Official Count:
Leroy - 32
Loretta - 43
Push - 16
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
March 25, 2012: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- I can totally see Leroy being really into "Angry Birds". After all, the motivation for the birds in the game is overwhelming, self-destructive, spite; something Leroy is all too familiar with. Leroy's resourcefulness here is admirable, he managed to turn a negative situation (being dragged to another opera by Loretta) into an opportunity to score a point. As for the opera, I have to admit I have never heard about it until today. When I hear the name "Oberto" the only thing I think of is the beef jerky brand. Leroy leads 1-0.
- A particularly hypocritical move on Loretta's part to criticize Leroy about his lax attitude towards car maintenance (also what is all that white stuff on the car, anyway?). I'm sure Leroy's immediate response to Loretta's complaint would be that he feels no need to wash the car since Loretta will likely destroy it soon anyway while on a random errand. Unfortunately for Leroy, this panel only captures Loretta's initial gripe so it's Loretta that gets the point. The day is tied 1-1.
- I don't think Loretta's dislike of Leroy's current shirt is all that unreasonable. I mean, that could be one of the reasons she brought Leroy out to do some shirt shopping. It doesn't come off as a real "gotcha" moment by Leroy. With regards to the shirts picked out by Loretta, there is absolutely no way any of those shirts are going to fit Leroy. Maybe it's just a trick of perspective but those shirts look like baby clothing. She needs to head on over to the "husky" section. I'm still inclined to give Leroy the point here. Leroy leads 2-1.
- Two caption boxes in a single Sunday Showdown; has it really come to this? We all know Leroy is a drunk, but driving behind a beer truck in the deluded hope that a few cases would randomly drop out displays a disturbing new level of addiction. On a potentially more disturbing note, the Lockhorns may have somehow wandered into the 1984 cult classic "Repo Man" where all consumer food products, like beer, are generically labeled. Loretta earns herself an easy point and ties things up 2-2.
- When Loretta pushed the Showdown into a deciding fifth panel, I knew it was all but over for Leroy. We have seen clutch performances, time and time again. Loretta completely owns these crucial fifth panels. Leroy's best chance was to clinch early on before the pressure got too great for him. I like Loretta's insult de grace, it's a hard burn on Leroy's lack of earning power, and leaves no trace of doubt as to who came out the winner here. Loretta scores the point and takes the day 3-2.
Official Count:
Leroy - 30
Loretta - 40
Push - 15
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
March 18, 2012: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- In today's panel Loretta literally reaches new heights of terrible driving. Really where does one even begin to put the pieces together? Did Loretta somehow mange to parallel park her way up the house? Did she get someone to place the car up there so she could practice her parallel parking on the roof? Maybe she suddenly got airborne while practicing in the street? Perplexing questions aside, I actually do enjoy these occasional, abrupt descents by the Lockhorns into the bizarre and surreal. At least, Leroy can count himself fortunate that Loretta didn't drive the car into the house this time. Loretta goes up 1-0.
- Loretta proves once again that nobody ever does anything unambiguously nice for anybody in the miserable world of "The Lockhorns". In a triumph of laziness over cheapness we learn here that Leroy would rather go through the added cost and hassle of taking Loretta out to a restaurant than face his dish washing duties. Then again, given what we know of Loretta's horrifying cooking, washing one of her dishes after a meal would likely be a far more difficult ordeal. Loretta scores another point and jumps out to a quick 2-0 lead.
- A bit of positive news in the Lockhorns' house? Loretta is definitely justified in recording this rare shinning moment! In all the time I've been covering the Lockhorns, it is the first time either one of them have ever been happy on a bathroom scale. This is a double victory for Loretta; not only did she actually lose weight on her diet, her success is a deliciously spiteful victory over Leroy, who is no doubt green with envy. Loretta continues to roll on, 3-0. Now that the win is clinched, perhaps she can go for the sweep!
- It appears that this Sunday Showdown isn't the only place where Loretta is on a total roll. Whether it was through devious hustling or just by pure dumb beginner's luck, Loretta has managed to clean out Leroy and his poker buddies, thoroughly ruining the game for everyone. It looks like another wild shopping spree is in store. Anytime Loretta can terminally poison an activity that Leroy enjoys is an all around win for her. The blowout continues with, Loretta picking up an impressive fourth point and dominating the day 4-0.
- Leroy manages to salvage a small shred of his dignity by finally stepping up in the last panel, thus preventing the shut out and depriving Loretta of an unprecedented 5-0 victory. Perhaps it was hubris or just an unfortunate lapse in judgement, but Loretta took a huge risk in going for the live singing and piano performance at the party. Unsurprisingly, Leroy took advantage of this easy target. Overall though we shouldn't dwell too much on this small blemish in an otherwise historic performance. Loretta takes the day 4-1.
Official Count:
Leroy - 27
Loretta - 37
Push - 14
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
March 12, 2012
Author's Note: It looks like the Lockhorns eschewed the large national banks and opted for the personal touch of a small local institution like First National. Although, I do wonder how much service do you really need when you have no money in your account?
