January 31, 2012

Marital Arts

Official Count:

Leroy - 11

Loretta - 15

Push - 5

January 30, 2012

Closet Case

Official Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 15

Push - 5

January 29, 2012: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• We know for a fact that Loretta's statement to the doctor is patently false. As peerlessly lazy as he may be, Leroy has shown in the past that he has at times (albeit poorly) attempted some degree of actual physical exercise. As for the diet, I can't imagine Leroy to be over indulging on anything Loretta cooks; perhaps he may be snacking elsewhere. Of course there's no rule against lies and deception when it comes to scoring points (I'd rather have an point based upon a lie than a push), but I slightly frown upon it; it takes away from the spirit of the competition and there are plenty of actual flaws and foibles to rely on. Loretta gets the point.
• This is the first I'm hearing of Loretta's brother. Maybe the Lockhorns are introducing a new reoccurring character to liven things up (there are only so many times Loretta's mother can visit)? If this is the case then it will be an important new development for Leroy, as it opens up a whole new front for insults such as today. Hopefully those jokes will be a lot better than the groan worthy twitter/bird pun he dropped today. Also Leroy's "smartphone" is gigantic and looks like a first generation Zune player. Leroy scores the point and ties things up 1-1.
• Poor Leroy, once again trapped at a theater event with no alcohol to dull the unyielding pain of cultural edification. Loretta lives for these moments. It's a good thing for all parties involved that there isn't any beer being served at the event. I can easily imagine the sight of a stinking drunk Leroy boorishly coming up on the stage to dance with the statuesque ballerina, then being forcibly removed by security, and getting banned from the theater indefinitely. That scenario might have actually been chalked up as a win for Leroy. However, here Loretta gets the point and the lead, 2-1.
• One of the reasons, I believe, for the popularity and longevity of "The Lockhorns" is how often their lives reflect the many universally relatable peeves and problems of modern living. Take this panel for example, I think we've all had our fair share of out of control piñata smashing sessions that ultimately ended with the complete destruction of our living room. Isn't that just the worst? I don't even want to imagine the gruesome body count that would have come with a game of "Pin the Tail on the Donkey". Push, the score remains 2-1 in favor of Loretta.
• Loretta seals the deal on another Sunday Showdown victory with a well placed barb about Leroy's workplace impotence; nothing like getting looked over for another promotion from your boss and then having your angry wife tell her friends what a loser you are. Speaking of Leroy's boss, it appears that he's working for a 19th century robber baron. If you gave him a cane and top hat on him you'd get Rich Uncle Pennybags. I suspect that after he is done with Leroy he'll retire to the lounge where he'll light a cigar with a hundred dollar bill and drink from a brandy snifter. Loretta takes the point and the day 3-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 14

Push - 5

January 28, 2012

Prime Seat Views

Official Count:

Leroy - 10

Loretta - 13

Push - 5

January 27, 2012

Job Security

Official Count:

Leroy - 9

Loretta - 13

Push - 5

January 26, 2012

Tic-Tac-Slow

Official Count:

Leroy - 9

Loretta - 12

Push - 5

January 25, 2012

Marital Deduction

Official Count:

Leroy - 9

Loretta - 11

Push - 5

January 24, 2012

Fond Memories

Official Count:

Leroy - 8

Loretta - 11

Push - 5

January 23, 2012

Cut The Cake

Official Count:

Leroy - 8

Loretta - 11

Push - 4

January 22, 2012: Sunday Showdown!

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Clockwise from the bottom left:

