Official Count:
Leroy - 56
Loretta - 54
Loretta - 54
Push - 41
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
May 29, 2011: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- I am always fascinated by the unorthodox visual perspectives of the Lockhorns' home. In addition to the usual monochromatic void of their ambiguous rooms, today we are treated to a bizarre shot into the kitchen that looks like they are in a framed painting. Actually I'm not completely willing to rule out the possibility that Leroy is actually dreaming this conversation between Loretta and her friend (since when did Loretta have any friend that was generous enough to buy her a new dishwasher?). Despite the fact that Leroy is sleeping, I am going to give Loretta the benefit of the doubt that he has overheard her putdown of him. Loretta gets the point.
- Loretta nails Leroy with an exceptionally well crafted zinger. In one swift punchline, she manages to both call Leroy a lousy person and a straight up loser. It is elegant and devastating, a real nice rank out all around. Things are certainly not looking good for poor Leroy, two scenes in he is already two points down and he hasn't even gotten out of his recliner yet. Could this be a repeat of last week's drubbing? Loretta takes a 2-0 lead.
- The Sunday massacre continues with Loretta striking down Leroy about his latest fashion mishap. Leroy has chosen more garish outfits in the past, but the mustard blazer is certainly grounds for criticism. The fact that Loretta used a sports analogy to mock him is an additional cherry on top. The only positive I can say about Leroy his is that at least he's on his feet this time. Loretta wins her third straight point and locks up the Showdown. The only question left now his, can she get a sweep?
- Leroy manages to salvage some dignity by making a stand at the trusty old dinner table. The Titanic reference may be a bit dated and weak (so is the lettuce frozen solid? is it poisonous?), but a point is a point. It is quite a testament to the horrible cooking abilities of Loretta that she can somehow horribly ruin iceberg lettuce, perhaps the most neutral and inconsequential food imaginable. Leroy makes it 3 to 1 in favor of Loretta.
- I would have also accepted "I regret not going deaf". After all these years of ruckus piano performances, Loretta should really remember to take down the vase with flowers before starting; then again the point may be moot if her piercing vocals end up shattering them anyway. Also, Loretta's wide "piano stool" looks less like a stool and more like a round coffee table with the legs sawed off. Leroy manages to make this showdown look closer than it was by squeezing out two final points; however it was Loretta who had control throughout. Loretta takes the day 3-2.
Official Count:
Leroy - 55
Loretta - 54
Loretta - 54
Push - 40
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
May 22, 2011: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)Clockwise from the bottom left:
- When Leroy just plops himself down on his recliner to decompose in front of the television like that he is just begging to be targeted. This time he becomes the victim of a swift drive-by (well, walk-by) mocking by Loretta, who laments to her friend what an unfortunate twist of fate it was to have first noticed him. Loretta's walk and talk insult is further enhanced by the fact that she and her friend are probably off to go spend all of Leroy's money at the mall. Loretta goes up 1-0.
- The Lockhorns' dire personal finances can also be summed up as "no money, mo' problems". I find Leroy's assumption that the Lockhorns even have money to throw at their many problems to be an oddly optimistic assessment of their financial health. Of course there is only one real problem (at least when it comes to the Lockhorns' pocketbooks): Loretta's crippling addiction to shopping. That's the problem that throws all their money away every month. Leroy missed a perfect opportunity to address that here. It's a push, still 1-0 Loretta.
- I think Leroy's sort of mildly witty play on the phrase voice "mail" and the dead letter office is less him trying to be clever and more him actually thinking that voice mail messages are literally converted into actual letters that are sent through the postal service. Leroy's confusion with modern forms of communication makes the late Senator Ted Stevens look like Steve Jobs. Loretta seems to be losing hope that Leroy will have any success in getting their Chinese food order in. Yet another push.
- Another progress free day at the marriage counselor's office. It must be beyond frustrating for counselor Pullman to always have his advice thrown right back at him as an indirect insult to the other Lockhorn. His decades of work with the Lockhorns either makes him an amazingly dedicated marriage counselor who refuses to quit or a completely unethical counselor who is just stringing along a hopelessly lost cause just for the billings. Loretta locks up the day with her second point, 2-0.
