February 7, 2009

Leroy breaks out of his recent slump in a big way by going back to his most dependable source of insults: Loretta's awful cooking. Notice the bold emphasis on the "and" that gives that unexpected turn an extra kick. It may appear that, in the distance, Loretta is blissfully unaware of Leroy's cutting remarks; but we all know she's just maintaining that false smiling facade as to not ruin the occasion. Just under that smile is a seething ball of repressed rage. On the topic of the birthday party, I'm not entirely sure whose birthday it is. Judging by the overall purple decor, it seems likely that it's for Loretta's mute, Prince obsessed, friend. As for the day's point, it goes to Leroy.

Official Count:
Leroy - 11
Loretta - 14
Push - 13

February 6, 2009

Loretta is on fire this week as she lays the lowest of low blows on Leroy: insulting his salary. As an outdated caricature of the disgruntled 60's era company man, Leroy's view of himself as the hardworking breadwinner is one of the few nominal sources of pride in his life. When Loretta shatters that image by implying that he is vastly inferior and impotent at bringing home the bacon, it's downright devastating to Leroy. Judging by Leroy's warped, bitter expression; there's a pretty good chance that he punches Loretta right in her smug doughy face directly after this scene. Despite the black eye, Loretta will still have the point and the overall lead.

Official Count:
Leroy - 10
Loretta - 14
Push - 13

February 5, 2009

Instead of just courteously refusing the offer, Loretta masterfully flips a seemingly benign and harmless situation involving a charity solicitation into an insult about Leroy's entire way of life; brilliant. No question, the best Lockhorn jabs are ones like this where their ugly hatred bubbles up right in the middle of an unrelated, everyday life scene, making it super awkward for all other people involved. That poor, highway adoption enthusiast never suspected he'd find himself in this odd spot staring into the abyss of the Lockhorns' empty marriage. Tally up a point for Loretta.

Official Count:
Leroy - 10
Loretta - 13
Push - 13

February 4, 2009

Normally the general rule has been that there would be no credit for insults given without the other party being there to witness it. However, I'm willing to make an exception in this case. I can't really explain why, but I found myself being more amused than usual by the mental image of a simian Leroy waking up to become a primitive man. For the purposes of this exception we'll just have to constructively assume Leroy heard this comment while he was just off frame ogling the naked cave women statues that look like Rae Dawn Chong in "Quest for Fire". Unconventional point for Loretta.

Official Count:
Leroy - 10
Loretta - 12
Push - 13

February 3, 2009

Leroy's cheapness takes on monstrous dimensions as he shows that even while facing the frightening prospect of a life threatening medical diagnosis, his primary concern is the bill. That's our Leroy. Also what's up the doctor? Dr. H. Blog? Seriously? Is this some feeble, ham-fisted attempt by the Lockhorns at something resembling timeliness? I for one am not sure I'd be all that comfortable with a guy named Dr. Blog being my primary care physician, despite all the official looking head mirrors he seems to wear. Also, it's a shame that Loretta wasn't there to capitalize on Leroy's situation. Diagnosis: Push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 10
Loretta - 11
Push - 13

February 2, 2009

The turn of a single letter is all Loretta needs to get in her witty commentary. From the odd tableau, it looks like Loretta's purple friend is acting as some sort of unofficial marriage counselor with Leroy either: (a) closing his eyes in shame; (b) passed out from a night of heavy drinking; (c) suffering from a toothache; or (d) having just been fatally poisoned. Point for Loretta, nevertheless.

Official Count:
Leroy - 10
Loretta - 11
Push - 12

February 1, 2009: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Nicely played Leroy. I'm sure Loretta, like all classic comical hag wives, has a shrill, outrageously irritating singing voice. In addition, she probably also has a buffoonish, deluded impression that her voice is actually good. Way to exploit that traditional goldmine. One point to Leroy.
• A nice little example of Leroy's trademark frugality. I can totally imagine the Lockhorns' kitchen to be full of duck sauce packets and Subway napkins. Unfortunately, Loretta misses the chance to make some sort of comment about it. It takes two to insult. Push.
• I guess this is a commentary on the lack of promptness by home repair professionals? However, it's not all that wacky and implausible that someone might get their air conditioning fixed in preparation for summer, right? Push.
• Pot shots at the idiot box. Has it really come to this? For someone who is never seen reading a book and is pictured nearly half the time on the couch watching television, aren't we being a little hypocritical? Push it all around.
  
• You know for a frumpy, debt ridden, suburban couple, the Lockhorns sure seem to go to a lot of fancy parties attended by a never ending parade of Amazonian supermodel types. Can you really blame Leroy for his unfaithful wanderings? Assuming that "true north" is a real phrase pertaining to marital fidelity, Loretta gets the point and the tie, but overall the day goes to the push.

Official Count:
Leroy - 10
Loretta - 10
Push - 12