• These caption boxes have been appearing more and more frequently lately. I suppose I will have to get used to them as regular fixture of the 21st century Lockhorns. I enjoyed Leroy's particularly devastating candor with Loretta in this scene. It looks like something I would have adapted on a non-Sunday panel. There isn't really a pun or twist of logic here, this is basically Leroy telling Loretta to her face that he would rather look at basically any other female than her. I can't be too hard on Leroy's wandering eye this time, today's spotlighted bimbo appears to be less freakishly disproportionate than usual. Leroy gets the point.
• Cheers to Loretta for emphatically putting the kibosh on Leroy's sleazy open shirt look. I noticed it in last week's final panel and I found it objectionable as well. There was just something off putting about seeing that balding, sack of potatoes of a man trying to pull off a look that makes even normal men look smarmy and unattractive. Additionally, the 70s style open shirt look was out of sync with the usual late 50s-early 60s fashion sense and world view of the Lockhorns. Loretta gets a well deserving point and ties the game up 1-1.
• Going back once again to last week's Showdown, I wondered when the Lockhorns would eventually give up on their perennial New Year's fitness resolutions and embrace their pudgy legacy. It would appear that Leroy's resolve is starting to waiver. This is really a huge missed opportunity on Loretta's part to attack Leroy at a vulnerable state. It really doesn't get any easier than a depressed Leroy on the bathroom scale (also what is up with the upright gauge? Did they buy the scale second hand from a carnival weight guessing booth?). Perhaps Leroy saw that Loretta was occupied with brushing her teeth and knew the coast was clear to let loose a self deprecating comment. It's a push, the score remains tied 1-1.
• In Leroy's defense, many times the GPS is guilty of incoherent directions and recalculating issues. There are also times where you know a route better than the GPS and it ends up adjusting its route to match your superior path. I am going to give Loretta the benefit of the doubt and assume Leroy is legitimately having a difficult time following the GPS's instructions (or possibly getting lost on purpose just to spite it). The Lockhorns' use of a GPS is another surprise display of tech savviness, though since standalone GPS systems for cars are gradually becoming obsolete maybe it shouldn't be so surprising (like Leroy's Blackberry use from, you guessed it, last week's Showdown). Loretta scores the point and take the lead 2-1.
• Call my crazy but I believe most men would prefer a nice scotch on ice than a ticket to see a performance on ice (especially for some budget "Ice Follies" rip off called "Skate Follies"). I'm not sure Leroy would be too offended by Loretta's characterization of him as a scotch drinking, ice show hating lout. Still, there is the mockery of his alcoholism so it's still valid. I am oddly fascinated with the unusual walking posture of Leroy's mustachioed friend. He seems to have the gait of a velociraptor. Loretta earns another point to finish strong and clinches the day 3-1.

Official Count:

Leroy - 7

Loretta - 11

Push - 4

January 21, 2012

Old Hat

Official Count:

Leroy - 7

Loretta - 10

Push - 4

January 20, 2012

Professional Help

Author's Note: Although Leroy is not actually in the scene, I am going to assume he is within earshot of Loretta.

Official Count:

Leroy - 7

Loretta - 9

Push - 4

January 19, 2012

Solid As A Meatloaf

Official Count:

Leroy - 7

Loretta - 8

Push - 4

January 18, 2012

Work-Life Balance

Official Count:

Leroy - 6

Loretta - 8

Push - 4

January 17, 2012

Howling Mad

Official Count:

Leroy - 6

Loretta - 7

Push - 4

January 16, 2012

Democracy Inaction

Official Count:

Leroy - 5

Loretta - 7

Push - 4

January 15, 2012: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• This panel takes a departure in terms of setting and perspectives for a typical Lockhorn dinner scene. Instead of the usual wide shot of the Leroy and Loretta sitting across from each other, sharing a meal of oddly colored shapes, today's scene goes for a more cinematic shot from slightly over Loretta's shoulder. I for one like it; it's a welcome change of pace. I am going to actually defend Loretta a little here: the steak, while probably still disgusting, doesn't look nearly as charred and inedible as Leroy claims it to be. Leroy gets the point.
• Now that the Blackberry has declined into irrelevance amid the new wave of smart phones, it is not surprising in the least that Leroy is now a dedicated Blackberry user. Loretta's plan for obtaining Leroy's undivided attention appears flawed. Judging by the look of things, hiding Leroy's Blackberry has just made Leroy completely preoccupied with locating it. Additionally, why would Loretta even want Leroy's undivided attention in the first place? Still, you can't deny the hateful intent. Loretta gets the point and ties it up 1-1.
• Just over two weeks into the new year and the Lockhorns are still doggedly pursuing their fitness resolutions. While their efforts are commendable, it seems to be a rather brutal approach to gauge your individual workout times by the amount of weight you lose while attempting them; it seems like something only boxers looking to quickly make weight before a match would do. If the Lockhorns intend to maintain this strict regimen, I would suggest to Loretta that she use an actual hand weight rather than a marching baton painted to look like a weight. It's a push, the score remains 1-1.
• I love the look on Leroy's face in his wedding portrait, just an emphatic display of simultaneous terror, unhappiness, and revulsion. One wonders why Loretta would even allow such a large ghastly indictment of her marriage to be so prominently displayed in their living room. Maybe it's still the happiest looking picture from their wedding. Hopefully Leroy won't be too preoccupied with enjoying his victory over Loretta to avoid the two scalding not mugs of coffee she looks intent on throwing at him. Leroy goes up 2-1.
• Loretta's comment to the hostess obviously points out that Leroy is a degenerate drunk, but what I don't get is why doesn't Loretta just drive the car home herself rather than give directions to a totally intoxicated Leroy while he struggles behind the wheel? Are we to believe that Loretta is so dangerously inept at driving that even she acknowledges that it's actually safer for everybody to have her yelling instructions to a near blackout drunk Leroy then to let her be the sober designated driver? I'm almost inclined to give the point to Leroy, but I'll take her insult at face value and give her the credit. The day ends in a 2-2 push.

Official Count:

Leroy - 5

Loretta - 6

Push - 4

January 14, 2012

There's No Loretta In Team

Official Count:

Leroy - 5

Loretta - 6

Push - 3

January 13, 2012

Fashionably Late

Official Count:

Leroy - 4

Loretta - 6

Push - 3

January 12, 2012

Thrown Together Dinner

Author's Note: So Leroy is denied Loretta's cooking? Isn't this supposed to be a punishment?

Official Count:

Leroy - 4

Loretta - 5

Push - 3

January 11, 2012

Forgive and Fidget

Official Count:

Leroy - 4

Loretta - 4

Push - 3

January 10, 2012

Recipe For Disaster

Official Count:

Leroy - 4

Loretta - 3

Push - 3

January 9, 2012

Border Control

Official Count:

Leroy - 3

Loretta - 3

Push - 3

January 8, 2012: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• At first I was a little confused because it looked like Leroy was referring the the vanity table. I wondered what detail about this vanity table would make anyone suspect that animals were used in its construction. It makes a lot more sense for him to be commenting on the makeup on the table. What I still don't get is, why is he even up there with his unhappy friend in the first place? Did he really drag this poor acquaintance all the way up to his bedroom just so he can show him Loretta's makeup and make his comments? The fact that Loretta's not even there to be insulted makes his actions even more silly and pointless. Push.
• I find it a little difficult to read what Leroy is scribbling all over his body. His right leg has "NO!" written on it, his right arms seems to say "DO NOT CUT", and I can't really read what's on his left arm. From what I can make out, it would appear to me that he's putting down warnings for the dentist not to cut off his other limbs; but that sounds too ridiculous even for Leroy. It would make slightly more sense if Leroy was hastily writing his will on his body before his dreaded tooth extraction. Despite the confusion, I'm going to give Loretta the point here since she's clearly being disdainful of whatever it is Leroy is doing. Loretta goes up 1-0.
• The suggestion of going out for a sundae should most likely make Leroy happier but his reaction here to Loretta is that of discomfort and dread, clutching his bible with increasing desperation. Perhaps the sundae is going to be prepared by Loretta, which in that case would make it unimaginably disgusting and probably poisoned. There is definitely an ulterior motive afoot here and for that I have to once again award Loretta the point. Loretta widens her lead 2-0.
• A simple gesture by Leroy but it more than gets the job done. Knowing what we know about Loretta's frightening driving record, there is no exaggeration in Leroy's celebration. Returning from a trip with Loretta behind the wheel without any physical trauma and the car seemingly unscathed is nothing short of a total miracle. The fact that she managed to park the car in the driveway instead of driving it straight into the living should be grounds for throwing a massive party. Leroy scores the point but it's still 2-1 Loretta.
• Someone should tell Leroy that he doesn't have to agonize over culling only five individuals from his large personal list of people he wants to block from his cellphone. Almost all modern cellphones have the ability to block calls from as many contacts as necessary. Then again, the Lockhorns are not the most tech savviest of couples; frankly I'm surprised Leroy isn't using some monolithic 1980's Zack Morris cellphone. Despite the public insult, Loretta and her mom don't really seem to care. From the looks of it they are stoned out of their minds. Leroy gets the point and manages to force a push on the day.

