March 31, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

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Clockwise from the bottom left:

• As expected, Leroy did not care for whatever romantic, "chick flick" Loretta most likely forced him into seeing. Judging by the poster, it would appear that they went to see some sort of live action, human adaptation of "Lady and the Tramp". If that's the case I think I'm with Leroy on this one. Although Loretta seemingly found some meaning in the film, Leroy has a swift rebuttal to her positive review. I have noticed that the movie theater has historically been a good place for Leroy to earn points, as it was here. Leroy gets the score and leads 1-0.
• While they all still lead to insulting Leroy, Loretta's comment about Leroy's lingering "football injury" could imply multiple scenarios. Leroy could have either been a football player (in high school or college) and he may have received a vicious kick to the knee by a cheerleader for his sleazy behavior, or he could have been a cheerleader himself and was kicked by a fellow cheerleader for his sleazy behavior, or maybe he was just attending a football game and one of the cheerleaders kicked him due to his sleazy behavior. Whatever the scenario is Leroy is probably a sleaze. Loretta gets the point and ties things up 1-1.
• I do not think Leroy is exaggerating when he suggests that Loretta's meatloaf is older than the wine they are drinking. Regular meatloaf should not have that sort of unnatural consistency and sickly green color. This looks like a meatloaf that has been aged for years in a cool basement cellar. Leroy is going to need a refill and a few more after if he's going to try and choke down Loretta's awful meal. Leroy gets the point and jumps to a 2-1 lead.
• Why would anyone say that Leroy is a blessing in disguise? How could anyone see any positive aspects within Leroy, the corporeal manifestation of human failure? Loretta's reaction is far less incredulous then I would have expected. A more realistic response would have been along the lines of "what are you, blind? Have you seen Leroy?". Instead, she just calmly throws out a mild insult and collects her point; it's the mark of a true professional. Loretta wins and ties the day up 2-2.
• This is about the most activity the Lockhorns have in bed and that's the way it should forever stay. Instead of attempting to read a book and opening himself up to insults about his intelligence from Loretta, Leroy wisely turns around a vulnerable situation by opting to annoy Loretta with loud video game playing. This just goes to show kids, you should be reading less and playing more video games. Leroy pulls out the victory in the final scene and edges Loretta to take the day 3-2.   

Official Count:

Leroy - 33

Loretta - 39

Push - 18

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 3

Loretta - 6

Push - 4

March 30, 2013

Forever Hold Their Peace

Official Count:

Leroy - 32

Loretta - 39

Push - 18

March 29, 2013

Toasted

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 39

Push - 18

March 28, 2013

Alarmed

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 38

Push - 18

March 27, 2013

Dye, Dye My Darling

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 38

Push - 17

March 26, 2013

It's My Racket

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 37

Push - 17

March 25, 2013

Captain Curt

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 37

Push - 16

March 24, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

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Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Although the calender states that it is technically spring, as a fellow tri-state area resident Loretta would agree that the weather has yet to approach anything close to resembling that season. Still, this won't stop Loretta from using the season to mock Leroy in front of company. Although Leroy may not be conscious of his burn, Loretta still deserves the point for landing an insult on him within his presence. Unlike most of his other problems in life, Leroy cannot attempt to merely sleep through it. Loretta gets the first point and leads 1-0.
• Leroy doesn't appear drunk so I don't think that his dancing injury was sustained while cutting the rug with some random bimbo at a party. Are we to believe Leroy actually has a genuine love of dance beyond the tipsy party variety? Then again, given Leroy's less than stellar physical condition one of the moves Leroy was attempted to mimic from "Dancing With The Stars" could have been something as simple as getting up quickly from a sitting position. Regardless of how Leroy got hurt, Loretta is right there beside him to enhance his pain. Loretta earns another point and builds a 2-0 lead.
• I really hope Leroy is being literal when referring to knowing "where all the meatloaves are buried". Just going by the grim tone of his statement and the thousand yard stare he gives out the back sliding door, there might be a more disturbing meaning for "meatloaves". It seems more likely to me that all those "meatloaves" buried out back are former dinner guests who didn't survive a serving of Loretta's actual meatloaves. Perhaps Leroy has finally gotten sick of burying bodies and wants to turn Loretta and himself in. It's a push. Loretta still leads 2-0.
• Unfortunately for Leroy, merely acknowledging that you're being taken advantage of by Loretta doesn't count as an insult against her. Placed in a compromising situation, Leroy could have made the best of it by openly criticizing Loretta's shameful shopping addiction or perhaps cracked some line about how all those new clothes still won't make Loretta look attractive. Leroy's lines here could have easily been paraphrased by Loretta; the whole thing just comes off as a slam dunk for her. Loretta racks up another point as the domination continues, 3-0 Loretta.
• For the Lockhorns' marriage to be considered a romantic comedy, there has to be some sort of romance present. There's plenty of humor, albeit often more dark or absurd, but there is no love to be found anywhere. Perhaps in Leroy's mind he is starring in his own personal romantic comedy about an unhappy husband who finds himself falling for a gorgeous bimbo at a party and must find a way to win her over while escaping his shrill, miserable wife. There have been worse setups. As for the day, Loretta earns yet another point to complete an utterly one-sided 4-0 shutout victory over Leroy; the most lopsided Sunday victory I can recall.

