July 31, 2011: Sunday Showdown!

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Clockwise from the bottom left:

• I don't want to even begin to imagine the kind of content that could possibly be on the computer screen to give Leroy such a disturbing look of orgasmic pleasure. To the horror of everyone, the scene strongly indicates that Leroy, in a brazen act of spite, is openly ogling online lurid images (perhaps he found some sort of disproportionate bimbo fetish website) in front of Loretta. Not to be undone, Loretta makes a slicing crack about Leroy's impotence and lack of libido. Leroy is so enraptured that he doesn't even seem to care. Loretta gets the point anyway.
• Try as she might, Loretta can't seem to "accidentally" lose Leroy's loud lime green shirt in the dryer cycle; so she settles on the next best thing which is straight up mocking it. As far as Leroy's terrible shirts go, this one isn't as over the top and outrageous as some of his other fashion felonies. This is the reward Leroy gets for displaying a rare bit of helpfulness by seemingly aiding Loretta with the laundry, thus proving once again that in the world of the Lockhorns good deeds and moments of benevolence are swiftly and immediately punished. Loretta goes up 2-0.
• Having complained countless times about the high prices and deplorable service of the upscale restaurants he is occasionally dragged to by Loretta, Leroy decides to turn his never ending stream of irritated comments this time at the current restaurant's dim lighting. Maybe if he gets around to getting a better lit view of the menu he could then complain about the prices. Really, he should just be thankful that he'll at least be getting a meal that won't make him violently ill. It's a push as Loretta remains ahead 2-0.
• It seems the TSA's inexplicable obsession with giving Leroy humiliatingly intrusive and excessively time consuming security checks have reached a new level of absurdity with the posting of a security checkpoint at Leroy's bus stop. Perhaps it's his perpetually surely demeanor and suspicious, uncooperative stance against authorities that keeps setting off red flags or possibly the fact that Leroy's massive shoes could carry enough explosives to level a major city. It's another push. With a 2-o lead Loretta clinches the day.
• It's clear that without Loretta, Leroy would experience the alien feeling of joy for the first time since he got married. Additionally, he would probably spend all his free time and (suddenly unspent) extra money partying with a continuous ever changing nightly string of freakish Amazons. He would also be able to enjoy eating non-toxic meals. Life would be pretty sweet for old Leroy. Unfortunately, in reality, he is still forever married to Loretta and she will still criticize his behavior (in a caption box no less!) at parties and he'll have the suffer the woeful indignity of being shut out in today's showdown; 3-0.

Official Count:

Leroy - 81
Loretta - 81

Push - 50