- This really is the most ideal situation for Loretta. On top of Leroy being beaten physically, Loretta gets to rub bitter salt on those fresh wounds by beating him emotionally with her mocking comments. With that said I never really understood the "best foot forward phrase", I never really considered one foot to be better or more effective than the other. Also, given the size of the Lockhorns' feet, I don't think it's all that difficult to actually put one of their feet in their mouths. Congratulations to Loretta for completing one of the most lopsided Sunday Showdowns in recent memory, an impressive 3-0 shutout!
Official Count:
Leroy - 54
Loretta - 51
Loretta - 51
Push - 37
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Mary 17, 2011
*Author's Note: I did some searching and, unfortunately, found that there is no actual toupee store on Long Island called "Hair Apparent".
Official Count:
Leroy - 52
Loretta - 49
Loretta - 49
Push - 36
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
May 15, 2011: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)Clockwise from the bottom left:
- Look at Loretta getting all tech savvy to diss on Leroy. I always like it when either Lockhorn gets out of their usual comfort zones and tries some new mediums for mockery. I'm not sure Loretta is even exaggerating about Leroy's bald head, that thing is absolutely enormous (I suppose so is Loretta's, but at least she can claim hair). A similar comment could have also been made about their feet, which may actually cover more area then even their massive craniums. Loretta goes up 1-0.
- Loretta is just showing off a whole bevy of unknown talents today. First she demonstrates her knowledge of Google Earth and now she shows off her keen eye for distinguishing saltwater and freshwater fish. Her Encyclopedia Brown-esque deduction has cleverly exposed Leroy's plan to cover up for his lack of caught fish with store bought fish and left him bested and embarrassed. Brilliant. Now it's off to see what that troublemaker Bugs Meany is up too. Loretta roars ahead to a 2-0 lead.
- With his back to the wall and facing a loss, Leroy goes back to his trusty old standby: Loretta's atrocious cooking. I think Leroy is being slightly generous to Loretta here by implying that there might actually be something salvageable within the sad grey goo she calls dinner. He may also be referring to the dish literally and suggesting that incorporating broken ceramic shards may improve future meals. Leroy starts the comeback but Loretta still leads 2-1.
- Did I want to see of scene of Loretta's similarly misshapen middle aged friend modeling bathing suits? Of course not. However, I guess it's still better than seeing Loretta herself modeling bathing suits. Loretta could have used this opportunity to clinch the day but instead we find her cracking a cliché little zinger about the difference between men and women, with Leroy nowhere in sight, which sounds like something she stole from Phyllis Diller about three decades ago. It's a push. Loretta still leads 2-1.
- Despite the terrible start, Leroy manages to salvage a push by coming through in the final panel. Leroy once again turns to another reliable Loretta weakness: her inability to shut the hell up. Relaying his insults to his friend while seated on his easy chair, Leroy looks even more tired and weary of Loretta's logorrhea than usual. It doesn't even appear that he's looking directly at his friend. He's just recounting the horror out load with his blank thousand yard stare. Despite the traumatic state, Leroy gets the point and the day ends on a 2-2 push.
Official Count:
Leroy - 51
Loretta - 48
Loretta - 48
Push - 36
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
May 8, 2011: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)Clockwise from the bottom left:
- Leroy pursues an extremely dangerous course of action by insulting Loretta's mother with her and Loretta in the room (on Mother's Day no less!). Poor Leroy is now in the unfortunate position of being sandwiched between two generations of bitter seething rage. He should be aware that both scorned ladies are carrying mugs of scalding hot coffee. Could Leroy have waited until Loretta's mother was out of earshot to diss on her? Sure, but Leroy doesn't compromise when it comes to trashing the in-law. Also, I noticed that Loretta's mom has freakishly tiny feet which is in complete contrast to Loretta's freakishly large feet. She must get them from her father. Leroy takes the first panel of the day.