Official Count:

Leroy - 2

Loretta - 3

Push - 3

January 7, 2012

Chasing Tail

Official Count:

Leroy - 2

Loretta - 3

Push - 2

January 6, 2012

Having It All

Official Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 3

Push - 2

January 5, 2012

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Official Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 3

Push - 1

January 4, 2012

Critical Acclaim

Official Count:

Leroy - 1

Loretta - 2

Push - 1

January 3, 2012

Half Empty

Official Count:

Leroy - 0

Loretta - 2

Push - 1

January 2, 2012

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Official Count:

Leroy - 0

Loretta - 1

Push - 1

January 1, 2012: Sunday Showdown!

(Click to Enlarge)

Clockwise from the bottom left:

• A joke involving the Wagner opera "Tannhäuser"? When did "The Lockhorns" get so esoteric all of a sudden? Is this going to be a theme this year? Maybe I'm just an ignorant Philistine, but I actually had to look up what the heck Leroy was complaining about. At first glance, I originally thought the Lockhorns were in Germany for New Years and were walking to a train station called "Tannhäuser". Having established at least the subject of the panel, I still have no idea what's so funny about Leroy's complaint. Can you dumb it down a shade Lockhorns? This isn't an episode of "Fraiser". I'm going to assume, based on Loretta's unhappy demeanor that Leroy has offended her in some way and thus earns the first point of the year.
• It took me a second to recognize the oddly shaped yellow mass on the ground at Leroy's feet as a football penalty flag. It's a pretty clever move on Loretta's part to admonish the football loving Leroy for holding the remote in football related terms. Personally, I've always wanted to do what Loretta did; carry around an official yellow penalty flag and throw it at people when I've subjectively deemed them to have committed a "penalty" in social situations whether it be making a highly offensive statement or double dipping chips. I just found that Amazon has a relatively extensive listing of such flags. Loretta earns the point and immediately ties things up at 1-1.
• Loretta's gesture and comment about Leroy approaches something almost resembling affection. Of course the real heart of her actions was to prevent Leroy from feeling any kind of enjoyment by spitefully cock blocking him by reminding him he's still married to her and calling him a terrible mate in front of company. Let's not kid ourselves into thinking Loretta has suddenly gone soft. Loretta was right to make such a bold maneuver, this was a particularly sexy, scantily clad, wildly disproportionate, bimbo. You can feel the heat of Leroy's angry resentment coming off the screen. Loretta goes up 2-1.
• I don't think there was any reason for anyone to think that Loretta was wearing a traditional promise ring. The Lockhorns don't need any help in maintaining their celibacy with each other. This is just Loretta heavily straining for an actual pun. Wouldn't any ring purchased by Leroy be a "promise ring"? Isn't this the basic principle of buying and selling an item? Every item Leroy has ever paid money for would fall under this lame categorization ("promise house", "promise television", "promise twin pack of BBQ Pringles"). Labored as it is, Loretta can still claim a point and locks up the day at 3-1.
• Leroy makes a valid point to the marriage counselor about how poor communication between him and Loretta is a major factor in their unhealthy marriage. Clearly Loretta should try to better communicate her feelings and expectations to Leroy so he can better react to them. Of course, all this is if the Lockhorns were a real couple in a real marriage counselor's office actually trying to fix their marriage. In the crazy, dysfunctional, universe of the Lockhorns, Loretta may be literally expecting Leroy to read her mind. In either case, I suppose Loretta should work on being a better communicator. Leroy gets the point but Loretta takes the first Showdown of the year 3-2.

Official Count:

Leroy - 0

Loretta - 1

Push - 0