December 14, 2009

Even the ever bitter Lockhorns are not immune to the spirit of giving and charity that pervades the holiday season. Unfortunately Leroy's ties are so hideous and lacking in aesthetic merit that even Goodwill refuses to take them for free. Loretta really had her pick of insults in this particular scene. Aside from telling Leroy the embarrassing news that his ties were unwanted by charity, Loretta could have also gone to town on Leroy's outdated and gaudy neon blue, zigzag sport coat. With so many liabilities in fashion alone, it's no wonder Leroy is trailing Loretta by such a healthy margin. It's a point for Loretta.

Official Count:

Leroy - 108

Loretta - 140
Push - 100

December 13, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• For quite possibly the first time ever, Loretta makes someone else more miserable than Leroy in a scene. The first poor soul to be part of this dubious distinction is the completely broken down shoe salesman, who after hours upon countless hours of fetching and fitting specially-made gigantic Loretta sized shoes, is now told that she had been considering Internet shopping all along thus potentially eliminating his sale/commission and rendering all his hard work moot. Loretta is always setting the bar higher and higher in terms of pure sadism. Leroy's explicit eye rolling look of disgust covers the bare minimum to earn him a point.
• As we learned from last week's Sunday Showdown, Leroy has a real dependence on that first mug of "fortified" Irish coffee for the day. Loretta is obviously mocking Leroy's late wake-up, but noon really isn't all that ridiculous of a rising time, especially for those who enjoy a good sleep-in on the weekends. I think Loretta's just trying to cover up from her friend, her ongoing progressive plot to destroy Leroy via sleep deprivation. Nevertheless, Loretta gets the point and ties the score.
• If you remove the "at twister" part of the chiropractor's advice, we see the true reasons behind Leroy's visit. I really can't imagine any scenario where the Lockhorns would be playing "Twister" against each other considering all the intimate physical contact, minimum flexibility requirements, and general appearance of fun that accompany the game. Leroy's aching back is obviously from the usual physical altercations that pepper the Lockhorns' day; he just doesn't want to explain their toxic situation to the chiropractor and potentially the police. It's a push.
• Despite Loretta's long history of torturing others with her horrible singing, it's Leroy who is getting pulled over by law enforcement for singing along with the radio. I guess I didn't get the memo about this being opposite day. Perhaps in the future we will see Leroy cooking awful dinners and Loretta drunkenly flirting with strapping, blond mimbos at parties. Who knows what the new year will bring? As for Loretta, her beaming smile of superiority here gives her the edge and the point.
• So Leroy bets on the fighter that most closely resembles an anachronistic Victorian-Era widow? Perhaps he's not being that overly literal but Leroy's system does make sense if he's going with the fighter that most resembles Loretta's mother in terms of having a mean spirited disposition and bubbling rage right beneath the surface. One can only imagine the kind of vicious pugilist that someone with even half of Loretta's mother's bitterness and anger would be. Leroy gets the point and forces the 2-2 push for the day. That officially makes it 100 on the year.
  

Official Count:

Leroy - 108

Loretta - 139
Push - 100

December 12, 2009

I don't know if Leroy has some sinister ulterior motive like closing the door on Loretta's face or tripping her as she walks by, but on its face, this actually looks like an act of actual courteousness (or at the very least non-hostility, which is just as good in the world of the Lockhorns) on the part of Leroy. Of course the reward Leroy gets for his rare considerate act is an automatic jab by Loretta about how lazy he has become. Leroy seems to have momentarily forgotten the cardinal rule of the twisted world of the Lockhorns: compassion = weakness. Loretta wins another point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 108
Loretta - 139
Push - 99

December 11, 2009

I initially thought that Loretta was using roman numerals and was confused as to why she was mocking Leroy by suggesting he start his autobiography at chapter two. Then I realized that she was referring to the well known chapter of the US Bankruptcy code which obviously made a lot more sense. If Loretta wanted to throw out a more hip and current autobiography joke she might have suggested that Leroy title his autobiography "Going Bald". Of course that would have displayed a shockingly unprecedented degree of currentness on the part of the Lockhorns. Still, Loretta dig is a solid one overall. Loretta scores the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 108
Loretta - 138
Push - 99

December 10, 2009

Perhaps Leroy is finally catching onto the notion that Loretta can't impulsively fritter away all his money if he impulsively fritters it all away first. By attempting to blow all his money on the ridiculous purchase of a chopper, Leroy has effectively turned the tables on Loretta. It's Loretta who now stares on in defeat as she sees money that she could have spent disappear right in front of her eyes. Leroy even looks a little like Loretta in this scene, wishfully gazing at the chopper like Loretta wishfully gazes at an expensive pair of shoes or a new dress. While it's obviously too late for Leroy to catch up to Loretta on the year, perhaps he'll ride this strategy towards future success. Leroy gets the point.

Official Count:

Leroy - 108
Loretta - 137
Push - 99

December 9, 2009

Leroy, ever the astute social critic, echoes the sentiments of millions of Americans critical of the staggering billions in bailout funds given to aid numerous financial institutions dig themselves out of the economic ruin caused by their own out of control greed and recklessness. The employee of their local bank branch (a suspicious, possibly fly by night, operation that does business only as "Bank") is none too thrilled at Leroy's open protest. Of course there really isn't much Leroy can do but his personal little stunt as the bank goes forward with their foreclosure proceedings on his house. A defiant push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 107
Loretta - 137
Push - 99

December 8, 2009

Like a rooster at dawn, Leroy is immediately greeted at the start of every morning with a mean spirited barb by Loretta; signaling the start of another unbearable day of failure. Judging by Leroy's drained, haggard appearance, it seems that Loretta's sadistic schedule of sleep deprivation is coming along quite nicely. While she seems well on her way towards completely breaking down Leroy mentally and physically, she still manages to score some extra points on the side by additionally mocking Leroy's ever degenerating physical state. One would expect nothing less than such a thorough effort from Loretta. A well earned point for Loretta.

Official Count:

Leroy - 107
Loretta - 137
Push - 98