- While we all welcome the return of warm weather and the impending arrival of the summer beach season, it unfortunately also brings with it the yearly threat of Leroy roaming the beaches of Long Island in disturbingly skimpy speedos. Thankfully the ever vigilant Loretta is always there to try and mock and shame him away from such actions. We will have to see in the coming months whether she is successful or not. Godspeed Loretta. For now, Loretta gets the point and ties things up 1-1.
- Given her out of control shopping addiction, Loretta should never shop period. Is this haul any larger than previous hauls from non-hungry shopping expeditions. I know Loretta's phrase applies to food shopping but how does being hungry make her shop for more non-edible things? I guess the "hunger" she is referring to is her hunger to recklessly purchase goods at the mall. Speaking of the mall, what kind of mall is Loretta going to with such generically named stores like "Designer Outlet" and "A-1 Finery"? Loretta goes up 2-1.
- Wouldn't recidivism in the broader sense ("a tendency to relapse into a previous condition") be sort of a good thing for leftovers? A leftover entree that goes back to its previous condition as a first run entree doesn't sound all that terrible. I guess though with anything Loretta cooks, reverting back to its previous condition can actually be worse. I am also not ruling out the possibility that Loretta's food is so bad that it has somehow developed sentience and habitually commits crimes. Leroy evens the series up 2-2 and forces a final panel showdown.
- Leroy finds himself truly coming off as an idiot at the airport. Despite years of being harassed and molested by airport security searches, he still somehow manages to goad them into thoroughly violating him by telling them "search me". Loretta, who appears to have successfully made it through untouched is right to chastise Leroy for his stunning incompetence. Loretta pulls out another close Sunday Showdown victory 3-2.
Official Count:
Leroy - 48
Loretta - 46
Push - 34
Loretta - 46
Push - 34
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
May 1, 2011: Sunday Showdown!
(Click to Enlarge)
Clockwise from the bottom left:
- Surrounded by a whole slew of new recliner options, Leroy looks like a kid in a candy store. With Leroy in such a rare state of joy and happiness, it's up to the ever vigilant Loretta to bring him back down to earth by calling him out as a terminally lazy sloth in front of the uptight-looking salesman. I think the continuously reclining "cheaper version" that Loretta is looking for is called a mattress. Loretta gets the point.
- It has been quite a while since Leroy went to work on Loretta's mother. It's such a classic dysfunctional husband staple that I'm surprised it isn't used by Leroy more often. I think the picture he's referring to is his disturbing wall sized poster of Loretta's mother that he used to model his jack-o-latern a couple of Halloweens ago. My guess is Loretta has already disposed of it. However that still doesn't stop Leroy from tying things up at 1-1.
- A movie reference that's only 5 years old? This is most topical crack by a Lockhorn yet! Pretty soon they'll be dropping lines about the Giants winning the Super Bowl and the third Spiderman movie. Well, Loretta's line about Leroy's weight problems would have worked in 2006 and it still works now (just look at that defeated reaction by Leroy). Also, the Lockhorns must purchase their bathroom scales at specialty store for big footed individuals; you can go surfing with that thing! Loretta goes up 2-1.
- That is some pretty clever wordplay by Leroy. I am always pleasantly surprised when he goes for the more cerebral burn. Given the Lockhorns relationship though, there is always the possibility that he literally is being given a death sentence by Loretta (with her latest meal being the method of execution). That could easily be another panel right there. These things just write themselves! Leroy earns the point, 2-2.
- With everything coming down to a deciding fifth panel, Loretta asserts her reputation for clutchness with a devastating diss on Leroy's reading issues. While it is a positive sight to see Leroy being proactive and taking steps to address his illiteracy problem, it is only a major liability in the cold cruel world of the Lockhorns. Perhaps one day Leroy will overcome his terrible affliction and close up this subject for Loretta to exploit. Loretta takes a thrilling and hard fought Sunday Showdown, 3-2.
Official Count:
Leroy - 45
Loretta - 43
Loretta - 43
Push - 33
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