and enjoying the game while Loretta stands there with burdened with cleaning gear, setting back the women's movement a good fifty years, would have been enough for Leroy; but he applies the exclamation point with his spiteful, mocking line about rooting for her at halftime. Leroy earns the point and, on a weaker than usual Sunday Showdown, forces the push.
Official Count:
Leroy - 105
Loretta - 126
Loretta - 126
Push - 86
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
November 6, 2011: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- Leroy's continuing (and totally anachronistic) battle with home phone calling telemarketers reaches a new level of antagonism with Leroy attempting to cause physical damage to the poor random telemarketer via an air horn. While I agree with the sentiment, I think the air horn crosses the line as an appropriate response; that can really hurt somebody. I'd like to say that this is just a scene from the exaggerated world of the Lockhorns but there probably must have been at least one incident where that happened in real life. Loretta's chastising of Leroy isn't exactly an insult per se but it does point out Leroy's foible and is still enough to warrant a point. Loretta goes up 1-0.
- The Lockhorns move away from an outdated general complaint to an actually highly relevant one, constant delays at the airport. I don't really fly too often so I don't know if this is supposed to be a ridiculous request. I know the Lockhorns aren't ones for subtle humor. It seems reasonable and logical in my view. If a previous flight to the same location is so late that you are on time for it and it's not full, why not transfer? Additionally I think Leroy and Loretta should switch bags, his shoulder bag looks like a purse and her purse looks like a tiny suitcase. Push, 1-0 Loretta.
- I've seen a lot of disturbing and traumatizing sights covering the Lockhorns over the years and this horrifying image of Leroy straining to put on a tiny pair of pants ranks right up there. You just can't un-see this stuff afterwards. Judging by the grotesque strain that these, somehow still composed, pants are putting on Leroy and his utterly deluded, seemingly suicidal, compulsion to fit into them; there may be a chance that Leroy's stomach, liver, and pancreas may suffer severe damage. I'm sure Loretta will have a witty comment about that too if it happens. Loretta goes up 2-0.
- Telling Loretta to go faster? Does Leroy really want to go down this treacherous road? Did he not feel the chilly fall air that's been coming through the car sized hole in his living room this past week? For that matter, why is he even letting her drive right now? Is he trying in vain to give her driving lessons? Actually the issue of Loretta's driving speed is probably moot since her driving history has shown that she is, like the title of Ralph Nader's famous book, "unsafe at any speed" (which would have been a dynamite headline if this was a weekly panel). Also, I just noticed that neither of them are wearing seat belts. Carelessness or death wish? Leroy gets the point. It's still 2-1 Loretta.
- Sometimes I do enjoy some straightforward, unmitigated meanness from Loretta. She doesn't bother with any clever wordplay or biting observations or sardonic wit; she just ignores adjusting Leroy's alarm clock for daylight savings so he would be late waking up. This is about as subtle and nuanced as batting Leroy over the head with a club. This simple act of malice though will most likely net Loretta further points in the long run since Leroy's tardiness will hurt his status at work which will lead to lost promotions and raises for Loretta to ridicule in the future. I do wonder however, why it would appear Leroy is heading out to work on a Sunday; perhaps he has some important meeting with a client. Loretta rolls to another Sunday victory 3-1.
Official Count:
Leroy - 103
Loretta - 124
Loretta - 124
Push - 83
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
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