November 30, 2009

The usually opportunistic Loretta misses out on a golden chance to gain a point by slinging one of her poisonous fashion quips at Leroy while shopping at the local men's suit shop. The whole scenario is almost gift wrapped for her. Leroy looks quite unflattering in his tight pumpkin orange shirt which accentuates his disgusting physique and Loretta's just sitting right there just ready to pounce; there's even an audience with the store employee to sweeten the deal. Unfortunately, instead of being treated to one of Loretta's classic style critiques, we're left with some lame, uninspired complaining by Leroy over the fit of his shirts. Just a baffling flub by Loretta. It's a push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 107
Loretta - 133
Push - 94

November 29, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Loretta incorporates the famous title of John Gray's bestselling relationship book while successfully shooting down Leroy's attempt to flirt with his most recent bimbo target. Although using a nearly two decade old reference fresh out of 1992 would seem hopelessly dated, it's actually as modern and edgy as it gets for Loretta. I eagerly await to see her start telling Leroy that he is "the weakest link" at future cocktail parties. Loretta takes the early lead and goes up 1-0.
• When she's not out wrecking cars and ringing up massive credit card bills, Loretta can be found at home supplementing her usual debt generating activities by drawing up four (potentially five) figure telephone charges. Loretta's impressively prodigious telephoning accomplishments are even more impressive when you consider how few friends she actually has. To put up those kinds of numbers with that scarcity of contacts, Loretta must be calling strangers on international lines. Despite the fact that Loretta's burying him deeper and deeper into an inescapable abyss of debt, Leroy still manages to crack wise to his friend about Loretta's excessive phone usage; and for that Leroy ties things up at one.
• Why would Leroy constantly open himself up to such unnecessary liability by placing himself on a scale? Hasn't he realized by now that Loretta has some mystical sixth sense that alerts her every time he's on it? As today's scene demonstrates, even while carrying pizza boxes into the kitchen Loretta was suddenly summed to the bathroom by her scale sense to throw out a quick dig about Leroy's weight. If I were Leroy, I'd eliminate all bathroom scales from the house and never ever check my weight. Loretta goes up 2-1.
• The Lockhorns' race to the gritty rock bottom of the socioeconomic ladder continues its blistering, pace. Things have become so desperate at the Lockhorns' home that they now depend on junk mail as an additional source for heat. I know it's suppose to be a humorous scene, showing the ridiculous lengths Leroy will go to reduce spending, but it sort of comes off has heartbreakingly depressing. It looks like it'll be a long, dark, bitter cold winter for the Lockhorns this year. Push.
• Loretta may mock all she wants, but a switch from scratch offs to Powerball tickets shows a bold, aggressive commitment by Leroy towards higher risk higher reward strategy over the more reliable but unspectacular scratch offs option. For the normally comatose Leroy, this comes as close as it gets to demonstrating initiative. Leroy is finally starting to dream big. Of course, all this still doesn't change the fact that Loretta is still getting a punchline at his expense. Loretta gets the point and handily takes the day 3-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 107
Loretta - 133
Push - 93

November 28, 2009

You have to hand it to Leroy, he really puts in that extra effort to be the worst possible husband imaginable. While other comically inept husbands would be buying flowers for their wives to smooth over a forgotten birthday or anniversary, Leroy takes it to another level by forgetting his wife's name. Al Bundy? Ray Barone? Homer Simpson? Andy Capp? Amateurs! Although Loretta's not actually present in the panel, it's pretty clear from Leroy's account that she was definitely slighted prior to the florist visit when he initially forgot her name. I'm going to assume Leroy is telling the truth so I'll give him the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 107
Loretta - 132
Push - 93

November 27, 2009

With today being Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year and all, I sort of expected today's panel to involve Loretta in one of her shopping frenzies. Instead we find the Lockhorns at another dreary cocktail party lobbing insults like artillery shells. Loretta's lament at that fact that she is not married to a successful husband does a fine job of depressing Leroy and humiliating him in front of his proud looking, handle bar mustachioed acquaintance. For an encore, Loretta should proceed to make fun of Leroy's loud, goofy looking sport coat. Loretta scores the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 106
Loretta - 132
Push - 93

November 26, 2009

I feel boundless sadness and pity for the poor young couple forced to endure a nightmare Thanksgiving stranded at the Lockhorns home. The grotesque charade the Lockhorns put on and call Thanksgiving is the very antithesis of the holiday, from the poisonous emotional atmosphere to the (literally) poisonous food. Tasked with the critical responsibility of preparing the all important traditional turkey dinner, Loretta's terrible cooking reaches new heights (or lows) including a gravy so disgustingly thick and solid that Leroy has to carve it. Notice how longingly the couple stares at Leroy's carving knife, the sweet release of death is the only escape from this unbearably agony. Leroy carves up a point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 106
Loretta - 131
Push - 93

November 25, 2009

The Lockhorns' continue their strange, nonsensical foray into the brave new world of social networking. Loretta really should not be that surprised at all the enemies Leroy has seemingly gained on Facebook. She's the one who commented just a couple months prior about how Leroy has joined something called an "anti-social network". I'm still unconvinced that they're not making all this up and they're really just staring into the blank unpowered screen of a computer they have yet to figure out how to start. With that being said, the fact remains that Leroy is still a jerk and Loretta still gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 105
Loretta - 131
Push - 93

November 24, 2009

When Loretta gets into her state of maximum rage, she scarcely even looks human. She just becomes this gigantic gaping wailing maw delivering dangerous decibel levels of pure, unadulterated nagging. Given the horrible circumstances, it's downright astonishing how Leroy can look so composed and casual in the face of such a raging storm, let alone break off a quality insult. It seems that his fellow bald acquaintance has already gone deaf from the volume and can only assume Leroy is mocking Loretta. Nevertheless, Loretta is still aware that she is being ridiculed and that's all that matters at the end of the day. Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 105
Loretta - 130
Push - 93