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 36

Push - 16

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 2

Loretta - 6

Push - 4

March 23, 2013

Fat Wallet

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 35

Push - 16

March 22, 2013

Career Mentoring

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 35

Push - 15

March 21, 2013

Over 40 Weight Oil

Official Count:

Leroy - 31

Loretta - 34

Push - 15

March 20, 2013

Humiliation By Subtraction

Official Count:

Leroy - 30

Loretta - 34

Push - 15

March 19, 2013

Street Food

Official Count:

Leroy - 30

Loretta - 33

Push - 15

March 18, 2013

Which Witch is Which?

Official Count:

Leroy - 29

Loretta - 33

Push - 15

March 17, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

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Clockwise from the bottom left:

• It never fails to amaze me the lengths Loretta will go to just to spite Leroy. The amount of time and effort Loretta must have put into creating her ridiculous chore wheel was likely more than it would have taken to do all the chores listed. Of course assigning a chore to Leroy is one thing, having him actually do it is another. To paraphrase an old adage, you can lead a Leroy to labor but you can't make him work. Still, that large, garish wheel will at least serve as a constant, irritating reminder to Leroy that he has things to do. Loretta wins the first point and leads 1-0. 
• Leroy's own spiteful attack on Loretta manages to backfire on him. I have to give him some credit for creativity and effort in playing the long game. Not only did he grow out a perfectly coarse beard, he somehow mustered enough will to kiss Loretta; all so that she might feel a brief unpleasant scratching sensation. Now those are the actions of a spiteful, spiteful man. Unfortunately Loretta was ready with a put down and managed to steal the point right out from under him. Loretta gets the score and surges ahead 2-0.
• The Lockhorns suddenly get a bit experimental with the framing for the center panel. The scene looks like the movie poster for some sort of tense psychological thriller or a murder mystery. That close up of a brooding Loretta is downright terrifying. Even Leroy's poor friend can feel the radiating heat of her white hot hatred towards Leroy. He's probably wondering how he can escape this door-less, window-less lavender hell that he suddenly finds himself a prisoner in. Leroy gets the point but trails Loretta 2-1.
• This was a complicated panel to judge. On one hand you have Leroy annoying Loretta with his single minded focus on baseball but on the other hand it is Loretta who is chastising Leroy about it. I am going to fall back on the smile test and give Leroy the advantage. He is clearly looking happy and content while Loretta displays eye-rolling frustration. In the end, despite Loretta's objection, it is Leroy who will be enjoying Sunday baseball (although how excited can someone get for spring training games?). Leroy gets another point and ties the score 2-2.
• Once I saw the image of the dinner table, I knew immediately that Leroy had managed to complete a spectacular comeback after starting off 0-2. These sort of amazing Sunday performances are usually Loretta department, but for at least one Showdown Leroy is the top dog. What's funny is that Leroy may have actually been complimenting Loretta in this panel. To say that Loretta's meal tasted better than packing peanuts is technically a compliment, it may even imply edibility. Whatever the intent may be Loretta clearly took it as an insult and thus Leroy finds himself with the point and the thrilling 3-2 win.

Official Count:

Leroy - 28

Loretta - 33

Push - 15

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 2

Loretta - 5

Push - 4

March 16, 2013

Humble Abode

Official Count:

Leroy - 27

Loretta - 33

Push - 15

March 15, 2013

Pre-Existing Condition

Official Count:

Leroy - 27

Loretta - 32

Push - 15

March 14, 2013

Devolution

Official Count:

Leroy - 27

Loretta - 32

Push - 14

March 13, 2013

Forced Labor of Love

Official Count:

Leroy - 27

Loretta - 31

Push - 14

March 12, 2013

Neighborhood Watch

Official Count:

Leroy - 26

Loretta - 31

Push - 14

March 11, 1013

A Vein of Truth

Official Count:

Leroy - 26

Loretta - 30

Push - 14

March 10, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

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Clockwise from the bottom left:

• Pretty simplistic put down but then again Leroy is a pretty simplistic man. Overall it gets the job done. One has to assume that Loretta is packing up her purse for some quick, causal outing rather than a more substantial trip, otherwise the line would cease being a sarcastic insult. I also noticed that Loretta is sitting in a really awkward position while stuffing her purse. This in contrast to the cool, laid back position of Leroy against the door frame adds an extra visual element to his victory over her. Leroy earns the first point and moves ahead 1-0.
• Leave it to the Lockhorns to make a joke involving Ikea and have it not be about its recent controversy involving their use of horse meat. This panel just plays it straight. Although the absence of Leroy precludes Loretta from a point; even if Leroy was around Loretta's comment sounds more like an indictment of Ikea's exotic designs than Leroy's furniture assembly abilities. I'm sure Loretta was getting at Leroy's incompetence but she could have made it clearer. It's a push. Leroy leads 1-0.
• It is amazing the amount of antagonism Leroy can stir up in people. Here, Leroy's social actions have somehow driven a seemingly ordinary suburban couple to create an effigy of Leroy. If they were going to be that extreme and put in that sort of effort, they would have been better off just physically assaulting Leroy and forcibly throwing him out of the house. Perhaps it wasn't just a spontaneous act of hate. Maybe the couple invited the Lockhorns over specifically to show them the effigy of Leroy. Loretta's needling gets her the point and ties things up 1-1.
• Leroy's description of Loretta's prime rib sounds beyond grotesque to me. It sounds like it's some sort of alien parasite. Is he saying that Loretta's ribs won't leave your mouth for a few days before somehow dissolving? I originally read Leroy's review of Loretta's ribs as melting your mouth, which may be a less gruesome alternative. At this point I assume all the dinner guests would run for their lives from the table; then again some of those people look downright suicidal. Leroy gets the point and jumps ahead 2-1.
• I thought this was initially a bald joke, but it now sounds more like a "dumb" joke; as in Leroy has nothing between his ears. It can probably work either way. Loretta has benefited much from these scenes at the local dealership. It's even more remarkable when you realize that Loretta's constant smashing of the family car is what facilitates these frequent trips. It is just another great example of how much Loretta is ahead of Leroy as a competitor and how she has become so dominant over the years. Loretta wins the point and salvages a 2-2 push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 25

Loretta - 30

Push - 14 

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 5

Push - 4

March 9, 2013

Maybe I'm Amazed

Official Count:

Leroy - 25

Loretta - 30

Push - 13

March 8, 2013

Put On A Crappy Face

Official Count:

Leroy - 25

Loretta - 29

Push - 13

March 7, 2013

Finders Keepers

Official Count:

Leroy - 24

Loretta - 29

Push - 13

March 6, 2013

Battle Fatigue

Official Count:

Leroy - 24

Loretta - 28

Push - 13

March 5, 2013

Life in The Express Lane

Official Count:

Leroy - 24

Loretta - 28

Push - 12

*Author's Note: Am I missing something here? This seems like a totally reasonable suggestion by Loretta. If they both use an express lane it should be faster, right?

March 4, 2013

Toilet Humor

Official Count:

Leroy - 24

Loretta - 28

Push - 11

March 3, 2013: Sunday Showdown!

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Clockwise from the bottom left:

• I cannot imagine Leroy's bimbo opponent would be all that much of a challenge. Between her ridiculously disproportionate figure and her precarious high heels, it's amazing that she can maintain enough balance to stand upright. Then again, Leroy might be so distracted by her curves that he might not be able to properly play himself. I wouldn't be surprised if this match ends up a 0-0 stalemate. I hope the other guy in the panel isn't the lady's husband, getting called out for staring at a friend's spouse's goods can make things real awkward real fast. Loretta scores the first point and goes up 1-0.
• Boom, roasted! There is really no comeback for Loretta to Leroy's comment. Both sides can agree that their marriage is far and away the single greatest mistake they have ever made. In another alternate timeline perhaps Leroy and Loretta are living happy lives married to people they don't despise with every fiber of their being. I'd like to think Leroy is on a beach somewhere with some busty amazon wife while Loretta enjoys lavish spending sprees on the tab of her wealthy husband. But then how would I spend my Sundays? Leroy gets a point and ties things up 1-1.
• If you think about Loretta's joke too much you start to realize it doesn't really make sense. Her joke about Leroy requiring a spotter would have worked better if Leroy was struggling to lift something relatively slight. Here he's just trying to touch his toes, so how in any way would a spotter help? Of course it is best not to over analyze. We all get the gist, Loretta is making fun of Leroy's attempts at exercise like the malicious spouse she is. Loretta scores the point and leads 2-1.
• Originally I was going to give the points to Loretta here, but this is more just a scene of the Lockhorns being cheapskates (or them being poor if you're the sympathetic sort). Loretta is clearly going along with this policy of tipping the delivery boy whatever small change may be found in the couch cushions rather than mocking Leroy about it. It looks like the Lockhorns are alienate yet another local business. It's a push as Loretta leads 2-1 heading into the final panel.
• Leroy comes through with a rare bit of insight into Loretta's thinking. Usually Loretta gets away with plenty of spiteful mockery just based on Leroy's inability to comprehend that he is being mocked. Here, Leroy keenly picks up on Loretta's thoughts of subjugating (or possibly convincing him into engaging in some kinky S&M play) and shoots her down. It's a simple enough thought, but for Leroy this is big leap in awareness. Leroy earns himself a point and manages to force a 2-2 push on the day.

Official Count:

Leroy - 23

Loretta - 28

Push - 11

Sunday Showdown Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 5

Push - 3

March 2, 2013

'Tis the Season

Official Count:

Leroy - 23

Loretta - 28

Push - 10

March 1, 2013

Lost in the Supermarket

Official Count:

Leroy - 23

Loretta - 27

Push - 10