Official Count:
Leroy - 24
Loretta - 35
Push - 13
Sunday, March 11, 2012
March 11, 2012: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- If I were Leroy I would be far more self conscious about the freakishly unnatural shape of my head than my bald spot. Just look at that flat, barren mesa! You could land commercial airliners on that platform. He could give Flattop from "Dick Tracy" a run for his money. As ridiculous as the gigantic sombrero would look on Leroy, it still may be an improvement over the usual ludicrous sight of his uncovered head. It would definitely cut down on all the hours he must spend applying sunscreen to it on sunny days outdoors. Loretta gets the point.
- I have to admit, there is definitely a solid core of truth to the old joke about exercise machines eventually getting ignored and becoming clothes hangers. The weight machine in my basement isn't completely ignored but it has probably logged more time overall as an improvised laundry drying rack than as an exercise device. Although he is off panel, I am going to assume Leroy is within shouting distance of Loretta to be officially insulted. While the two burly deliverymen don't seem to be all that impressed, Loretta still earns herself a point and takes a commanding 2-0 lead.
- With any other imaginable couple, Leroy's comment about Loretta's forgiving nature would have come off as loving and self deprecating. In the context of the Lockhorns it's just a spiteful boast by Leroy about how often he has managed to successfully offend her over the years. Loretta's bitter gaze indicates that he isn't exaggerating. Another day, another awkward bit of monochromatic cocktail party conversation. Leroy gets on the board; it's 2-1 Loretta.
- You have to admire Loretta's dedication towards antagonizing Leroy. What spouse would sit up silently all night at the kitchen table in the darkness, waiting for the off chance to catch their husband coming down to the fridge for a secret late-night snack? Some might consider Loretta's actions to be disturbingly excessive, but really that is the sort of monomaniacal, psychopathic dedication that has made her a multiple time champion. If Leroy is ever going to win a year he'll have to match that level of obsessive, iron resolve (or at least stop cheating on his diet). Loretta cliches the day, 3-1.
- I don't have the actual stats to back it up, but it seems to me that Leroy actually performs better in the garbage time after a Sunday is already decided for Loretta. Maybe it's the lack of stakes and expectations or perhaps Loretta is relaxing her for off the gas, but Leroy often manages to make the showdowns seem closer then they really were. Here, Leroy takes a page out of Gandhi's playboko by relying on civil disobedience and passive inaction to fight back against Loretta's tyrannical nagging. He should really utilize this tactic more often, if there's one thing Leroy is skilled at it's being passive. Leroy scores the point but Loretta takes the day 3-2.
Official Count:
Leroy - 24
Loretta - 35
Push - 12
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
March 4, 2012: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- Once again Leroy has managed to convince another acquaintance to follow him upstairs into the master bedroom, just so he could make some ultimately pointless insult about Loretta's things when she wasn't there. Eventually his friends are going wise up about these suspicious bedroom invitations and refuse to follow. It'd be all well and good if Leroy managed to have Loretta present to absorb the barbs, but her absence just makes this an exercise in futility. Also, none of those shoes look remotely close to fitting Loretta's monster feet; I can only assume they're for decorative purposes. It's a push.
- Ah the centuries old toilet seat argument between the sexes, a joke that's remarkably even older than the Lockhorns! I am pretty sure observational comedy about the raising and lowering of toilet seat lids were invented just a few hours after modern toilets themselves. I believe Leroy is being more than fair in his quid pro quo offer to Loretta. When Leroy wants Loretta to put the driver's seat back in it's original position, I assume it's literally to put the detached driver's seat back in the car again after her latest accident. Leroy takes an early lead 1-0.
- Loretta sure knows how to work the subtle strike. Instead of making a big production about breaking the bank at the jewelry store, Loretta just drops a sly sardonic inquiry, which is all Leroy needs to realize that Loretta is going to absolutely ruin him. Whatever sort of damage Loretta could have done buying clothes or shoes pales in the comparison to a shopping spree at the local jewelers. Leroy should just go with the flow and ask for a new watch or maybe a new silver drinking flask; he could certainly use that when the credit card bills roll around. Loretta gets the point and ties things up 1-1.
- It's good to see that, despite decades of complete futility, Pullman has not yet completely given up on the Lockhorns and is still willing to try novel new approaches to treatment. He appears to be resorting to some sort of regression therapy, treating the Lockhorns like misbehaving children. However, it's more likely he just wanted a means to run out the clock on their session without having to see or listen to the Lockhorns. In any case, not having the Lockhorns argue while in the same room for any length of time is a commendable accomplishment. Push, it's still 1-1.
- The gender layout of this cocktail party is reminiscent of a middle school dance. You have the males and the females strictly segregated on two sides of the room. They even have a table of snacks and refreshments, classic! Undeterred by the sex based separation, Loretta manages to get out a diss about Leroy and men's brains in general. She clearly wasn't going to stand there and allow Leroy to keep looking so happy and popular, leaning back with his bros. Loretta earns a clutch fifth panel point and takes a tightly fought showdown 2 to 1.
Official Count:
Leroy - 22
Loretta - 31
Push - 11
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
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